Bookish Love
by DreamBigIris
Summary: A shy, reserved girl risked everything and put her heart in his hands. Now, it's up to him. Will he show her what love is like or will he break her heart? Please read/review. MerDer, minor Slexie and minor Omelia...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, I had the idea for this fic in the middle of the night; literally in the middle of the night. This is an AU fic, and you'll have to read it in order to find out what it's really about. I would have given you spoilers, but they will kind of give the whole story away, so...I love books myself and hence the birth of this story. Without further ado,**

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 **Bookish Love**

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 **Chapter One**

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 _ **I would never read a book if it were possible for me**_

 _ **To talk half an hour with the man who wrote it.**_

 _ **-Woodrow Wilson**_

In the comfortable, soothing, serene silence of the library sat a young girl, probably in her early twenties, with her dirty blonde mop tied into a messy ponytail. Her bright green eyes were transfixed on the pages of the book she was reading. " _Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte"-_ the words were embossed in large gold letters on the cover.

She was a habitué of this place from the age of eight. From her childhood itself, books had been her best friend, literally her best friend. For she had always been a demure, introvert little girl with blonde pigtails and sharp cat-like green eyes, not particularly extrovert or loquacious.

She had never been very good at making friends, and her only friend apart from books was her younger sister Lexie, who had forever been a close confidante.

She sat in her chair, completely engrossed in her book while a jumble of other books was strewn all over the table top. She was oblivious to everything right now, as she read her book. Nothing could distract her right now. Nothing could break her attention _._

The deep timbre of a male voice did break her attention though.

Now, it has to be mentioned that she wasn't the kind of girl whose attention could be easily caught by a male voice.

How could a girl, who was barely able to make friends, ever possibly have a boyfriend? Not that guys were not interested in her. She was good-looking and sapient beyond her years, and she could make a few heads turn when she walked into the room.

But she had never been interested in those guys. She had always been kind of a nerd and preferred spending time with books rather than with guys. Yet, there was something about this particular voice that made her look up from the book she was reading.

Her eyes alighted on the source of the voice, a tall figure standing in the doorway with a duffel bag in his hand.

As he neared her table, she gained a better view of the man's face. He had to be in his late twenties or early thirties. He had dazzling cerulean eyes, ebony curls that were perfectly coiffed and a slightly crooked nose. His mouth was curved upwards softly as he held a phone to his ear with his right hand and talked to someone on the other end. Meredith could not turn her eyes away from him as she watched him walk over to a table just a few feet away from her. The guy pulled back a chair at the table and sat down, laughing softly as he continued his conversation on the phone. Meredith was immediately captivated by his melodious laugh, his dazzling eyes and his handsome face.

Suddenly, the guy turned his face sideways and locked eyes with Meredith, catching Meredith off guard. She had been staring at the guy with great intent till then, and her cheeks reddened when the guy caught her staring at him so abruptly. She instantly averted her eyes from the guy and looked down at the pages of her book, her cheeks suffused with a crimson colour. She cussed herself mentally amidst her embarrassment at being caught, and prayed like hell that the guy didn't get any wrong impression about her.

Meredith kept her eyes trained on the printed letters on the pages, not having the courage to look up at the guy again. The clock ticked by as Meredith tried her level best to concentrate on her reading, but for the first time in her life, she couldn't focus on reading. She just couldn't, and she had no idea why. She had always been able to drown in her books without paying heed to the outside world, then what was it about this guy that made it hard for her to get lost in the words of her book again?

Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into an hour as Meredith sat at her table, constantly thinking about the blue-eyed guy sitting at the nearby table. His fathomless ocean-blue eyes, his ebony hair, his perfect smile, Meredith just couldn't get any of it out of her head. Meredith Grey was not the girl who drooled over gorgeous guys or spent day after day thinking about them, and yet, Meredith could not get over this guy, of whom she had caught only a glimpse.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Meredith snapped her book shut and grimaced. What on Earth was wrong with her? Why couldn't she get this guy out of her head? Meredith stood up from her chair and lifted the book in her arms. No point in reading a book that she couldn't even concentrate on. Maybe, if she got something else to read, she would be able to find her concentration again. With that thought in mind, Meredith looked sideways to see if the blue-eyed guy was still sitting at the table. However, her eyes widened in slight surprise and extreme disappointment when she saw that the chair on which the guy had been sitting, was vacant.

" _He must have left..."_ Meredith mused to herself disappointedly as she shook her head and made her way over to the bookshelves. Walking over to the shelf from which she had taken the book out, she carefully placed the book back in its place and looked at some of the other titles in order to find something interesting to read.

Walking slowly, Meredith's eyes skimmed the various titles of the books which were neatly shelved in an alphabetical order.

"Anna Karenina, Great Expectations, Pride and Prejudice, Robinson Crusoe, The Confessions..." Meredith read the titles out loud to herself as she kept walking to her right. Suddenly, the title of a book caught Meredith's eyes, causing her to come to an abrupt halt.

" _Emma By Jane Austen,"_ Meredith read aloud to herself. "Hmm...This sounds interesting," Meredith mused as she lifted her hands and took the book out of the row of books with utmost care. As soon as Meredith had taken the book out and had created a gap in the bookshelf, her grey-green eyes locked with a pair of dazzling blue ones. Her eyes widened in surprise as she found herself looking into two oceans of sparkling blue. The blue eyes smiled back at her as she stared into them in surprise.

"That's a good book," the guy remarked from the other side of the bookshelf, smiling softly at Meredith through the narrow gap in the bookshelf. The guy's sudden remark caused Meredith to snap out of her spell and avert her eyes in embarrassment. God, this was the second time that the guy had caught her staring at him, what must he be thinking about her?

"Uh – um – what?" Meredith stuttered, her mind not having registered the guys' words amidst all her embarrassment.

"The book you took out – 'Emma – 'that is a good book. A fine piece of work by Jane Austen..." the guy repeated, his lips still curved upwards into a soft, genial smile.

"Oh, um – yeah, yeah...It looks like it'd be good..." Meredith murmured uncertainly as she took the chance and looked up at the guy again, only to find him smiling at her.

"Do you come here often?" the guy asked in a friendly tone.

"Oh, yeah...Yeah, I mean, I love books and I practically live here...This is like my second home..." Meredith murmured, smiling a little as some of her discomfiture dissipated.

"Me too! How come I have never seen you before?" the guy asked, sounding surprised.

"I dunno...I mean, I have never seen you before either...Maybe you just weren't noticing..." Meredith replied nervously. What had got into her? She never chatted with random guys. Then, why was she engaging in a conversation with a complete stranger?

"Believe me, I would have noticed you. It's kind of hard not to...notice you, I mean," the guy rejoined, causing Meredith to blush and look at him in surprise.

A faint tinge of pink infused Meredith's cheeks at the guy's compliment. No guy had ever complimented her like that before. Sure, a lot of guys tried to hit on her by saying that she was hot, but it had always been in a sexual way. Never, never in her life had a guy told her that she was beautiful.

"Oh, thanks," Meredith replied, the blush in her cheeks deepening when the guy gave her a charming, heart-melting smile.

"You deserve it..." the guy said as he took out the next book in the shelf, thus widening the gap that had been created between the books and allowing himself to look at Meredith properly.

"So...This is a good book, huh? You've read it?" Meredith asked, suddenly not wanting their confabulation to end.

"Yeah, I have..." the guy said as he took another book out of the shelf, widening the gap in the bookshelf further.

"That's – that's nice. I mean, most of the guys would probably rule this out as chick lit..." Meredith remarked knowingly.

"Most of the guys would. I am not most of the guys," the guy riposted with a smirk and then added, "I don't think books can be different for chicks and guys, or kids and adults. Books...they are books – they are our best and most loyal friends, irrespective of our age."

Meredith's mouth fell open slightly as she digested the guy's words. In her entire life, Meredith had never encountered another person who thought about books like that. She had thought that she was probably the only one in the entire world, or at least, the entire city, who loved reading all sorts of books and considered them her best friends. She had thought that she was the only one who loved books in such a way that age or gender was never a restriction for her. Her whole life, her father had pried books out of her hands, saying that they were for the grown-ups and that she was turning into a precocious brat. But, this guy, whom she had talked to for only a couple of minutes, this guy was more in sync with her than anyone had ever been in her entire life of 22 years.

"You – that's – yeah..." Meredith managed to murmur softly as her eyes stayed transfixed on the guy's sparkling blue orbs.

"Yeah..." the guy echoed as his lips widened into a soft, warm smile that made Meredith's heart skip a beat. The moment seemed everlasting as the duo stood gazing at each other through the gap in the bookshelf, time coming to a screeching halt around them.

Suddenly, Meredith's cell phone trilled in her pocket, starting Meredith out of her thoughts. Meredith snapped out of her daze and broke the gaze as she looked down to reach for the phone ringing inside the pocket of her jacket .The shrill tune of the phone pierced the quiet of the library and Meredith knew that she was going to get into trouble for not turning her phone off. She quickly found her phone and pressed the answer button without checking the caller id.

"Hello?" Meredith said a little breathlessly as she pressed the phone to her ear, and passed a quick glance towards the guy, only to find that he was placing the books back in the shelf and walking away.

"Meredith!" Lexie's voice came from the other end of the line. "Mer, I know that this is your reading time and I'm not supposed to disturb you right now, but it's urgent," Lexie rambled.

"What is it, Lex? I wasn't getting much reading done anyway," Meredith replied truthfully, her heart sinking heavily as she watched the guy's retreating figure.

"Uh – well – I came to Roseridge to visit her since you couldn't, and they told me that she passed out this morning. Her blood pressure was really low, and so, she has been admitted to Seattle Grace for treatment. I am driving up to the hospital right now, and I need you to come there fast," Lexie said in an urgent tone.

Meredith's heart stopped doing the weird flip-flops they had been doing and her head spun as she struggled to process Lexie's words. "What? She is in the hospital? Oh my God! I will be there in 20 minutes, Lex. I will get out of here now," Meredith said as she started walking back towards the table in long, quick strides.

"Okay. Drive safe. See you soon. Bye," Lexie said and disconnected the call.

Meredith quickly gathered the various books from the table and shoved some of them inside her bag in haste. Lifting the rest of the books in her arms, Meredith quickly made her way to the librarian's desk so that she could return the books and leave as soon as possible.

After returning the books, Meredith quickly made her way towards the exit of the library, but her steps came to a halt when she reached the door. Turning around slightly, Meredith's heart sank in the pit of her stomach as her eyes unconsciously searched for the guy but failed to spot him. Shaking her head, Meredith turned around and rushed out of the library, knowing deep inside that she was never going to meet the guy again.

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 **A/N: So, is Meredith right? Is she never going to meet the guy again? And what was the phone call about? I know I left you guys hanging with a lot of questions, but I promise, things will start to add up soon.**

 **I love receiving feedback and reviews from my readers, because that's the only form of acknowledgement I can get from writing fanfics. So please, review and let me know what you think. Leave your cheers, jeers, hate, dislike and love! :)**

 **Cheers**

 **DBI**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the support and reviews on the previous chapter! I am so happy to know that so many of you are enjoying this little AU. I have replied to everyone's review at the bottom.**

 **And now, time for the second instalment!**

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Meredith carried her legs forward in long strides as she made her way through the hallway of Seattle Grace hospital. Her breaths came in short pants as she tried to reach her destination as fast as possible, her head filled with trepidation and all sorts of worst case scenarios. Lexie had not elaborated on the condition or the gravity of the situation over the phone, so naturally, Meredith's heart was in her mouth as she all but rushed to room 309.

"Lexie!" Meredith exclaimed loudly as she spotted her sister sitting on one of the benches outside the patient's room.

"Mer," Lexie murmured as she stood up from her seat and waited for Meredith to reach her.

"Lex, how is she? Is she alright? Did the doctor check her? What did the doctor say?" Meredith fired question after question at her sister in one breath.

"Meredith, Mer, calm down, calm down," Lexie said softly as she placed her hands on both of Meredith's shoulders. "Calm down and take deep breaths, she is out of the woods now."

Meredith breathed out in relief as she processed her sister's words. "She is fine?" Meredith whispered as relief flooded her entire body and she slumped down in one of the chairs.

"Yes, yes. She is fine, for now..." Lexie said as she sat down in the chair beside her sister.

"What – what happened?" Meredith asked as she struggled to catch her breath.

"I went to visit her this morning and when I got there, she was fine. But, as she was taking a stroll in the gardens, she suddenly collapsed and passed out. She remained unconscious even after we tried to wake her up, so we called up an ambulance and got her here. After the Dr. Thompson checked her, he said that she had passed out due to hypotension. Her blood pressure was extremely low, but it has been somewhat stabilized now. Dr. Thompson said that for now, she will be alright, but if her condition of severe hypotension continues, she has the risk of having a stroke, a heart attack, kidney failure and bowel ischemia..." Lexie trailed off, sighing loudly.

"Oh my God..." Meredith murmured as she pressed her palms to her lips and let the words set in. After a minute of silence, Meredith said, "Did the doctor say anything else?"

"Yeah, he said that the medicines that he has prescribed should be given to her at proper time and without fail, and special care has to be taken so that she drinks enough fluids and takes enough salt in her diet..."

"Oh," Meredith mumbled as she stared at the wall in front of her. Her head was swimming with all the news she had just received from her sister, and her thought process had turned cold.

"Did you – did you call Dad?" Meredith asked after a while, averting her eyes from the wall.

"Yeah, I did. He should be here soon..." Lexie answered softly.

"Okay," Meredith said as she remained lost in her thoughts.

"Mer, what are you thinking?"

Meredith breathed out loudly as she looked up at her sister. "Nothing...I just – this is all my fault, you know. I insisted that she should be kept at Roseridge, and now...Of course, they don't take proper care of her there, and I don't know why I expected them to," Meredith murmured guiltily.

"Mer, this is not your fault. You wanted what was good for her, and you don't know if all this happened due to negligence..." Lexie trailed off uncertainly.

"Lexie, please, don't try to sugar-coat things for me. Do I not remember what the doctor said to me? He said that best care could be given to her at home, but I was so busy and engrossed in managing my own life that I shipped her off to a nursing home. And now, now she is suffering from severe hypotension, which could lead to a stroke or heart attack! Basically, she could have died today, and that would have been because of me!" Meredith exclaimed as tears pooled in her eyes and she buried her face in her hands.

"Mer –"

"No, Lexie. She could have died today and that would have been because of me! And, on top of that, I didn't even go to visit her today! Can you believe what kind of a horrible, disgusting person I am? I couldn't shoulder her responsibility, so I shipped her off to a negligent nursing home, and to top that off, I didn't go to visit her today so that I could go to the library! I went to the library, Lexie – I chose mere books over my own mother!" Meredith ranted as she kept her face buried in her hands in shame.

"Oh, Mer..." Lexie whispered as she rubbed Meredith's back in an effort to soothe her. "This is not your fault. Why do you always blame yourself for every bad thing that happens? So what if you didn't go to meet her one day? It could happen to any of us..."

"No, no it couldn't. My mother – my own mother who gave birth to me, is sick, she is sick and I don't even go to visit her. This is why she didn't want me, you know? Because I am the horriblest and most irresponsible daughter in the history of the world!" Meredith cried as she covered her mouth with her palm and sobbed.

"Meredith, it's not like that at all. You are an amazing daughter, that's why you are still taking care of her even though she didn't want you. And let's be honest here, Mer. You kept her in a nursing home because of my Mom, not because you wanted to. And don't even try to deny that," Lexie said firmly as she wrapped her arm around Meredith and pulled her sister into a side hug.

Meredith continued crying as she let Lexie hug her crabwise. This was why she loved Lexie so much – Lexie was her support when she needed her, Lexie was her confidante and best friend who always had her back. "Thanks, Lex. Thank you. I just – I needed a moment there, I guess," Meredith said as she let out a shaky breath and wiped her wet cheeks with her sleeves.

"Don't blame yourself for her condition, Mer. We both know that with the disease she has, these things are bound to happen, no matter how careful we are," Lexie said, still rubbing Meredith's back with her palm.

"I know, I know," Meredith murmured uncertainly, feelings of guilt still lingering deep inside her heart. She knew that Lexie wouldn't understand how guilty she felt at the moment, even though Lexie was practically her soulmate. There were some things that other people can't understand, no matter how well they know you.

"Do you wanna go and see her?" Lexie asked, placing her hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"I – yeah...I should, I should go and see her," Meredith said, more out of obligation than out of love.

"Okay. I will wait here. You go and see her..." Lexie said as she gave Meredith's shoulder a tight squeeze.

Meredith nodded as she got up from her seat and gave Lexie a small, wan smile to let her know that she was okay. With that, Meredith walked over to the door of room 309 and pushed it open, her heart sinking heavily as she walked inside.

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"Mer...Mer, wake up," Lexie shook Meredith's shoulder gently as she tried to wake Meredith up from the deep slumber she had fallen into.

Meredith moaned softly in her sleep as her eyelids flickered. Lexie gave another gentle push to Meredith's shoulder, causing Meredith's eyes to snap open all of a sudden.

"Huh – What? What? Is Mom alright?"Meredith asked as she jolted out of her sleep and tried to ascertain what was going on around her.

"Mer, your Mom is fine," Lexie said softly as Meredith saw Ellis lying asleep on the bed in front of her and breathed out in relief.

"Oh, oh...I thought that..." Meredith tailed off as she settled back in the chair beside Ellis' bed and rubbed her eyes wearily.

"Mer, you have been sitting here all day...You should take a break now," Lexie said as she watched Meredith stretch her body slightly.

"No, it's alright. I am fine here. What time is it? And where is Dad?" Meredith asked as she rubbed her neck to get rid of the crick that she had acquired by falling asleep in the chair.

"It's 7:30 p.m. Dad went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat, and I think that you should go too. You have been sitting in this chair since morning and you haven't even eaten anything. Get out of this room and grab a cup of coffee and something to eat. Go home and take a shower. Just get out of this room. You need to breathe in some fresh air after taking in the sterile, stale air of this hospital all day..." Lexie ordered firmly.

"Lex..." Meredith grumbled as Lexie tried to shove Meredith into a standing position.

"Mer, you will fall sick like this. What will happen if you go away for a couple of hours and freshen up a bit? Nothing is going to happen to your Mom, she has been stable for more than 8 hours now," Lexie said in a persuasive tone.

"But – "Meredith tried to protest.

"No ifs and buts. Meredith Elizabeth Grey, you will get up from this chair right now, or I will shove you out of it," Lexie threatened with a deadpan face.

"But, what if something happens to Mom while I am away? What if her pressure fluctuates again, like it did a few hours ago?" Meredith tried to reason with her sister.

"That is not going to happen. And even if that does happen, you are not a doctor, so you are not going to be able to help her in any way. There are enough skilled doctors and nurses in this hospital to take care of her if any complications arise. Now, get out of this room," Lexie ordered in a grave tone.

"But, Lexieeee..." Meredith murmured.

"No, Meredith. I refuse to let you sit in this cramped up hospital chair all day. Go and get yourself a cup of coffee, if nothing else. Dad is down at the cafeteria too, so you can sit with him and talk. Go," Lexie said in an annoyingly high-pitched voice, making Meredith sigh in defeat.

"Fine, Grandma," Meredith said with a huff as she finally got up from the chair and stretched her body properly for the first time in hours.

"Good, now, I will sit here till you come back, so don't bother to down your coffee in one gulp and rush back here. Take your time, and don't come back at least for 20 minutes," Lexie said with a triumphant smile as she sat down in the chair.

Meredith threw her sister a supremely annoyed look as she turned around and grabbed her bag from the bedside table. "Fine, but call me if something happens."

"I will. But, nothing will happen, so, go and take in some fresh air. And food – have some food, or you're going to end up in a hospital bed too," Lexie said as Meredith stuck her tongue out at her. "And stop making faces at me, it isn't going to help you in anyway," Lexie added, laughing.

Meredith smiled at her sister one last time as she pulled the door open and stepped out of Ellis' room for the first time in hours. Walking slowly in the corridor, Meredith felt her stomach rumble and her back ache. Deciding that Lexie was right, Meredith carried her feet towards the cafeteria to grab something to eat.

Entering the bustling cafeteria, Meredith went to the counter and stood in the line while mentally debating about what to order. Her eyes roved around the crowded room in search of her father, but she failed to spot him. Lexie had said that her dad was down in the cafeteria, but Meredith could not see him anywhere. Where had he gone? Maybe, he had gone somewhere else for a little quiet, since there was too much hustle in the cafeteria anyway.

"A mocha latte and a roast beef sandwich," Meredith said when her turn finally came. Within minutes, Meredith's hands were occupied with her tray of food as she turned around and navigated her way through the crowd of tables.

She spotted a quiet, isolated table in the far corner of the cafeteria and decided to go and sit there. After the emotional rollercoaster that she had ridden that day, she needed a little peace of mind to gather her thoughts that were running all over the place.

Meredith reached the table and deposited her food tray on it. Then, she placed her bag on one of the chairs and sat down in another. Lifting the Styrofoam cup that contained her coffee, she took a sip of the beverage and breathed out in relief. God, she could not thank Lexie more for sending her down there – she had indeed been in dire need of coffee.

Sipping the coffee, Meredith grabbed her bag and opened it to rummage for something inside. After a few minutes of rummaging inside, she finally found the small black notebook that she had been looking for and deposited it on the table. Opening the notebook, Meredith took out a pen from her pocket and started scribbling down on a blank page of the notebook – her diary.

Meredith didn't exactly remember what had urged her to maintain a personal diary in the first place, but that little black book had been Meredith's companion since she was nine. Since then, Meredith had poured her heart out in that diary's pages. There was no incident of her life that hadn't been recorded in the diary, and Meredith always carried her little friend with her everywhere she went. A saying goes that paper is better than people and Meredith believed wholeheartedly in it. Writing in her diary was catharsis for Meredith and she didn't know what she would do if her diary was ever taken away from her.

She picked up her sandwich and took a bite as she started writing –

 _12_ _th_ _June, 2006_

 _7:45 p.m._

 _So, today started out really slow, but ended on a real whirlwind. I went to the library quite early in the morning to catch up on some reading, and skipped out on my weekly visit to Mom. Lex went in my stead, and I can't describe in words how much I regret missing my weekly visit to my mother. Mom passed out due to low blood pressure during Lexie's visit and she was admitted to Seattle Grace Hospital immediately. I can't word what my condition was when I received the phone call from Lexie, telling me that Mom was in the hospital and I needed to go there soon. As soon as I received Lexie's call, a tremendous amount of guilt and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. I hated myself – no, I still hate myself for choosing to go to the library instead of visiting Mom. I mean, who does that? Who chooses books and reading over their own mother? Apparently, I do. I feel shitty and scummy for being so irresponsible, and even though Lex gave me a good five – minute speech about how it was not my fault, I still can't help but feel guilty about it. I mean, yes, I might not have been able to prevent what happened to Mom, but I could have been there for her like a good, responsible, dutiful daughter. But, I wasn't – I wasn't there for her. And even after I arrived in the hospital, I was worried – I was genuinely worried for Mom, but I just couldn't feel that daughterly love that I am supposed to feel, you know? And that makes me feel even crappier, because I am supposed to love my mother with all my heart, no matter what. But, my point is, I don't. I do love my mother, but I don't love her the way a good daughter should. I wonder sometimes, if anyone else in my situation would feel the same way. I mean, how can I love my mother after what she did? Her actions were not of a typical mother either, so how can one expect my actions to be that of a typical daughter? How can I love my mother when I have proof that my mother doesn't love me? Or rather, didn't love me, since I doubt that she is in the condition of loving anyone anymore. Mom –_

Meredith was in mid-writing when suddenly, a loud noise drowned out the cacophony of the cafeteria and resonated within the walls of the room. The loud ringing noise caused Meredith's head to snap up promptly as she watched the people preparing to rush out of the cafeteria with utmost haste. The characteristic bustle of the room was replaced by an exigent, desperate rush as the serving lady came forward and started to urge people to evacuate the cafeteria quickly.

"Please leave the cafeteria immediately and evacuate to a safer place. There is a fire in the West Wing of the hospital, and I need you to leave sooner than the wind," the lady shouted at the top of her voice as the noise of the fire alarm kept drowning out the sudden exigent hustle in the cafeteria.

Meredith looked around frantically as she shut her diary and picked it up in one hand and picked up her bag with the other. Looking at the throng of people rushing towards the exit, Meredith got up from her chair quickly and hurried towards the exit among the crowd of people.

"Move, people, move!" someone screamed from the back as Meredith tried to navigate her way through the number of people scampering towards the exit.

"Sorry," Meredith murmured as she bumped against a middle-aged woman.

"Look where you are going, girl," the lady remarked angrily as Meredith jostled against another person.

"Shit! I am so sorry..." Meredith whispered as she bumped against another man who had been rushing toward her, and the diary fell out of Meredith's hand. Meredith looked down to see the little black notebook lying on the floor a few feet away from her, but before she could bend down and pick it up, a forty something man came toward her and grabbed her elbow.

"Mam, please get outside now. It's not safe here anymore," the man said urgently as he started dragging Meredith by the elbow.

"Wait! My diar –"Meredith started saying as the man dragged her by the elbow.

"Mam, please. You have to get outside now," the man repeated without listening to any of Meredith's words.

"But my –"

"Hello, madam, please move out the exit and don't crowd the hall," someone hollered, drowning out Meredith's voice.

"Hey, listen, I dropped my diary!" Meredith exclaimed as she looked back to see the notebook lying on the floor and getting trampled by people.

"Forget your diary, save your life first," the man said as he tightened his hold on Meredith's arm and dragged her out of the cafeteria along with the other people, all the rush and cacophony drowning out Meredith's concerns about her diary. And soon enough, flames engulfed half of the cafeteria, giving rise to a wild commotion in the crowd gathered outside.

* * *

"Mer!" Lexie cried as she spotted Meredith walking towards her from the other end of the corridor.

"God, Mer! I have been looking for you all over the hospital. I heard the fire alarm and..." Lexie said as she ran over to Meredith and threw her arms around her sister's neck.

"I heard that there was a fire in the West Wing of the hospital, and my first thought was that you're in the cafeteria..." Lexie whispered as she hugged her sister tightly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Lexie. I'm – I'm fine..." Meredith whispered as she hugged Lexie back in a daze. She was still in a shock after everything that had transpired around her. It had all happened so fast, it had been an entire whirlwind. The commotion, the mad rush to get out of the cafeteria, the flames swallowing up the cafeteria, people crying for their loved ones in the ER – all of it had been like a blur for Meredith. She could still not completely digest the fact that in a single day, she had had to face the risk of losing her mother and the risk of dying herself. And, Meredith still had no idea where her father was...

"Lexie, where is Dad?" Meredith murmured suddenly as she pulled back from the hug. "You said that he was in the cafeteria...and I couldn't see him, Lexie! And now the cafeteria has been burnt down to ashes! Where is Dad?" Meredith asked in a frantic and desperate voice.

"Mer, Mer, calm down. Dad is absolutely fine; he came up just minutes after you left for the cafeteria. He went to look for you about ten minutes ago, when the fire alarm rang. We have been looking for you like crazy ever since we heard the alarm. I can't tell you how glad I am that you are okay," Lexie said as tears of relief pooled in her eyes and she locked Meredith in a tight embrace once more.

Meredith breathed out a relieved sigh as she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her sister. She was glad that she was okay – and alive too. She had been so close, so damn close to death – the cafeteria had burnt down only a few minutes after her escape. She had seen the flames lick the glass walls of the room from without, and she had only felt grateful that no one had been trapped within.

"I know, I am happy that I am alive too..." Meredith whispered as Lexie pulled back from her and gave her a once-over.

"Are you really okay? You are not hurt anywhere, are you?" Lexie asked solicitously as she checked Meredith's arms for any signs of burns.

"Yes, Lex. I am completely okay. I made it out of the cafeteria just in time," Meredith said as some of the reality set in and she regained her senses.

"Good, that's good," Lexie said as she draped an arm around Meredith's shoulder and the duo started to walk back towards Ellis' room.

"Has the fire been extinguished fully?" Lexie asked Meredith after a minute of silence.

"Yeah, yeah, it was extinguished fairly quick. But, there are still a number of casualties down at the ER, and I think they lost a few patients too," Meredith said, feeling sympathetic towards all the families that had lost their loved ones in the fire.

"That's awful. I – my heart goes out to them, but I am still glad that I didn't lose you today..."

Meredith looked up at her sister and gave her a small smile as they reached the benches outside the patient's room and Meredith slumped down on one of the chairs.

"You stay here. I'll get you some water," Lexie said as she observed Meredith's dazed state.

Meredith only nodded in response and Lexie walked away to get fetch the water. Leaning against the backrest of the chair, Meredith closed her eyes and pictured the scene downstairs for a minute. All the people who had been crying and screaming and mourning over the death of their family members – Meredith's heart ached for them. How unimaginable it must have been for the bereaved? Seeing their loved ones alive one minute, and having to identify their dead bodies the next...

"Meredith!" A loud and familiar voice caused Meredith's eyes to snap open. Looking up, Meredith saw her father rushing towards her.

"Dad," Meredith murmured as she got up from her seat and came forward to give in to her father's affectionate hug.

"Oh, thank God that you're safe," Thatcher Grey whispered as he hugged his daughter in relief.

Meredith remained silent as she kept her face buried in her father's shoulder. After a few good minutes, Thatcher let go of her and asked, "I went looking for you – I and Lexie were so worried, honey! You're alright?"

"Yeah, Dad, I am alright...I met Lexie. She just went to get some water for me..."

"Oh, good, that's good. After Lexie comes back, you and she are going home," Thatcher said in a firm yet gentle voice.

"What? No, Dad – Mom, she is here. She is going to stay here overnight, and someone needs to stay with her in case she –"Meredith protested.

"I will stay here with Ellis. You and Lexie are going home right now and that's final," Thatcher said firmly.

"But, Dad...Susan, she is – "

"I'll talk to Susan. I'm sure that she will understand the need of my presence at the hospital tonight. You and Lexie have been here all day, and after what just happened, I won't let you stay here for another minute."

Meredith sighed and tried to protest weakly, but her protests went unheard by her father. Having no more fight left in her body after the entire day's exhaustion and weariness, Meredith gave up and agreed with her father.

* * *

Meredith and Lexie walked out to the lobby of the hospital together, preparing to go home for the night. As they reached the lobby, Meredith suddenly stopped and caught Lexie's arm.

"What?" Lexie asked, taken aback by Meredith's abrupt halt.

"Lex, I – I just remembered that I need to do something before going home. You know what? You go and get in the car and I'll meet you there in a minute," Meredith said quickly and walked away before Lexie had the chance to ask any more questions.

Carrying her legs towards the Lost and Found office of the hospital, Meredith stopped momentarily before entering room 109 and approaching the desk.

"Um – excuse me," Meredith said softly.

"Yes, Mam, how can I help you?" the woman seating behind the desk asked her in a polite tone.

"I – I lost my diary today...In the cafeteria, when I was rushing out during the fire. Can you –"

"Mam," the woman cut in, "Most of the cafeteria was burnt down during the fire. I don't think that your diary was saved..."

"I – I know that," Meredith said and continued, "But, please, can you check once? I know that the odds of someone picking up the diary during the mad rush are zero to none, but still...Please? It was a small black notebook – it didn't have a name on it, but what are the chances of another person losing the same diary on the same day? Can you please..."Meredith trailed off as she gave the woman a pleading look.

The woman sighed loudly and said, "Fine. I'll go and check if I can find your diary in there." With that, the woman got up and walked inside the closet where the 'lost and found' items were kept.

Meredith waited patiently outside as she tapped her foot against the floor. After about five minutes of rummaging, the woman came out of the closet with a smile plastered on her face and a black diary in her hands.

"Here...Looks like your intuition was right after all," the woman said kindly as she handed the diary to Meredith.

"Oh, thank you! Thanks so much for finding it," Meredith said with a grateful smile as she looked at the black cover of the small notebook and hugged it close to her chest.

"Sure, anytime. Have a good day, Mam," the woman said with a smile.

"You too," Meredith said as she shoved the diary into her bag without bothering to check it and walked out of the Lost and Found office. Now, Meredith could finally go home.

What neither Meredith nor the woman at the desk knew was that, in the stack of the 'lost and found' items kept inside the closet, there was another little black notebook stowed away.

* * *

 **A/N: Another little black notebook?! Yep, I gave you a puzzle to solve, so put your thinking hats on and guess away...**

 **I hope you liked this chapter giving more background about Meredith's family.**

 **Please review and let me know what you think and when to update!**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **Patsy –** Thank you so much for reviewing, Patsy! I'm glad you love this :) I hope you got the answers to some of your questions in this chapter...

 **bhavyam1998 –** Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am so glad that you are liking this story! More is on the way :)

 **Ellen –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you like this AU of mine...I would have gladly answered your question about whether Mer is in college or med school, but it'll come up in the story soon :) So, stay tuned!

 **MerDer2015 –** Thanks for the review! I'm glad you think so...Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

 **Jill –** Thanks for the review! I'm really happy to know that you are interested in reading this...More is on the way!

 **RhizOneill –** Thank you! It gives me great pleasure to know that you think so! :)

 **msnovelist –** Thank you for the review! I love books too, and Anna Karenina and Pride and Prejudice are two of my favourites too! I haven't really thought about the virginity topic yet, but it'll come up sooner or later...Stay tuned!

 **HPGREYSFAN2291 –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm extremely happy that you think so about my story and my writing! Yes, it was Derek, as you assumed correctly...But, I have a lot more planned for these two in this story, so stay tuned! Thanks!

 **Guest #1 –** Thanks for the review! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **Sara –** Thank you so much! Your kind words brightened up my day! I'm so glad that you love this! More is on the way!

 **Dora –** Thanks for the review! I'm so gratified to know that you think so...I did aim to write about something no one has ever written about MerDer before, and I'm extremely happy to know that people are liking it. Hope you liked this update :)

 **snv3 –** Thank you for the review! Hope this update answered some of your questions! I can't wait to get to the core of this story too! :)

 **Cheryl –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad that you love this story and this MerDer so much! I'm truly grateful to you for leaving the wonderful reviews, and I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this update as well! :)

 **Guest #2 –** Thanks for the review! I am glad that you are loving this story and the bookworm Mer! More is on the way!

 **Brenda –** Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad that you love it. Hope you liked this chapter! :)

 **Guest #3 –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm delighted that you love my spin on MerDer. I can assure you, I have a lot planned for this story, and I'll keep writing as long as people are reading, reviewing and enjoying. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for the amazing response to this, guys! It's wonderful to see that so many of you are on board this journey of Bookedith and Bookerek (how does that sound for a name for our favourite couple in this AU, hmm?)...Most of your guesses about what's gonna happen next were VERY close! Without stalling, I give you the next chapter of BL...**

* * *

It was around midnight when Lexie and Meredith finally finished dinner and headed to their rooms for some much needed sleep. Pushing the door of her bedroom open, Meredith sighed wearily as she looked at her comfy bed waiting for her. After the day's events and exhaustion, all Meredith wanted was to walk over and collapse into her warm bed and just forget about everything else.

Coming back to the house from the hospital had not been an easy thing for Meredith either. As soon as the front door of the house had opened, Meredith and Lexie had been greeted with Susan's miffed but otherwise deadpan expression. Susan had barely spoken three words to Meredith during dinner, which was not really a new thing for either of them. Meredith was used to Susan's indifferent silence towards her, and Susan was accustomed to Meredith's presence in her home. But, that night, Susan kept throwing glares towards Meredith in a way that made it clear that Thatcher staying over at the hospital to look after Ellis was something that Susan was not going to brush off that easily.

Sinking down on the mattress, Meredith slid the strap of her bag down her shoulder and kept it aside. She couldn't really blame Susan for being mad – any normal wife would be mad if her husband stayed with his ex-wife overnight, even if it was in a hospital. That was mainly why Meredith had wanted to stay over with Ellis; Meredith did not want to cause any more troubles between her father and her stepmom because of Ellis' precarious condition.

Meredith breathed out loudly as she discarded her jacket and tossed it aside carelessly. Freeing her hair from the messy ponytail, she rubbed her face with her hands as she fell back on the bed. The soft mattress sank under Meredith's weight and she rolled over on her stomach to switch off the table lamp that was still glowing brightly.

As Meredith reached for the switch of the lamp, her eyes caught the small black corner of her diary poking out of her bag. She remembered all of a sudden that she had never finished writing her daily diary entry, given how she had lost the diary mid-writing. Exhaling, Meredith got up from the bed and reached for her bag to pull her diary out. It was a self-imposed rule that Meredith had created the day she had started keeping the diary with her – she never went to bed without sharing the day's events with her stiff-backed, papery friend.

Grabbing a pen from the night table, Meredith casually flipped the diary open, poised to start writing from where she had left off earlier. However, as soon as Meredith flipped open the middle pages of the diary, an unfamiliar handwriting caught her eye – a handwriting that was _not_ hers.

Doing a double take, Meredith sat up straighter in her bed as she flipped the pages of the diary again, only to find a neat, loopy handwriting gracing the notebook's pages instead of her messy chicken scrawl. Eyes widening, Meredith's hands moved quickly to open the front page of the diary and all her suspicions were confirmed.

A small, bold, capital letter 'M' had been inscribed in one corner of the first page of Meredith's diary in neat black ink. It had been Meredith's way of personalizing her diary in the most minimal way possible, since Meredith hated gaudy and over the top decorations. But now, that small 'M' was gone from the page, and the page was as blank as an empty bottle.

Heart beating irregularly, Meredith snapped the notebook shut and gripped it tightly in her hands. Perfect, just perfect. What a great way to top off an already perfect day. She had spent all her day immersed in guilt and anxiety and a constant state of mental stress, and now, now, she had ended up losing her only reliable, non-judgmental confidant and companion and had come home with God knew whose diary in her hands.

* * *

 _Next day –_

"Lexie!" Meredith cried rather loudly in the silent house, banging softly on her sister's bedroom door.

A crash and an irritable groan were heard simultaneously from the interiors of the bedroom and about a minute later, the door opened to reveal Lexie's wide awake face.

"Wha –"Lexie started to say but stopped when she saw Meredith's face. "Oh, Mer, it's you. I thought it was Mom again," Lexie murmured, noticing her sister's upset face. "What's up? Come in," Lexie said, moving out of the way so that Meredith could enter the room.

Meredith rushed past Lexie and plonked down on one edge of the bed. "Sorry, I know I must have woken you up, but..." Meredith trailed off guiltily.

"Hey, it's fine. I wasn't asleep," Lexie said as she came and seated herself beside Meredith. "So, what's wrong? Why do you look so upset?"

Meredith avoided eye contact with her sister as she played over the fight she had just overheard inside her head. Why did these kinds of things always happen with her? The more she tried to stay out of everyone's way, the more she caused trouble for everyone and for herself. The more she tried to stay invisible, the more obtrusive she became, always.

"Mer, what's wrong? Tell me," Lexie urged gently, placing a hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"I just..." Meredith started and then paused briefly, pondering what to say. "I – Susan and Dad are fighting. I just heard them in their bedroom – I mean, I was not eavesdropping; I was just passing by and I heard them and..." Meredith mumbled uncertainly.

"Oh, damn. That's – Mom is just...She doesn't need to fight about this too!" Lexie groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Lex, it's not her fault, alright? It's mine. It's my fault that I am not capable of providing shelter for my mother," Meredith said, rubbing her face with her palm.

"Mer, it's not _your_ fault," Lexie stated firmly. "Can you stop blaming yourself for everything? And besides, it's not like it's anything permanent. It's just a temporary arrangement till we find a good nursing home for your Mom. And how in the blue hell would you be able to provide shelter for your Mom? You are so young, Mer. You just graduated from college," Lexie reasoned out.

"And most graduate people earn their own living! Not everyone lives with his or her parents at the age of 22 like I do," Meredith huffed in exasperation. She felt angry and frustrated, but she had no idea who she was angry at – the universe or her fate or herself.

"Mer, you will be earning your own living pretty soon too. You just need some time to get things sorted out. Once your novel is finished, you'll be famous and rolling in gold. Then, we'd have to come and live with you," Lexie said with a chuckle, trying to buck her sister up.

Meredith groaned. "Not everyone who writes a novel becomes famous or rich, Lex. And besides, I have written like _two_ pages of said novel, so..."

"Mer, you'll be famous one day. I believe in you," Lexie said, "And when you are a famous writer like J.K. Rowling or Dan Brown, you'll look back on this day and laugh at your stupidity. Don't beat yourself up over Mom and Dad's fight, they'll be fine."

"Right," Meredith said rolling her eyes. "Oh, and another thing to top off my already awesome life. I went to the Lost and Found office today to ask about my diary and the diary I had picked up by mistake. The lady said she had no idea whose diary I had picked up the other day, and she had no idea where my own diary was either," Meredith grumbled. "So, now, I am not only a jobless, useless dependant, but also diary-less."

"Oh, Mer. You are not useless, and I am so sorry you didn't find your diary. Did you return the diary to Lost and Found?"

"No," Meredith said on a sigh. "I thought about it once, but I just...I don't know, I just couldn't bring myself to return it back. I guess I want payback – if someone else has my diary, I want to have theirs," Meredith said and then grimaced at her illogical reasoning. "Damn, that made me sound like a kidnapper holding someone hostage for a ransom."

Lexie laughed at her sister's ramble. "No, it's only fair to want revenge on the universe for taking your best friend away from you. By the way, did you try checking the diary for a name of the owner or something?"

Meredith nodded. "Yes, I did. But, first and last pages are completely blank. Apparently, the diary belonged to a crazy person like me who didn't want to write his or her name down on it," Meredith said.

Lexie chuckled. "So, seems like you finally found your perfect match. You should get married to the diary owner if you ever find him out," Lexie joked.

Meredith scrunched up her nose at her sister's joke and said, "Lexie! That's stupid. Even I am not crazy enough to do something like that. And besides, how do you know it's a he? It could be a girl for all we know. I don't think I'd want to marry girls."

Lexie grinned mischievously at that. "Well, we could find out if he's a he or a she..." she answered cryptically.

Wrinkling her brow in confusion, Meredith asked, "How?"

"Hmmm...We could...read the diary..." Lexie suggested, causing Meredith to gasp slightly.

"Lexie!"Meredith said, slapping her sister's arm lightly. "That's – that's just wrong. We can't read someone's diary like that. It's a personal diary – we cannot go about reading someone's personal stuff. That's just – that's against my moral principles."

"It may be against _your_ moral principles, not mine. I could read the diary, and who knows? Maybe the person mentioned his or her name somewhere in the journal. Besides, it would be interesting..." Lexie said, earning a glare from Meredith.

"No. That's a no. It'd be – it'd be invasion of someone's privacy. My diary is lost, and I know that I wouldn't want someone to read my diary or the details of my private life that I wrote in it. I respect that other person's privacy too. Just because I am keeping the diary doesn't mean I am going to read it," Meredith reasoned out with her sister.

Lexie pretended to roll her eyes and said, "Fine, Ms. Moral. Don't read it. But, hey, at least the diary got your mind off other stuff..."

Meredith shook her head. "No, other stuff is still there on my mind," she sighed and said, "Guess it's gonna be another sleepless night for me."

"No, no more sleepless nights for you. You worry about things too much. You will sleep with me tonight, or you will keep yourself up all night with all your worries about the world," Lexie stated firmly, pointing to the other side of the bed.

"Nah, you don't have to do that. I'll keep you up with my tossing and turning around in bed. I'm fine in my room," Meredith said as she started to get up from the bed. "Sorry, for biting your head off with my rambles about my woes."

"Mer," Lexie said, catching her hand. "You never bite my head off. Come, sleep in my bed. We'll have fun, like we used to have back in school. C'mon...Please? It's been ages since I had a sleepover with my sister." Lexie said with a smile, patting the bed with her hand.

Meredith sighed as she looked at her sister's face. Lexie could be so damn nice sometimes – Meredith had no idea what she'd do without her sister in her life. "Fine," Meredith sighed dramatically as she gave in and climbed over to the other side of the bed. "But, don't complain if I kick you out of the bed in the middle of the night," she warned light-heartedly as she plopped down on the bed.

Lexie smiled as she dimmed the lights and lay down beside her sister. "Oh, if you kick me out of bed, I'll hit your head with a pillow. It's been way too long since I had had a pillow fight with you," Lexie said with a chuckle.

Meredith only laughed in response as Lexie wrapped an arm around her sister affectionately.

"See, this is the advantage of living in the same house as your family. Who would you have sleepovers and pillow fights with if you lived alone?" Lexie asked as the two sisters laughed and started talking about anything under the sun as the night progressed.

 _Flashback –_

" _Susan, you have to understand. The nursing home at Roseridge is not taking care of Ellis properly. That's why I want to bring her here. It's only for a few days. Once we find a good nursing home for Ellis that's closer to home, we'll transfer her there. She is not going to live here forever," Thatcher reasoned out with his wife as Susan paced in the bedroom angrily._

" _No way, Thatcher. No way in hell am I going to allow your ex-wife to live in the same house with us. No matter what the conditions are," Susan bit back angrily at her husband._

" _Susan, you know what Ellis' condition is like, don't you? She is barely hanging in there, and Meredith feels so guilty about not being able to take care of her mother all the time. If Ellis lives here with us for a few days, Meredith's guilt will subside a little too."_

 _Susan shot Thatcher a glare. "If Meredith feels guilty about not being able to take care of her mother, then tell her to get her own place and live with her mother there. Ellis can't live under my roof, and that's final," Susan said decisively._

 _Thatcher sighed in frustration. "Susie, you know that Meredith does not have the financial condition to support herself and her mother yet. And we can't expect her to be, she is so young. It has hardly been two months since her graduation."_

" _And graduated people are capable enough to fend for themselves. Tell her to get a job like a normal person and support herself and her mother. How long will they be an imposition on us?"_

" _Susan!" Thatcher raised his voice. "How dare you call my daughter an imposition? She can live with me as long as she damn well wants to!"_

" _I am not kicking Meredith out of the house, am I? She can live here, even though I personally think that she should give up that pipe dream of hers and get a real job like a normal person. I am just saying that we are not taking up the responsibility of Ellis Grey too. Meredith is fine, but she can't expect us to shoulder her whole family," Susan said, her tone defiant._

" _Ellis is not just Meredith's family. I was married to Ellis once, and we remained friends even after our divorce. She is Meredith's mother, and I have a responsibility towards her too, especially when she is so ill," Thatcher explained._

 _Susan gave her husband a long, cold stare. "Oh, so now you remember that you have a responsibility towards your ex-wife? And what about your responsibilities to your present wife and family? You don't have any responsibility towards us?"_

" _Susan, of course I do. And I_ am _fulfilling all my responsibilities towards you. I am just trying to help Ellis in a time of difficulty –"_

" _No. We can't help everyone in their times of need, we are not a freaking charity centre. If Meredith wants to live with her mother, tell her to give up that stupid ambition of being a writer, and tell her to get a real job. At first, your ex-wife imposes Meredith on us when she was four years old, and now, your ex-wife too...No way," Susan said, shaking her head._

" _Susan, stop calling Mer an imposition. She never did you any harm; what is your problem with her?"_

" _My problem is that she is riding on your coattails and fantasizing about all those unrealistic dreams and ambitions of her, and you can't even see it. When will you understand that your daughter is a cold, manipulative, deceiving person just like her mother?" Susan asked, causing Thatcher's temper to flare._

" _Susan! Shut up, just shut up! I won't hear anything about my daughter anymore. This is_ my _house, and I get to decide who lives here and who doesn't. You have never been a mother to Meredith, at least back off of her now."_

 _Susan huffed. "Fine, I wasn't a mother to Meredith, but I wasn't a wicked, evil stepmom either, alright? I accepted her in my house, in my family just because she is your daughter, and I never tried to kick her out, did I? But, not her mother too. That I won't allow."_

" _Susan –" Thatcher argued and the altercation between the duo kept going on and on, both of them unaware that Meredith was standing just outside the room and listening to the whole argument, her eyes shining with unshed tears._

* * *

Two days later, Meredith's mind was made up about what she wanted to do. Thatcher had somehow persuaded Susan to let Ellis stay over with them for a few days, but Meredith hadn't forgotten the words she had heard from Susan. Susan was right – it was time that Meredith got herself a job and started paying her own bills. She no longer wanted to be dependent on her father and her stepmom, and God knew how long it would take Meredith to actually become a writer and earn something off that profession. So, having no other choice, Meredith had come to the only place she knew she could come to when in trouble – The Seattle Public Library. But, this time, it was not for her usual purpose of reading; this time, Meredith had come to the library in search of a job.

Making her way inside the large building that had been Meredith's favourite haunt since childhood, she knew that this was the only job that she would be happy doing for now. She loved books, she had always loved books and reading and writing. While the writing part was not really working out for her at the moment, she could earn a decent amount by putting her love for reading to good use. She spent most of her time in the library anyway, so it wouldn't really feel like a job to her, and she would get paid for it too. It would be a win-win situation for her.

Walking up to the familiar librarian's desk, Meredith smiled politely at Mrs. Smith.

"Meredith," Mrs. Smith said, smiling when she saw the young girl come up to her. "I was wondering what happened to you since you didn't come here for the last couple of days. Everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah, everything is fine now. I just had some personal stuff that I needed to deal with," Meredith said, not wanting to elaborate much.

"That's good. The books here missed you," Mrs. Smith said, "So, back to reading again?"

Meredith sighed. "Um – actually, no. I am – I am not here for reading today...I am here for something else."

"What, honey?" Mrs. Smith asked fondly.

"Um – I just – I needed a job," Meredith blurted out unceremoniously and then said, "I meant to say that, would you like to employ me as a Library Assistant? I come here almost every day, and I figured that I could put my knowledge of the books and the library to good use. You know, do all the clerical stuff and also help the people with books and stuff..." Meredith rambled as she tried to explain.

Mrs. Smith furrowed her eyebrow for a moment before saying, "But, I already have an assistant –"

"Well, I am sure you could use another helping hand," Meredith piped up. "I just – I really need this job, and I'm out of college too, so it'll be a full-time job," Meredith said, biting her lower lip and hoping like hell that she got the job.

Mrs. Smith stayed silent for a while, and Meredith's hopes deflated. Damn, she should have known that getting a job in the library wouldn't be that easy. Nothing in her life had ever been easy, so there was no reason why things would change all of a sudden.

"It's okay, I get it..." Meredith said after she failed to get an answer from Mrs. Smith. "Thanks for your time," she said and started to walk towards the entrance.

"Meredith, wait!" Mrs. Smith called out to her, causing Meredith to halt and turn around. "I'd love to have you here as my assistant," Mrs. Smith said with a wide grin.

Meredith couldn't believe her ears as she said, "Really?"

"Yes. Of course, no one knows this library better than you, and I'd be fool to turn you down," Mrs. Smith answered and said, "Welcome to the Seattle Public Library, Meredith. You can start from today."

Meredith's face broke out into a radiant smile as she muttered, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Finally, Meredith Grey had a job, and one that she could do with all her heart.

* * *

Sitting behind her desk, Meredith turned a page of her book casually as she glanced up to see if anyone had entered the library. It was Meredith's second day at her new job, and so far, Meredith was having quite fun at it. She sat behind the desk most of the day, reading her own book as readers came and went. Sometimes, she had to get up and leave her book and actually work, like check the books being taken in and out of the library, collect fines and fees, answer general phone questions, issue library cards, process new library materials and put the returned books and other items in their proper places on the bookshelves. But, most of the time, she could sit at her desk calmly and read her own book, and others would do the same. It didn't feel like much of a change to Meredith – previously, she used to sit there and just read, now she sat there, read and did a little work and got paid $15 per hour for it.

Meredith scanned the entire library once with her sharp, green eyes and then returned to the book she was reading. Getting herself lost in the printed words as usual, she started when a voice said, "Aha! Behind the desk today, I see."

Meredith's eyes snapped up from the sentence she had been in the middle of reading and locked with a familiar pair of cerulean eyes.

"You?" Meredith asked, her lips curving upwards into a tiny smile for no reason at all as she took in the appearance of the blue-eyed guy she had met a few days ago.

"Yes, me," the guy smiled as he approached her desk, shoving his hands in the pockets of his black denims. "I didn't know that you became the librarian of this library," he remarked as his eyes raked over Meredith's form.

Meredith chuckled at his words as she took in the messy curls that sat atop his head, the crooked smile his lips had widened into, the firm yet gentle definition of his jaw and the blue shirt that he was wearing which only served to bring out the mesmerizing cerulean colour of his eyes. "I am not the Librarian, that's still Mrs. Smith's job. I'm the new Library Assistant/ Technician here," Meredith said as she gave the guy a once-over, her heart doing a weird fluttery thing in her chest.

"Oh, well, congrats on the new job, then! How are you enjoying this job so far?" the guy asked, grinning at her cryptically. "I know for a fact that it can be pretty slow and boring sometimes."

Meredith shook her head as she sat a straighter in her chair. "Nope, not boring so far. It's slow, but I like it. Gives me enough time to get my own reading done," Meredith answered, holding up the book she was grasping in her hands. "You seem to have experience though," she said with a curious smile.

The guy placed his elbows on top of Meredith's desk and crossed his arms as he leant forward slightly. "I'll tell you a secret," the guy said with a secret smile. "I used to work here as a Library Assistant once upon a time," he said in a hushed tone, tilting his head to the side slightly and giving her a wink.

Meredith blushed at the wink the guy threw her. Why did the guy wink at her so much? And why did she have to blush like a teenager every time he did so? He had done it that first day and Meredith's cheeks had turned crimson instantly. Today, he was doing it again, but Meredith refused to let her blush get beyond control. She didn't need the guy to think that she had the hots for him or something, because she didn't. She barely knew the guy and it was only their second meeting. Yes, she noticed the guy's obvious good looks, but that didn't mean she had a thing for him. She just wasn't used to talking to boys and getting compliments and winks from them.

"Well, that's not so much of a secret, is it?" Meredith said with a giggle, trying to control the faint pink tinge in her cheeks.

"Well, but it is," the guy said with a small laugh. "I just shared a secret with you, and you go around undermining its importance? Not nice," he said as he kept leaning against the desk and grinned at her dreamily.

Meredith had no idea if what the guy was doing counted as flirting. Sure, he was smiling at her a lot, and he was leaning against her desk and he had winked at her, not to mention that he had called her hard not to notice that day, but did all of that fall in the category of flirting? Maybe, he was just making small talk with her, and that was his way of making small talk with girls – being all charming and suave and well, dreamy!

Meredith shook out of her internal monologue and realized that she hadn't said anything in reply to the guy yet. But, she had no idea what to say next to him either. Did that mean the end of their confab? Meredith didn't want it to be, but she was horrible at keeping up with conversation with complete strangers, and given that she was abysmally failing at coming up with something to say at the moment, she was sure that the guy would think that she was a bore and walk away.

"So, you did you read 'Emma' the other day?" the guy asked, scotching the silence that was turning into a mental battle for Meredith and Meredith couldn't be more thankful for it. There was something about the guy that made her feel at complete ease, something that made her want to sit down and talk to the guy for a long, long time.

"Oh, no, I couldn't read it...I had – uh – a family emergency," Meredith said. "But, I didn't forget about it," Meredith said as she closed the book in her hand partway and showed the guy the title on the cover of the book.

The guy's face broke out into a gentle, dreamy smile as he saw that she was reading 'Emma' and he said, "Oh, I didn't think you'd actually take a book recommendation from a complete stranger, but it's good to see that. Do you like it?"

Meredith mirrored his smile as she rejoined, "Oh, I love it. You were absolutely right, it's an amazing book. And, I take book recommendations from everyone, so feel free to drop one anytime you want."

"Hmm..." the guy hummed, and Meredith's heart did another one of those weird, fluttery things. What in the blue hell was wrong with her? Well, apart from the fact that the guy's low, soft hum was easily the sexiest and most delicious sound she had ever heard, nothing was wrong with her.

"Since I gave you a book recommendation," the guy started again, "don't you think you should return the favour by giving me a book recommendation as well? I am looking for something good to read today, and my mind is out of ideas. Besides, it's part of a Library Assistant's job to give book recommendations to readers." The guy finished with a smirk.

"Ah, yes, of course. I forgot I was talking to an experienced man," Meredith quipped with a soft smile as she bit her lower lip gently and racked her brains for a good book. "Well, it depends on what kind of book you want to read today. I mean, fantasy, or adventure, or romance, or suspense, or classics, hmm?" Meredith finally said.

"I don't know...Anything would be good," the guy said with a noncommittal nod and a shrug.

"Oh, then, um – try 'The Road' by Cormac McCarthy. I just finished reading it a few weeks ago, and it's really good. It's post-apocalyptic fiction, and everyone seems to be talking about it these days," Meredith said, hoping that her book recommendation was up to the mark for the guy. She had no idea why she wanted the guy to like her recommended book, but she just didn't want to disappoint him.

"Hmmm...That sounds intriguing. I'll check it out, thanks," the guy said with another dreamy smile as he finally took his elbows off the desk. "Wow, I must have wasted a lot of your time with my chatter," he remarked somewhat sheepishly.

"No, no, not at all," Meredith said quickly, mentally chiding herself for being so quick to respond. "As you said, it's slow here, and sometimes, it good to talk to someone about books," she said with a slightly nervous smile.

"Still. It's your new job, and technically, you are at work right now, so I did distract you from your work," he responded and scuffed the sole of his shoe against the floor. "So, um, I'll let you get back to your job, or your book, and I will go check out the book you mentioned," he finally said after a pregnant pause.

"Oh, okay," Meredith said as she gave him another smile and watched him walk away from her towards a table facing the open space of the study area. Her heart sank just a little at the end of the confabulation that she had been really enjoying, but oh well, he was taking a seat right in front of her eyes. At least, she could look up from her book from time to time and let her eyes sweep over her dreamy Library Guy buried in his book.

* * *

"Hey," Lexie said as the door of the apartment swung open to reveal the face of a tall, well-built, blonde guy.

"Hey, baby, I missed you," he said and pulled Lexie into a tight hug.

Lexie smiled as she gave in to the embrace and let him pull her inside the apartment. "I know, Mark, I missed you too. But, things have been so crazy this week that I didn't get the time to come and visit you," she said as she shucked her coat and dropped herself on the plush couch.

"Why? What happened?" Mark asked as he plopped down beside her and pulled her close.

"Hmm..."Lexie sighed as she melted into Mark's embrace and said, "Mer's Mom got ill a few days ago and was admitted to the hospital. Dad decided to take her out of the nursing home in Roseridge and bring her over to our place for a few days. That caused my Mom to flip shit at Dad and...Now, Mer's Mom is staying with us for a while, but there is too much tension in the house with her around. Mom won't speak to Dad, and she sends death glares his way every other minute...And Mer is very upset over that, because she blames herself for it...So, as I said, things are a bit tense in my family right now..."

Mark cupped Lexie's cheek with his palm and softly brushed his lips against hers. "Well, how about I take your mind off all your stress and tension?" he suggested as he planted another soft kiss on her neck.

Lexie giggled as Mark continued to plant kisses along her neck and said, "But, I thought we were gonna go out for coffee?"

"Ah, coffee is overrated. This is much better," Mark said as he smiled mischievously at her.

Lexie bit her lower lip for a minute. She had just started dating Mark – well, she wasn't sure if it could be called dating. Mark was an utter playboy and he didn't believe in love and dating. For him, they were just having a casual fling for fun. But, Lexie knew that her feelings for Mark went deeper than that. However, she had no idea how to bring her feelings forth, so she took what she got – just sex and casual fun. But, sometimes, she felt like that was all there was to it – sex, and she had no idea what she'd do once Mark got bored with her.

Lips curving into a smile, Lexie suppressed her feelings for Mark for the time being and said, "Well, then. What are you waiting for? Take me to the bed." She pressed her lips against Mark's firmly as she climbed on his lap and straddled him.

"Whatever you say, baby," Mark murmured against her lips and picked her up in his arms.

Wrapping her legs around Mark's lean waist, Lexie let him carry her to his bedroom, their lips locked together. She had no idea what to do with her feelings for Mark when all he wanted was a casual relationship, but she could at least enjoy it while it lasted and let him ease her worries for the moment.

* * *

 **A/N: I know that a lot of Meredith's background is still in the dark, but as you can see, our Meredith is a very shy person here. So, she will tell her story in her own time. Meanwhile, I know that you must be dying to know our Library Guy's side of the story too, so next chapter will be from his perspective. Is he gonna be as shy as Meredith, or is he going to open up to us a bit more? Well, you will have to wait till the next chapter in order to find out.**

 **I absolutely love reviews, and I have the next update ready, so leave reviews on this chapter :)**

 **Please review and let me know your opinions!**

 **Cheers,**

 **DBI**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **DarkAndTwistyGrey –** Thank you! I am glad you liked it! Hope you liked this chapter too!

 **msnovelist –** Thanks so much for reviewing! We'll get to whose diary it was in the next chapter! Thank you, I'm flattered! :)

 **bhavyam1998 –** Thanks a lot for the review! You were right; Meredith did pick up someone else's diary, but was it Derek's? Next chapter, you'll get the answer. I'm glad that you love it, thanks.

 **RhizOneill –** Thank you! I'm glad you loved it! More is on the way, I promise!

 **Patsy –** Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you loved it. Looks like your wish of Meredith and Derek meeting again just got fulfilled! More about the other black book soon!

 **Guest #1 –** Thank you! Meredith did pick up someone else's diary! But, who is the owner? Next chapter, I promise. Glad you loved it :)

 **ashmo2000 –** Thank you so much! Glad you think so! More is on the way!

 **Cheryl –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! Meredith sure does have someone else's journal, but owner will be revealed next chapter. How did you like the meeting between Meredith and her Library Guy in this chapter? Let me know :)

 **Dora –** Thanks a lot! More is on the way, I promise! We haven't even got to the fun parts yet! ;)

 **CiaraM –** Thanks so much! Extremely glad you love this! Your review brightened up my day!

 **Sara –** Thank you so much! I'm so happy that you think so. Did you like the Meredith and Library Guy interaction in this chapter? Let me know.

 **Margaret –** Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm extremely gratified that you think so. Diary, next chapter, promise! :)

 **PKLizzard –** Thank you! I'm so glad that you think so!

 **Amanda –** Thanks a lot! Your review made my day! More is on the way, I promise!

 **japa01 –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you like my story; I did aim to do something that has never been done before. Hope you liked this chapter!

 **snv3 –** Thank you for the review! Agreed, Meredith is having a difficult time right now. Next chapter will deal with the mystery of the diary, so stay tuned! Thanks!

 **Gina –** Thank you! I'm happy that I have your interest piqued! More is on the way!

 **xtiannax –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Extremely happy that you think so about my story! Diary's puzzle will be solved soon, I promise! :)

 **Jane –** Thank you for your sweet words! Your review made my day! More is on the way!

 **Carla –** Thanks a lot! I'm glad that you love it! More is coming!

 **Cindy Lou –** Thanks a lot for the lovely review! I'm extremely happy that you love it! More is coming!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here is the next instalment, guys! I know I made you wait a while for this one, but here it is. Thank you to all of you for the constant support, all reviews have been answered at the bottom.**

* * *

Derek Shepherd walked down the hallway of Providence Hospice in Seattle in his customary dark blue scrubs, with a tray of food in his hands. A smile was plastered on his face as he walked towards the room of Tim – his favourite patient. Well, Derek knew that he should not play favourites, and honestly, he loved all the patients of the hospice in the same way, but Tim was definitely his favourite patient.

Tim or Timothy was a 65 year old man, suffering from Stage III Chronic Lymphocytic Leukaemia. He was a retired professor of English Literature, and he had been admitted to the hospice a year ago, when the doctors had finally announced that his prognosis was dim. Since then, Tim was a patient of Providence Hospice.

It had been a year since Derek had started working in the hospice too. Derek still remembered his first day at work vividly. His first patient had been Tim, and as soon as Derek had entered Tim's room, he had been greeted with a smile from the retired professor. Tim had commented on how Derek was not his usual guy, and Derek had timidly replied that he was new at work. After that, Tim had asked Derek to read out a short story to him, since Tim himself could not read any more due to poor vision. Since that first meeting on Derek's first day, Derek had grown increasingly attached to the old professor. From small talks about general topics, Derek and Tim's conversations had gradually escalated to talks about their personal lives. Slowly, Tim had turned into a close friend of Derek and Derek had taken to calling Tim as his 'favourite old man.'

Derek had started working in the hospice as a care worker only a year ago, and working there brought an inexplicable sense of peace to his heart and soul. But his reason for working there went way deeper. Derek's mother – Carolyn Shepherd had died of leukaemia when Derek had been eight years old. Derek had been very close to his mother, so naturally, his mother's death had affected him deeply. But, with Carolyn's death, Derek had not lost only one parent – he and his only sister, Amelia had lost both their parents. Derek's father, Michael Shepherd had been so traumatized by his wife's death that he had withdrawn himself from everyone, including his children. People had thought that it was just a part of the mourning process and that it'd be over soon. But, they had been wrong. As time passed by, Michael grew more and more aloof from his family members, his friends and his two small children. Michael immersed himself into work and business, leaving eight-year old Derek to look after his five year old sister. Thus, Derek became the man of the house at the tender age of eight, and he started fending for himself and his sister from then on. And nothing about that had changed till date. Derek Shepherd, at the age of 25, was still the man of the Shepherd household, and Michael Shepherd was still as busy with his work as before.

Derek, who had shouldered his sister emotionally from the age of eight, had never really had time for romance in his life. Being responsible for his sister's and his own well-being, he had never found the time to fall in love. No, he was not an innocent virginal man at the age of 25, but he was not a man who had fallen in love either. He had dated a few girls back in college, but none of those relationships had been serious. Those few relationships had only been flings and had lasted for two or three months at most. To be honest, Derek had never allowed himself to fall in love with any girl. He had always kept in mind that he had to fend for himself and his sister, and in the process of doing that, romance had automatically taken a backseat his life. Until now.

Not that things were very much different now. No, Derek Shepherd was single and he was not planning to settle down anytime soon. He had no intentions of falling in love or getting married yet. Heck, he wasn't even ready for a serious relationship – something more than just a casual fling. The only thing that was different in Derek Shepherd's life now was his Library Girl.

Library Girl – as his sister, Amy had so easily named her. The enigmatic blonde girl who sat behind the Library Assistant's desk in Seattle Public Library. The girl Derek Shepherd had developed a stupid, useless, hopeless crush on since the day his eyes had first landed on her. The girl who he talked with on a daily basis now, but whose name he had yet to ask. Library Girl.

It had all started out as an innocuous book recommendation, and it had snowballed into a strong crush that Derek had no idea how to get rid of. Every time he visited the library, he found his Library Girl sitting behind her desk with a book in her hands. As usual, she would be buried in her book when he would enter the library, and Derek would find his heart thudding wildly in his ribcage for some weird reason. His head would be buzzing like electrons as he would check her out from his spot in the doorway. She was a tiny thing, with long dark-blonde hair that she left loose on some days and tied up into a messy ponytail on others, and sharp grey-green eyes that seemed to be so full of life. She never wore any makeup, and she was always dressed up casually in jeans and a sweater. He hadn't seen her wearing a dress or even a skirt on any of the days he visited the library, and he had finally come to the conclusion that Library Girl liked comfy clothing.

Her face would light up with a smile by the time he would finally move from his spot and approach her desk. Derek could never make up his mind about which was the best thing about his Library Girl – her smile or her eyes. Her eyes were so beautiful – bright and full of life, capable of pulling anyone in and so expressive too. But her smile – that was another story. Her smile could light up the entire room in a heartbeat, and it could make his heart skip several beats, not just one. Her eyes could convey all her emotions to him without actual conversation, but her soft smile could make him forget all about his day's woes.

After approaching her desk, Derek would engage in a long, heart-to-heart conversation with her about books. Most of their conversations revolved around books and they never really talked about any personal topics. They would talk about what books they had read thus far, and then, he would playfully ask her for a book recommendation. It was a thing they did – they exchanged book recommendations. She would smile that beautiful smile of hers and then bite her bottom lip gently as she would rack her brains for a good book. And while she thought about what book to recommend, he would drink in her beautiful facial features. He had noticed so many things about Library Girl over time – one, she tended to ramble a lot and then blushed when she realized that she was rambling; two, she always bit her plump bottom lip whenever she was thinking about something, and Derek's breath would catch in his throat every time she did that; three, she blushed a lot when he flirted with her, which he tended to do a lot too; four, whenever he told her something funny, she would giggle in the most adorable way possible, and her giggle was so different from any other giggle he had ever heard. Her giggle was not an affected, overly girlish giggle. It was light and airy like a wisp of cloud, and it was feminine and enchanting like an enchantress. It was like a carefully wrought melody, a beautifully composed symphony and it felt like ethereal music to Derek's ears. And all these little things about Library Girl endeared her more and more to him.

Another habit that Library Girl had was twirling a strand of her gorgeous honey-blonde tresses around her index finger while reading. She always did that – always. Even when her hair was tied up into a ponytail, some stray strands of hair would always escape from the ponytail and she would wrap one of them around her finger. Whenever Derek would look up from his own book to look at her, he'd find her wrapping a lock of her blonde hair around and around her index finger as she read her book, and then, she would unravel the lock to start twirling it around her finger all over again. And Derek would watch her, completely mesmerized by every graceful movement she made, every adorable and light giggle she let out, every entrancing smile she sent his way. He was completely and totally captivated by her in a way that he had never been captivated by any other girl in his entire life.

Shaking his head of his thoughts about his Library Girl, Derek entered Tim's room with a wide grin on his face.

"Hey, how are you, my favourite old man?" Derek asked as he set the tray down on Tim's bedside table and deposited himself in the chair by Tim's bed.

Tim averted his eyes from the window and looked at Derek, a smile immediately creeping up on his face. "Derek, here you are. I was wondering why you were taking so long today," Tim said as he shifted the blankets covering his body so that he could sit up properly.

Derek stood up immediately to help Tim, but Tim held out his hand to Derek, indicating that he wanted to do it on his own. Derek backed away and sat down in his chair again as Tim finally brought himself to a seating position and looked at Derek with twinkling eyes.

"So, what's for dinner today?" Tim asked in a light-hearted tone. "I was so sick of that crap that they fed me in the hospital; I'm glad I'm back here."

Derek smiled as he rejoined, "Steak and key lime pie. Your favourite."

Tim had been admitted to the hospital two weeks ago when his condition had taken a turn for the worse all of a sudden. Derek, who was emotionally attached to Tim, had accompanied Tim to the hospital and stayed there with Tim till the doctors had discharged him after stabilization.

"Oh, that makes my stomach rumble with anticipation," Tim said, licking his lips like a small child, causing Derek to laugh. "But, our thing first. So, what're ya going to read to me today?"

Derek grinned. It was a thing that he and Tim had been doing since their first meeting. Derek read out short stories, poetry or parts of full-length novels to Tim before lunch and dinner. It was like their sacred ritual.

"Hmm...How about a poem today? We did a story yesterday," Derek said, taking out an anthology of poetry from his own bag.

"Ok, poem it is. But, read a good one," Tim said in a mock stern voice.

Derek chuckled. "Have I ever read one that is not good?"

Tim shook his head as the duo laughed. Derek opened the book and flipped the pages quickly, skimming the title of the poem on each page. After a few minutes, he finally stopped at one page.

"Hmmm...I'll read this one out. 'One Art' by Elizabeth Bishop," Derek read out loud as Tim nodded his head in approval.

"The art of losing isn't hard to master/ So many things seem filled with the intent/ to be lost that their loss is no disaster," Derek started to read the poem.

"It's such a beautiful poem," Tim remarked. "So profound and meaningful..."

Derek nodded his head as he continued reading, "Lose something every day/ Accept the fluster/ of lost door keys, the hour badly spent/ The art of losing isn't hard to master."

Derek read the next few stanzas of the poem and snapped the book shut as he read the final line of the poem.

Tim smiled at him and said, "So, Derek, tell me. What does this poem tell us?"

Derek let out a heavy breath, his head filled with so many thoughts. He had lost so many things in his life too – his mom, his dad, his childhood, and recently – his diary. And even after losing so much, he still hadn't mastered the art of losing. He was still scared of losing Amy, of losing Tim – and now, for some strange reason, he was scared of losing Library Girl. Damn, what was he thinking? He didn't even know the name of Library Girl.

"It...It's about losing someone close to you...It's about losing a loved one, and it tells that when we lose a loved one, all those other losses that felt so great to us at some point, they seem so insubstantial," Derek whispered, his eyes trained on a spot on the wall in front of him.

"You're going to make a very good writer one day," Tim remarked, causing Derek to look up at him.

"Thanks, old man," Derek said with a grin, bringing back some humour into their grave conversation. "Now, enough of poetry. Your steak is waiting for you."

Tim nodded as Derek stood up and brought over the food tray to Tim. As Derek tied the bib around Tim's neck, Tim asked, "So, how's your Library Girl?"

Derek smiled at Tim as he sat back down in his chair and Tim started his dinner. Tim and Amy were the only two people who knew about Library Girl and his crush on her. "She's good. Still as enigmatic and captivating as ever," Derek replied fondly.

"You're so enamoured with her; it's extremely adorable," Tim said as he cut up his steak. "Did ya grow a pair and ask her name yet?"

Derek shook his head. "No...I – I haven't had the opportunity to."

"Derek, if you don't ask her name soon, I'm going to ban you from my room. You've given such a vivid description of her over the last two weeks – I'm going to die out of anticipation if I don't get to know the name of that lovely girl soon," Tim said sternly. "Besides, who knows? I may die tomorrow for all I know and then I'll never get to know the name of your Library Girl," Tim said seriously.

Derek's smile disappeared from his face. "Tim, don't you dare talk like that. Your old ass is going to be stuck here, with me at least for two more years."

Tim laughed. "How do you know that? Are you a fortune teller?"

"I just know," Derek said, "And...I'll ask her name soon, I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that promise then," Tim replied through a mouthful of steak, and then coughed slightly.

Derek immediately got up and picking up the glass of water from Tim's tray, he held it to Tim's lips. "Don't talk so much while eating," Derek admonished in a gruff voice.

Tim's coughs subsided and he smiled. "Don't you worry about your old man, Derek. I'm fine. I'm not going anytime anywhere soon," he said in a reassuring voice.

"Who said I'm worrying? I don't worry about you," Derek joked as he took his seat and Tim resumed eating his dinner, and a companionable silence fell over them.

* * *

Derek sat down on his bed and leaned back against the pillows kept against the headrest. He had arrived in his apartment an hour ago after finishing his shift at the hospice, and now he was preparing to go to bed.

Leaning against the headrest, Derek grabbed his bag from the night table and took out the little black notebook that had been lying untouched in his bag for the last two weeks. Two weeks ago, when Derek had gone to Seattle Grace Hospital for Tim's treatment, he had ended up losing his diary during the fire in the West Wing of the hospital. And later, when he had gone to the Lost and Found to ask about his diary, the woman at the desk had handed him a little black notebook that looked exactly like his diary. But, upon returning home, he had discovered that the diary was not his diary. It was someone else's diary – someone whose name began with an 'M,' because a capital letter 'M' was scribed boldly in one corner of the front page of the diary. Derek had gone back to the Lost and Found the next day to ask about it, but the woman who had handed him the diary had not been there. Someone else had been sitting behind the desk at Lost and Found, and Derek had returned home disappointed. Since then, the diary had been lying in his bag like an unnecessary object. Derek hadn't touched it, let alone read it.

Derek would be fibbing if he said that the thought of reading the diary hadn't crossed his mind once or twice. But, every time, he had held himself back thinking about the person who the diary belonged to. He didn't want to intrude in that stranger's privacy. But tonight, after two whole weeks, Derek found himself opening the diary up and flipping through it. He might as well read the diary now; he was probably never going to find the diary's real owner.

Turning the first two pages of the diary, Derek looked at the page where the diary's owner had started writing. He took in the messy chicken scrawl that filled the page, and somehow, the scrawl seemed awfully appealing to him. Most people would deem the scrawl as untidy, but something about that handwriting put Derek at ease almost instantly. The handwriting felt homely and endearing, and Derek had a feeling that the person who the handwriting belonged to was equally endearing and homely.

Letting out a soft sigh, Derek subdued his feelings of guilt that were plaguing him for reading someone else's personal diary, and started reading the very first diary entry.

 _17_ _th_ _May, 1993_

 _9:30 p.m._

 _Okay, so this is my first diary entry ever, and hence I've no idea how to start it. I guess I'll just start by writing a bit about myself. I'm just a simple 9-year old girl with a not-so-simple life. But, I'll get into the details of that later on. I live in Seattle, Washington. I'm in the third grade and I attend Gatewood Elementary School in Seattle. My parents – well, that's where the complicated part comes in. My mother is a surgeon – a great one, and my Dad owns an advertising agency. He's pretty great at what he does too. But, problem is that, my parents are not together anymore. My mother cheated on my Dad with a co-worker when I was four, and so, my Mom and Dad got a divorce. My mother didn't want my custody; she didn't want to be a part of my life in any way, so she handed over my full custody to my Dad. Yes, that's right – my own biological mother didn't want anything to do with me because I'd be an obligation to her - a huge burden and responsibility and I would be a hindrance in the progression of her great surgical career. So, she gave up all her rights on me and moved to Boston to pursue her career. I started living with my Dad and since then, I haven't met my birth mother even once. She keeps no contact with me, none whatsoever. At first, I felt aggrieved and unwanted because my own mother didn't want me, but now I've learnt to live with it._

 _My Dad remarried when soon after divorcing my mother and a new person entered my life – my stepmom. I'm not gonna lie, my stepmom is nothing like the evil, wicked witch in 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.' She's a sweet person and she never maltreats me, but I can tell that she doesn't particularly like me either. She barely says two words to me all day; it's like she remains oblivious to my presence in her home. And that's fine with me; I mean, how could my stepmom love and want me when my own biological mother didn't? Anyway, when I was five years old, my stepmom and my Dad had a little baby girl – my baby sister, Lex. Lex is four years old now, and to this date, Lex is my best and most trusted friend. She's a lot younger than me, but the age gap between us was never a hindrance to our friendship. She's not only my baby sister, but she's also my confidante, my backbone, my strength. I know that it may sound a little weird to other people, but between us sisters, that's the nature of our relationship._

 _My Dad is a very good Dad, but I and Lex don't really see him much. His ad agency keeps him very very busy, and he can hardly spare time for me and my sis. So, I don't have a mother, and in essence, I don't have a Dad either. At least Lex has her Mom to take care of her. Gosh, this is starting to sound more like a sob story than a diary entry._

 _I don't have any pets at the moment, but I used to have a pet goldfish when I was five. I called him Goldie, but he died within a month because I overfed him. Since that incident, my Dad refuses to buy any pets for me, because I don't know how to care for them yet. But, once I grow up, I'd really like to have a dog as my pet. I love dogs._

 _I also love reading. Yes, I'm one of those nerdy bookworms who always have their noses glued to books. I've loved reading for as long as I can remember, and it's my favourite hobby. My favourite author keeps changing, depending on what book I'm reading. As of now, my favourite author is Mark Twain, because I'm currently reading his book 'Oliver Twist.'_

 _Apart from reading, I also like to listen to music and write. My favourite bands are Duran Duran, The Go Go's and The Eurythmics. I love to write, whether it's a school essay or an original short story. My ambition is to become a famous writer one day._

 _My favourite colour is lavender, and green is a close second. My favourite cuisine is Italian, and I like to eat all other types of food except Chinese. I hate Chinese, period. I love all sorts of junk food, be it cheeseburgers, fries or chips. My Dad calls me a mini junk food junkie. My favourite ice-cream is strawberry ice-cream, and my favourite drink is a strawberry milkshake from McDonald's. I like Pepsi more than Coke. My favourite candy is Rocky Road Candy Bar. Even though I'm a bit grown up now, I like to watch 'Barney and Friends' a lot. My favourite part is when Barney concludes the show with his song 'I love you.'_

 _I dislike gossiping, and I hate clowns. I don't know why I hate clowns, but it's a relatively harmless fear. I also hate it when people make fun of others. That is why Gina is my worst enemy in school, because she loves to make fun of other people, especially me. She calls me a freak of nature because I'm a little shy and reserved. I hate her. So what if I talk less and read more? That's me, and I wouldn't change a thing about me, unless it'd be to win my mother's love. I still don't understand why my mother didn't want me. Was it because I am really a freak? I don't know – I never talk to anyone about it, but it has always silently bothered me. Gina says that I'm hard to love – maybe that's true. Maybe, I'm hard to love._

 _Anyways, enough rambling about myself. There goes my first diary entry, where I introduced myself a bit. A saying goes that paper is better than people, and I sincerely believe in that saying. I conclude my first diary entry today with the hope that this diary will become one of my best friends in the near future. Goodnight, Dear Diary._

Derek finished reading the first diary entry and slammed the notebook shut. Sighing, he kept the notebook aside and mulled over what he had just read. One thing that he had learnt by reading the diary was that the owner was a girl – a girl who was probably in her early twenties now. Derek didn't know why, but he immediately felt a connection to this girl by reading her diary. He felt sympathetic towards the girl because she had been so insecure about herself at the tender age of nine. Her mother hadn't wanted her, and her classmates had made fun of her due to her introverted nature, and Derek could relate to it himself. After all, he had lost his mother when he had been eight too, his father had grown distant ever since his mother's death and he had been a nerdy bookworm in his childhood – well, he was still a nerdy bookworm, but no one made fun of him anymore because of his good looks. But his school days – they had been horrible. He had been the skinny nerd with lots of acne and an afro, and his classmates used to make fun of him in every way possible. He still remembered his high school days vividly, and boy was he glad to have left those terrible days behind. High school had been no less than a nightmare for him.

This girl – this Diary Girl was a lot like him. They had so much in common, except the fact that she loved junk food and he was a health nut, inside out. She definitely had some serious abandonment issues like him, and she loved reading and writing. Hell, she even wanted to become a writer like he did. Derek didn't know why, but he felt so connected to this Diary Girl. It was like after 25 years, he had finally found his perfect match. Shaking his head, he smiled slightly as he dimmed the lights and pulled the covers over himself. He would definitely like to meet this Diary Girl one day – he had a feeling that they'd have a lot of stories to swap if they ever got the chance to meet.

Little did Derek Shepherd know that he had already met Diary Girl in real life.

* * *

 **A/N: There you go, an entire chapter from our Library Guy's perspective. This chapter revealed a lot about both Derek's and Meredith's lives. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I sure enjoyed writing it. And do tell me what you think about my original character, Tim. I took the inspiration for his character from a movie character, and if anyone can guess which movie character it is, I'll love him/her forever!**

 **I don't want to come across as a whining biatch, but reviews were a little down on last chapter. So, I urge all my readers to leave me a review if you're reading this. If you like this, then please leave a review, and if you dislike this, then leave a review too, telling me why you dislike my story. :)**

 **Please review and let me know what you think and when to update again!**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **mariemarie22 –** Thank you! I'm glad that you love it! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

 **RhizOneill –** Thanks a lot! I'm so happy that you love it! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **msnovelist –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad that you think so. I definitely plan to keep writing if people keep reading! :)

 **bhavyam1998 –** Thank you for your kind words! I think you got a little thing wrong – the chicken scrawl is Meredith's handwriting. But, that's okay. Susan is definitely not a character that you can like instantly. And books...Well, that's what the story is about, isn't it? Thanks for the review!

 **xtiannax –** Thank you! Glad you think so! More is on the way!

 **MsHGolightly –** Thanks so much for your sweet words! I'm glad you like the story so far! AUs are definitely my favourites too. Meredith's past will be revealed slowly in this fic, but it'll be fun, I promise! And Slexie – I liked them a lot, so I brought them back in my fic! Thanks!

 **MathiMth -** Thank you for your lovely review! It made my day! Glad you love this and enjoy my writing! More is on the way!

 **Patsy –** Thanks a lot! MerDer will get together...eventually ;) Susan is a character hard to like, I guess. But, I made her that way, so...Hope you liked this chapter, as it was entirely a dose of McDreamy, right from start to the end! And thank you, I did enjoy my vacation!

 **snv3 –** Thank you! Glad you're loving their interaction, because I'm surely enjoying writing it! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **Gina –** Thank you! Glad you think so! More is on the way!

 **Alexandra Caroline Sloan –** Thanks a lot! Glad you love it! Happily Ever After will be there eventually! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **Susan –** Thank you! Glad you love this Meredith, and believe me, there will be lots of interaction between her and Library Guy. Hope you liked this chapter! More is on the way!

 **Chloe –** Thank you so much! More is on the way!

 **Candace –** Thank you! More is on the way! Glad you think so!

 **Arlene –** Thanks a lot! Hope you liked chapter 4! I'm gratified that you think so!

 **ashmo2000 –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! Glad you loved it! You're right, Meredith is quite shy, but Library Guy can probably get her to open up a bit. Now, Lexie's story is different. She thinks that sex is all Mark wants, so she is willing to give him that without questioning, just because she wants to be with him. And Mark was the first one to suggest that they stay at home and make out instead of going out. So, it's only natural for Lexie to assume that the kissing is eventually going to lead to sex. Don't worry, we'll see Mark's side of the story quite soon. Thank you!

 **Sara –** Thank you so much for the review! I'll keep writing if people keep reading. More is on the way!

 **Guest #1 –** Thank you! Glad you think so. More is on the way!

 **Charlotte –** Thank you for the review! Glad you think so about my story! I wasn't able to update because I was on a vacation. Also, reviews are a big deal to me, because they're the only way I get to know whether my readers are enjoying this. Hope you understand. And do let me know what you think about this chapter!

 **Popcornkitten1 –** Thanks a lot for the lovely review! It brightened up my day! I'm extremely happy to hear that you love this story so much! And don't be scared to ask me questions – I'm always happy to interact with my readers. To answer your first question – no, I'm not British, but I'm a huge Anglophile and I did spend quite a few years of my childhood in London. So, I like writing in British English :) Your second question – thank you for pointing it out. I don't make my writing formal intentionally, it just happens. I've been told before that my writing is too formal, and believe me, I'm trying to rectify that. If you could point out a few specific instances where my writing has tended to become too formal, then I'd be forever grateful to you! I seriously need to work on it, and I'll be glad if you helped me out a bit. Thank you so much!

 **Carla –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you liked this chapter! Now you know what Derek's occupation is, and what his ambition is! :)

 **Guest #2 –** Thanks for the review! I posted chapter 4 last night, but I came back in the morning to see that for some reason, chapter 4 was not posted. So I edited it and am reposting it now, hope it works this time! Crossing my fingers! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

 **Gina –** Thanks for reading and reviewing! Yes, chapter 4 didn't post for some weird reason, but I'm reposting it with the hope that it'll work this time! Thanks!

 **Guest #3 –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! I did post chapter 4, I swear. But, it didn't show up, probably due to some site problems. I'm reposting it now; hope it works and you enjoy reading it! Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: First of all, so sorry for all the inconvenience, guys! I did post this chapter earlier, but due to some reason, it didn't show up on . I'm so sorry for all the confusion it caused, but don't worry, the problem is fixed now. No further inconveniences will occur. Now, here's chapter 5, the one you've all been waiting for!**

* * *

Night fell, and Meredith snuggled under the blankets in her bed as she reached for the small black notebook lying on her bedside table. It had been three weeks since she had lost her diary and come home with someone else's notebook and Meredith had finally overcome the guilt of reading someone else's personal diary. She had decided that it was highly improbable that she would ever meet the owner of the diary in real life, and so she had taken the liberty to read the diary in order to find out a bit about the diary's owner. She had been reading the diary every night before going to bed for four nights in a row now. It had become a nightly ritual for her to read one diary entry before going to bed.

So far, she had discovered that the diary owner was indeed a 'he,' and that his story was far more heart-rending than hers. The Diary Guy had lost his mother to cancer when he had been a child, and as the aftermath of his mother's death, his father had withdrawn himself from Diary Guy and his only sister, Ames. Since his mother's death, Diary Guy had taken the responsibility of himself and his sister on his young shoulders, and the diary entry about his mother's death had made Meredith cry. She had actually cried for a stranger, but how could she have not? It had been so heart-rending that Meredith had been unable to hold herself back. One thing that Meredith had noticed was – even though Diary Guy had every reason to be dark and twisty and emotionally damaged, he was none of those things. Except for the few diary entries following his mother's death, all the other diary entries so far had been nothing but positive and cheerful. Even though Diary Guy had every reason to be a pessimistic, depressed person full of negativity, he was a positive, optimistic person with a completely different outlook towards life. An outlook that seemed very new and fresh to Meredith. An outlook that Meredith wished she could have towards life too.

Opening the diary, Meredith flipped through the pages till she reached the diary entry where she had left off the previous night. Turning the page, she opened the next diary entry and started to read.

 _17_ _th_ _June, 1992_

 _7:30 p.m._

 _Today was Ames' birthday! I can't believe she is six years old already! It seems only like yesterday when she was born, and Mom had come home with a small bundle of blankets in her arms. Ames had been such a tiny thing back then, with tiny hands and a tiny face, and bright blue eyes. She had been so adorable – a cute baby. But now, as I look at her, I marvel at how grown-up she is. She's starting in kindergarten next week, and she looks like such a big girl now._

 _As usual, Dad was MIA the whole day, probably buried in paperwork. I think he didn't even remember that it was Ames' birthday today. Anyway, that didn't stop me from celebrating my baby sis' birthday and having a blast with her. We know how to celebrate in our own way by now._

 _I bought as many gifts as I could with my pocket money yesterday, and decorated Ames' bedroom with all the gifts in the morning before she woke up. It was a tradition that Mom had started when I was a child. She used to decorate my room with a lot of small presents before I woke up in the morning, so that I would open my eyes to a room full of presents. She did it till the last birthday of mine that she was there for, even though she was already too sick by then. I couldn't break her tradition. Mom would have wanted Ames to have the same kind of birthdays that I had, even though Mom is not here anymore. So, I decorated Ames' room with as many presents as I could buy, and then woke her up to wish her a happy birthday. Ames was so happy and delighted when she saw all the presents that I had got her – the look on her face was priceless. After that, I made breakfast – Ames' favourite obviously – chocolate chip pancakes with syrup._

 _Breakfast was over quicker than usual (Ames really does eat a lot faster when she has her favourite food in front of her) and then I showed Ames the actual gift that I had got for her – a bike. She was so happy; she had wanted a bike for about 6 months now. I spent the entire day teaching her how to ride a bike, and by the end of the day, she was a pro. We even had a little bike race in the afternoon, and I let Ames win deliberately, just because it was her birthday._

 _The day ended with a surprise birthday bash that I had planned for her. All her friends from preschool came to our house, and there was pizza and soda and chocolate cake for everyone. I got Ames' birthday cake from the best bakery in our neighbourhood, and we all had a ball during the party._

 _After the party was over, I finally put an exhausted Ames to bed, but before I left her bedroom, she told me that it was the best birthday she had ever had. I can't express in words how gratified I was when I heard that. I can do anything for my sister's happiness._

 _Anyway, now I'm off to cleaning all the mess that the bunch of preschoolers created during the party, but I'm not complaining. This was a really small price to pay for my baby sis' happiness. Later, Diary :)_

Meredith snapped the notebook shut with a small smile playing on her lips. One thing was clear – Diary Guy loved his sister a lot. From the sounds of it, he was a family man – one who would stick with his family no matter what. Meredith had always thought that guys didn't respect family bonds as much as girls did, but she was wrong. Diary Guy had proved her wrong. And as Meredith placed the diary back on her night table and slid under the covers, she felt something. She felt...a warm feeling surge through her entire body, right from her head to her toes. It was outré and bizarre. Meredith had never experienced anything like it before. She had no idea what the heck the warm feeling was, but Meredith Grey liked the feel of it as she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

* * *

Derek walked down the familiar path as he made his way to the Seattle Public Library. He hadn't got the chance to visit it the whole week due to back to back shifts at the hospice, so he was eager to step foot inside the library – his safe haven. He was always eager to go to the library, but nowadays, his eagerness was due to a slightly different reason. Not that he didn't love books anymore, because he did. He still loved books to death, but there was also another reason for his keenness to visit the library now. His Library Girl.

Derek smiled a little to himself as he thought of seeing Library Girl again. Maybe, he could ask for her name today, he mused. Entering the library, his eyes automatically turned to the Library Assistant's desk, but what he saw caused his eyes to widen with surprise and made him forgot all about his plans of asking her name.

Library Girl was sitting there, alright. Her dark-blonde tresses were loose today, falling in gentle waves on her shoulders and a few wisps of hair were falling in her beautiful face. She was wearing a bottle green sweater, one that probably brought out the colour of her eyes. But, her eyes – that was what caused Derek's blue orbs to widen. Tears were rolling out of her eyes and down her cheeks as she sat behind the desk crabwise. He could hear her soft sniffles even from the distance, and his chest automatically tightened. Why was she crying? What could possibly be wrong? Derek's mind was immediately filled with questions as he walked towards Library Girl's desk in long strides. He needed to get to her and ask her what was wrong; he needed to be close to her...he needed to comfort her. Derek just needed to be close to Library Girl, and the few metres between them were killing him.

Reaching the desk, he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. How was he going to call her? He didn't even know her name. She was looking downwards and didn't look like she had noticed his presence in any way. How was he going to get her attention and ask her what was wrong? Shit. It was a shortcoming that Derek had never even thought of. Lacking a better idea, Derek decided to clear his throat in order to make his presence known.

"Uh...Ahem..." Derek cleared his throat awkwardly, hoping that it would be enough to grab Library Girl's attention.

Thankfully, it was. Library Girl immediately looked up and locked eyes with him, her pupils dilated with surprise. Derek noticed how moist her eyes were, how wet her long eyelashes were, and the faint pink tinge in the tip of her little nose didn't go unnoticed by him either. God, how could someone manage to look beautiful even while crying?

"You – I..." Library Girl stammered, quickly raising her hands to wipe her cheeks self-consciously.

"I don't mean to intrude, but...Are you okay?" Derek asked, his eyes softening as he gazed at her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she replied, rubbing her eyes with her palms.

"Well, you don't look fine," Derek remarked and mentally chided himself at how snippy that sounded. "I mean," he said, "I know we barely know each other, but if anything's wrong...You can...tell me. I'm a very good listener."

To Derek's utmost surprise, Library Girl laughed in response. She laughed that melodious laugh of hers, and while Derek welcomed the sound of her laugh that he had missed so much over the last week, he couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows and look at her like she had grown two heads.

She, however, continued to giggle as she noticed the look on Derek's face. Still giggling, she reached for something under the desktop and pulled out a book from one of the drawers.

"I was crying because of _this,_ " she said, a smile playing on her lips. "This book. I was reading it, and there was a part that made me cry," she stated simply, shrugging her shoulders.

Derek's mouth rounded and a blush crept up on his face. She had been crying because of a book, and he had jumped on her like...God, what must she be thinking about him?

"It's ok," Library Girl said with a soft smile, as if she had heard his thoughts. "Anyone who looked at me from the other side of the desk would have thought that I was crying for some serious reason..."

"Hmm..." Derek smiled back at her and said, "So, what book were you reading that made you cry? 'Cause I wanna read it too. I don't remember the last time I read a book and cried."

Library Girl wiped the remnants of the tears from her cheeks and said, "Well, I'm reading it now, so you can't read it. But once I finish, you can have it."

"Isn't it rude to turn down readers like that?" Derek asked, quirking his eyebrow playfully. "I don't think you're supposed to be doing that while you're at work."

He noticed as her eyes widened with horror, and he immediately tacked on, "I was joking. I'm ok with waiting till you're finished reading it." He gave her a wide grin to reassure her that he was indeed joking.

"Oh," she said with a relieved sigh as she shifted in her chair. "That's...I thought that...But, I guess it is kinda rude to keep you waiting like that," she said as she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. "How about, I myself pick out a book for you to read today? As compensation?" she asked, the corners of her lips twitching.

Derek's heart jumped a little in his chest as he let his eyes linger on her face for a fraction of a second before replying, "That works wonderfully."

She laughed as she got up from her chair and came out. Derek noticed the black faded jeans that she was wearing with her sweater as she moved out from behind her desk. The jeans fit her well, they fit her really well.

"Shall we go?" she asked as she already started walking towards the shelves.

"Yeah, of course," Derek said as he followed suit.

Derek watched as she moved from shelf to shelf, tapping her fingers gently against the spines of the books as she walked. Her eyebrows were knitted together, her nose was scrunched up in the most adorable way, and her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she contemplated on which book she should pick out for him. As she concentrated on the books, Derek was contently concentrating on her.

He took in the way her hips swayed gently as she walked, and his eyes raked over her toned, shapely legs, something he hadn't got the chance to admire before. She mostly stayed behind her desk, how would he get the chance to admire her legs?

"Aha!" she suddenly exclaimed, starting Derek out of his stupor. His eyes snapped up to see that she had stopped walking, and was trying to pull out a book from the topmost shelf.

"Have you read Dan Brown's 'Angels and Demons?'" she asked as she stood on her tiptoes to pull the book out.

"No, I haven't. I only read 'The Da Vinci Code,'" Derek replied as he immediately walked closer to her. "Move, let me pull it out," Derek said as he motioned her to move over without touching her.

"No, I can get it," she replied adamantly as she continued her efforts of pulling the book out of the shelf with both her hands.

"I'm taller than you, I can get it easily," Derek argued, as he had the sudden urge to grab her waist and move her out of the way himself. It seemed to be the only way, since she was so stubborn.

She stopped her efforts momentarily and turned her face to give him a pointed look. Derek immediately forgot his urge to grab her waist and backed away a little. He had no idea that a look from her could be so scary. She didn't come across as the scary type.

Library Girl turned her attention back to the task at hand, and Derek leaned against the bookshelf as he watched her with an amused expression. She was so stubborn – he had no idea that she could be so stubborn. But, if anything, this newly discovered quality of hers only endeared her a little more to him.

As she stood on her tiptoes with both her arms raised above her head, Derek's eyes alighted on her waist. Her bottle green sweater had ridden up a little due to the movement of her hands, exposing an inch of the smooth, pale, creamy skin of her lower back. Derek's cerulean eyes took in the exposed inch of creamy skin and he gulped. He had guessed from her peaches and cream complexion that her skin was probably very downy and smooth, but seeing her skin in front of his eyes...He hadn't even prepared himself for that and he gulped again as he resisted the urge to reach out and touch her smooth enticing skin.

"Got it!" Library Girl exclaimed loudly, causing Derek's eyes to snap up from her waist. His eyes locked on hers as he saw that she had successfully pulled out the book from the shelf, and was now staring at him with surprised eyes.

Shit. She had caught him staring.

"Uh – I – that's great," Derek said lamely as he watched her tug on the hem of her sweater self-consciously. God, she was probably thinking that he was a lecher!

"Um – sorry," she said, causing Derek's eyes to dilate with shock. He was the one who should be apologizing for staring at her like that, but then, why was she saying sorry?

"Why?" Derek asked bluntly.

"For...for glaring at you like that. I know that you were being a gentleman and trying to help, but I really dislike it when...you know, men suggest that they can do something easily and I can't. I just...I know it sounds very feminist, but I feel very emasculated when guys do that," she rambled, causing the heavy tension in the air to dissipate.

"Oh," Derek said, his respect for her increasing a little, "I – I didn't want to emasculate you or make you feel like you couldn't do it because you're a girl...I was just... trying to help. I'm sorry."He wondered if he should say sorry for gawking at her too.

However, Library Girl rewarded him with one of her light-up-the-entire-room-in-a-minute smile and said, "I got that. It's ok. Let's just pretend that this never happened, okay?"

Derek nodded his head and mirrored her smile as he tried to ascertain whether she was referring to his staring too while saying that.

"Okay, so...here's your book," she said as she held out the book to Derek, and he took it from her gently. "Oh, and, you can have the book that I'm reading after an hour," she tacked on with a smile as she started walking back towards her desk.

"Wait, no, you don't have to do that – "Derek started to say, but he was cut off when she stopped walking and turned around to face him.

"No, I'm not _doing_ that," she said with a giggle. "I'm leaving early today, in about an hour, that's why you can have the book," she stated.

"Oh," Derek said, his face falling. She was going to be there only for an hour? He didn't get to see her for an entire week, and now, he gets to see her only for an hour? That was so not fair. "Um – Can I ask why?" he said nervously, hoping that she didn't take it the wrong way. They had never talked about anything personal thus far, and why she had to leave early that day probably fell in the category of 'personal stuff.' Yet, Derek couldn't hold himself back from asking her.

To Derek's relief, she didn't look affronted in the least bit. Instead, she gave him a small smile as she replied, "Do you have any siblings?"

Derek nodded as he said, "Yeah, one sister."

Library Girl grinned at him and said, "Wow, what a coincidence! I've only one sister too. And...I've to leave early today because she has some important stuff to talk about. You get it, right?"

Derek raised his eyebrows in realization as he replied, "Oh, I do get it."

Library Girl gave him a small laugh as she turned around and started walking away, her hips swaying gently yet enticingly.

"Hope you have fun," Derek called out to her and she turned around to look back at him with a small smile.

"Thanks, I will. Enjoy your book," she rejoined as she walked back to her desk and seated herself behind it.

Derek locked eyes with her from across the room and his lips curved upwards into a lopsided grin. "I will," he murmured to himself as he sighed and made his way to his usual table – the one from which he had a clear view of his Library Girl.

* * *

"Lex, I'm home!" Meredith called out to her sister as she slammed the front door shut and shucked her overcoat. It was afternoon, and Meredith had come home from the Library early, just like she had promised Lexie.

Minutes later, Lexie came plodding down the stairs and greeted Meredith with a smile. "Hey, Mer!" she said as Meredith plopped down on the large couch in the living room. "How was your day?" Lexie asked as she plopped down beside Meredith.

"Good. It was good. So, why did you ask me to come home early?" Meredith queried as she rolled up the sleeves of her shirt.

"That...You've to come to my bedroom in order to find out," Lexie said, getting up.

Meredith furrowed her brows and asked quizzically, "Why? Why can't you tell me here?"

"Because...Mer, let's just go to my room. We'll have more privacy there," Lexie said cajolingly as she caught Meredith's arm and tugged on it.

"Fine," Meredith conceded and got up. She followed Lexie up the stairs and inside her bedroom.

"So..." Meredith said as she and Lexie entered Lexie's bedroom and Lexie shut the door, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Lexie turned around and faced Meredith with a smile playing on her lips. "You," Lexie said, "are going on a date."

Meredith's face froze for a nanosecond, before she closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. "Lex, please, I'm not in the mood for jokes..." Meredith said as she walked over to Lexie's bed and sat down on the edge.

Lexie smiled at Meredith as she went and stood in front of her elder sister. With her hands on her hips, Lexie said, "I'm not joking. You – are going on a date."

Meredith's eyes snapped open to meet her sister's chocolate brown ones. Meredith stayed mute for a minute before she opened her mouth and said, "What?!"

"There's no reason to be so shocked. I and Dad worked together to arrange a date for you," Lexie said as she moved away from the bed and walked towards her closet.

"Lex, are you crazy?!" Meredith asked as she got up from the bed and stared at her sister with wide eyes. "You and Dad set me up for a date? A blind date, no less?"

"Yes, we did, so deal with it, Mer," Lexie's voice came from the interior of the walk-in closet. A few minutes later, Lexie emerged out of the closet with a brand new black cocktail dress in her hands. "His name's Finn Dandridge. He's the son of one of Dad's friends," Lexie said as she held the cocktail dress in front of Meredith and gave her a small smirk.

Meredith opened and closed her mouth a few times, at a loss for words. "Finn what?!" she managed to fumble out after a few minutes.

"Dandridge," Lexie said as she held out the dress to Meredith. "He's a nice guy. Sweet, funny, friendly. You'll like him."

Meredith raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "Oh no no no. This is not happening. I'm not going out on a date with some random stranger just because you and Dad took the liberty to set me up on a date. No, that's not happening. And how come you know that this Finn guy is nice?"

"I've met him," Lexie said with a nonchalant shrug. "He's nice, believe me. If I wasn't already in a relationship, I'd totally date him. He's good looking too," Lexie tacked on with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"No!" Meredith blurted out. "I – this – I'm not doing this! I'm not going on a date with a stranger! I don't want to go on a date with some stranger. Lex, you know how I am around guys. I – I get nervous, and I fidget and ramble and stammer...and ugh! I'm a complete mess around guys! You know that! Dad knows it! Why did you two set me up on a date then?" Meredith asked incredulously as she began pacing the room.

"Mer," Lexie said softly, "I know that...you get uncomfortable around guys, but you need this. You're 22, Mer. And you haven't had a single boyfriend yet. And you're not a lesbian – I know that. You – you need to go out a bit, associate with guys. With time you'll get over this nervousness of yours. But for that, you need to be around guys a bit. And Finn is a really nice guy."

Meredith looked at Lexie in shock. She hadn't told Lexie about Library Guy yet, but she wanted to at the moment. She wanted to tell Lexie that around Library Guy, she was not uncomfortable like she was around the other guys. She wanted to tell Lexie that there was something about Library Guy that immediately put her at ease. She wanted to tell Lexie that she got along just fine with Library Guy – heck, she even flirted with him sometimes. She wanted to tell Lexie all that, but she found herself tongue-tied.

"Mer, please. Dad and I'll be really happy if you do this. Do it for us, and I promise you, you won't regret it," Lexie said with a puppy dog look on her face.

"Lex, I..." Meredith trailed off, unable to formulate a response. She didn't want to go on a date with some stranger named Finn. But, she rarely said no to her sister, plus her sister was giving her the infamous puppy dog look. "Where is this Finn guy even taking me? And why do I need to wear this...this weirdly sophisticated...thing?" Meredith finally said as she gestured towards the cocktail dress in Lexie's hands.

Lexie laughed. "This thing," Lexie said, "is also called a cocktail dress. And Finn hasn't told us where he's taking you. He wants to surprise you. See, already one point for him. He just told us to dress you up in something formal."

"I hate surprises," Meredith muttered under her breath. "Lex, how can you and Dad trust this Finn guy? How well does Dad know him? What if this Finn guy is a rapist...or, or a serial killer?" Meredith pointed out.

Lexie chuckled. "Mer, do you really think that I and Dad would set you up on a date with a rapist or a serial killer? Dad has known Finn's father for years. They're fast friends. I can guarantee you that Finn is not a rapist or a psychopath."

Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She sighed heavily as she finally murmured, "Can I talk to Dad about this once, please? I just...this is so not my thing, Lex."

Lexie nodded her head understandingly as she came forward and wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulders. "Dad is still at work. I know you're scared, Mer. But, you've got nothing to be scared of. You can trust Finn as much as you trust me and Dad. And who knows? Maybe you'll really fall for Finn and get married to him someday..."Lexie said with a smile.

Meredith rolled her eyes in response. "Right. Please, Lex. I may have never dated before, but I don't think I'm ever gonna fall for a guy named Finn. And let's not even get to marriage. I'm just going out on one date with him, that too because you're practically coercing me to," Meredith murmured as she snatched the cocktail dress out of Lexie's hands and stared at it in blithe disgust.

"Fine," Lexie said with a titter as she pushed Meredith towards the bathroom. "Now, go and change fast. Then, we have to do your hair and makeup too."

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Meredith muttered as she walked towards the bathroom. "I can't believe that I'm even going to wear this stupid dress and go out on a blind date that my Dad and sister set up. I – this is unbelievable."

"All good things seem surreal," Lexie remarked with a laugh as she pushed Meredith inside the bathroom. "I promise, you're going to have fun tonight."

Meredith sighed as she looked at her sister and said, "I don't know about fun, but this is seriously unbelievable." And with that, Meredith shut the bathroom door and moved to change into the cocktail dress, unaware of what the night had in store for her.

* * *

 **A/N: Uh oh. Small cliff...Mer is going out on a date with Finn. How will her date with Finn go? What if she really likes Finn? Guess away about what you think; I'm always open to suggestions.**

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 **DarkAndTwistyGrey –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! Glad you think so! Hope you liked this chapter!

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 **Darlene –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I'm extremely happy that you love this story! Now, MerDer going to dinner...Hmmm...I can't exactly comment on that now, as it'll spoil all the fun! You'll find out soon though...Hope you liked this chapter! :)

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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi everyone! I know that y'all have been waiting for this chapter patiently, but college was driving me crazy! Anyway, here's the next instalment and this is an important one for several reasons. This is a long one too, to make up for the delay. Without further ado, I give you chapter 6 of BL...**

* * *

Meredith's heels clicked annoyingly loud as she made her way down the driveway of her house. Her head was buzzing and her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as she played the events of the night in her mind. Reaching the front porch of her house, she pushed the door open and walked inside, letting out a relieved sigh on finally being in her safe haven – her home.

"Hey, Mer! How was your date with Finn?" a voice asked, startling Meredith out of her thoughts. She spun around to find her dad sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in his hands.

"Dad!" Meredith exclaimed with a huff. She walked over to him, staggering a little on her high heels and stood in front of her father with her hands on her hips. "Never," she said in a gruff voice, "never ever set me up on a blind date again."

Thatcher looked up at her with a nonplussed expression on his face. "Why?" he asked. "You didn't like Finn? He's a nice boy..."

"Oh, I'm sure that he's pretty nice, alright," Meredith said as she plopped down on the couch beside her father.

"Then? What's the problem? The date didn't go well?"

Meredith let out a sarcastic laugh. "Well? The date was horrible! And don't even get me started on any specifics," Meredith said. "What were you thinking anyway? I and Finn have absolutely nothing in common!"

Thatcher opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it when Meredith cut him a look. His daughter was in a foul mood, and it was better not to provoke her when she was so mad.

"Do you want coffee?" Thatcher asked after a few minutes. "Susan is making coffee for all of us."

"Yeah, I think coffee will make me feel better right now," Meredith said, standing up. "I'll go and get some coffee. Then I'll see Mom. Is Mom still awake?"

Thatcher nodded his head and Meredith made her way to the kitchen where Susan was making coffee for everyone.

"Hey, Susan," Meredith said as she slowly walked over to her stepmother.

"Meredith," Susan said with a nod, barely acknowledging Meredith's presence. She took the carafe and started pouring coffee in the mugs, pretending as if Meredith was not even there.

"I just came to get some coffee for myself," Meredith said as she stood beside Susan. "Um – I can take Mom's coffee to her room too. I'm gonna go to her room to see her anyway," Meredith offered, fiddling with her wrist watch.

"Okay," Susan said tersely as she placed two mugs of coffee on a tray and held it out to Meredith. Meredith took the tray from Susan's hands and started to walk out of the kitchen when Susan's voice cut through the silence.

"How did your date with Finn go?" Susan asked, her back still turned to Meredith.

Meredith whirled around, her eyebrows shooting up. It was one of those very rare occasions when Susan expressed any kind of concern for Meredith or her personal life. Most of the time, Susan didn't even have the time to exchange pleasantries with Meredith, let alone ask her about her personal life.

"I – um –"Meredith stammered, fumbling for the right words to say. "Not very well," Meredith finally managed to utter.

Susan turned around, drying her hands with the dish towel. "Why? Finn is a nice guy," Susan said with a frown.

"Uh...I just...he's not really my type."

Susan's eyebrows shot up, as if she was supremely astonished. "Not your type? Meredith, you haven't dated a single guy in your life. How could you have a type?" Susan asked rhetorically with a sneer.

Meredith didn't know why, but she immediately looked down at her feet. Susan was right – how could Meredith have a type when she hadn't been with a single guy in her life? She didn't have an answer for Susan's question, so she just kept mum.

"If you keep going like this, you're gonna end up unmarried and jobless at 40," Susan said disdainfully. "And your dad and I would still be bearing your expenses."

Tears pricked Meredith's eyelids on hearing Susan's words, but Meredith didn't have it in herself to answer back. What could she possibly say in reply to Susan's acerbic words? She had no answer for her stepmother, so she squeezed her eyes shut to push back the tears and slowly walked out of the kitchen.

Entering her mother's room, Meredith saw that Ellis' in-home nurse, Katie was trying to persuade Ellis to take her meds. Meredith walked over to the duo and set the tray down on the bedside table.

"Katie, give me the meds – I'll give it to Mom," Meredith said to Katie, outstretching her hand to take the medicines from the nurse.

"Alright, Meredith. I've been trying to persuade Dr. Grey to take her pills for ten whole minutes now, but she just won't listen to me," Katie said in a touch frustrated voice.

"It's okay, give them to me. And give us a minute, please," Meredith said, taking the medicines from Katie. Katie nodded and left the room.

"Hey, Mom. How are you?" Meredith said to Ellis with a small smile on her face. She took the medicines and started mixing them in her mother's coffee.

"Mom?" Ellis asked with a puzzled expression. "Why are you calling me Mom?"

"I'm Meredith," Meredith said, stirring the spoon in her mother's coffee. Ellis had Alzheimer's, and it was definitely not one of her lucid days.

"Meredith?" Ellis asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "You can't be my daughter Meredith. She is five years old and lives in Seattle with her dad. You are not my daughter," Ellis said in a definitive voice.

Meredith didn't say anything in response. She knew it was no use trying to remind Ellis. She just smiled and handed the coffee to Ellis.

Ellis accepted the coffee from Meredith and said, "I gave up all my parental rights when I got divorced. I couldn't raise a child on my own. I'm a surgeon – I have my career to think about. Raising a child would have been a huge burden and would have got in the way of my career. No, I am better off without my daughter."

Meredith had to blink a few times in order to push back the tears. She knew why her mother had given it up, but her mom saying it to her face was a lot more difficult.

"By the way, what do you do, Meredith?" Ellis asked, sipping her coffee.

"I – uh – I work at a library. And I want to be a writer," Meredith replied awkwardly, wishing that she could leave the room already. Coming to see her mother had definitely not been a good decision.

"A writer, poo!" Ellis said, disdain lacing her voice. "Writing is a hobby, not a job. And not everyone can become a writer," Ellis said shaking her head. "You should be a surgeon, you have good hands. Long, thin fingers – perfect for precision and dexterity," Ellis advised, looking at Meredith's hands.

Meredith had to bite the inside of her cheek in order to stop herself from saying anything. Why was her day going so badly? First the date from hell with Finn, then Susan, now her mother. Why was everyone picking on her that day?

"Um – I'm gonna go now, Dr. Grey. Have a good night," Meredith murmured and walked out of her mother's room quickly. She ran into Katie outside the room, who took notice of her glassy eyes and asked her if she was okay.

"Yes. I'm perfectly fine," Meredith lied and dashed upstairs to her bedroom. She plopped down on her bed and took off her high heels as tears flowed down her cheeks. No one thought that she had it in her to become a writer – no one except her sister and her dad. Was Susan right? Was she really gonna end up jobless and unmarried at 40? Meredith sniffled as she massaged her feet which had swollen a bit due to the painful heels.

"Mer!" a voice exclaimed from the doorway. "I didn't know that you were back! How was your date?"

Meredith looked up to see her sister standing in the doorway. Meredith quickly raised her hands to wipe her cheeks, but Lexie had already noticed.

"Mer, why are you crying?" Lexie said in an urgent voice as she quickly walked over to her sister and sat down beside her. She wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulders and asked in a soft voice, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Nothing, Lex, nothing," Meredith lied as she wiped her cheeks.

"Don't lie to me, Mer," Lexie said in a stern voice. "You wouldn't be crying if it was nothing. What's wrong? Tell me."

Meredith looked up at her sister's face and sighed. Times like these made Meredith miss her diary. Because, no matter what, Susan was Lexie's mother, and Meredith couldn't complain to Lexie about her mom. She knew that Lexie would stand up for her to Susan in a minute, but Meredith didn't want to be the cause of tension between mother and daughter.

"I – nothing. It's stupid...My date with Finn was horrible, that's all."

"Why? What happened?" Lexie asked gently.

"He – he took me to an art gala, Lex! An art gala! I know absolutely nothing about art and I felt like a fool, standing there while people talked about stuff that I have no idea about. I couldn't even tell the difference between a Picasso and a Leonardo Da Vinci! It was so humiliating and boring," Meredith rambled on.

"What? He took you to an art gala as way of a date? Who does that?" Lexie asked in a shocked voice.

"I don't know," Meredith said, "But that's not even the worse part. We were sitting at a table, and I was fidgeting because I get nervous around guys, you know? And I accidentally knocked down his wine glass and spilled the wine on his lap! On his lap, Lexie! And as if that wasn't enough, I got so flustered and embarrassed that I grabbed a napkin and tried to help him clean it up. So, before I knew, I was dabbing a napkin on his thigh, like an utter moron! Can you believe my stupidity?"

"Oh, Mer," Lexie said softly with a sympathetic look on her face. "I – that's – it's not that bad," Lexie said, feebly attempting to comfort her sister.

Meredith laughed sarcastically. "Please, Lex, don't sugar-coat things for me; I'm not five. I get how bad it is, ok? And you wanna know what's next? We barely exchanged two words during the entire night. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and we had nothing in common. And you and Dad were not wrong when you said that Finn was a nice guy. He is, he really is, because even after the supremely horrible date, he – he...when he came to drop me home, he leant towards me to kiss me goodnight! Right outside our house! And you wanna know what I did? I flinched! I flinched like he was trying to stab me or something and left without saying goodbye. So, yes, I think we can conclude that the date was horrible," Meredith finished her monologue, her chest heaving.

"Mer," Lexie said, rubbing Meredith's shoulder sympathetically. "It's okay, it's alright. So what your date with Finn went badly? It happens to all of us. Maybe, he was not right for you. You'll find the right guy one day, I promise. You just have to keep looking," Lexie said firmly.

Meredith sniffled a little, and for some weird reason, Library Guy's face came to her mind. She barely knew him, yet she was so at ease when she was around him – not at all like what she was around other guys. Meredith suddenly had an irresistible urge to tell Lexie about her crush on Library Guy. Susan's earlier words rang in her head and she knew she had to tell Lexie anyway lest she end up going on more awful blind dates with guys like Finn.

"Lex," Meredith started to say, "I – I have to tell you something."

"Yeah, go on. I'm listening," Lexie said.

"I –uh – I," Meredith stuttered, searching for the right words. "I have a crush on someone," Meredith blurted out, waiting for Lexie's reaction.

There was silence for a nanosecond, before Lexie's loud squeal filled the room. "Ahhh! What?! You have a crush on someone?! Oh my God, that's so awesome, Mer! Who is he? What's his name? What does he do? Where did you meet him? Do I know him? What's he look like? Tell me all the deets!" Lexie said, all but jumping up and down with barely contained excitement.

"Lexie, shhh..." Meredith hushed her sister. It was one of the reasons she hadn't told her sister about Library Guy for so long. She knew her sister would go crazy with excitement if she heard. "Take a deep breath, and don't fire all questions at me at once!"

"Oops, sorry," Lexie said with a sheepish grin. "I'm just so...excited and happy for you! Wow, Mer! So, tell me," Lexie prodded.

"Um – you don't know him," Meredith said, thinking how she herself barely knew him. "And...I don't know his name or what he does...He is...Library Guy," Meredith said simply, causing Lexie to furrow her eyebrows.

"Library Guy?" Lexie asked quizzically. "Who is that? And how come you don't know his name? You have a crush on him, right?"

"Yes, Library Guy. A guy I met at the library. A guy I see on a weekly basis at the library. We talk, sometimes, but we haven't really got around to exchanging names or personal details. We mostly talk about books," Meredith explained.

"Oh," Lexie said. "So...What's he look like?"

"Good. Really really good. Very gorgeous and very, very dreamy. He has this head full of the most perfect ebony curls in the world, and his eyes, God, his eyes are midnight-blue, like the ocean. You could look into them and just...drown in them. And his smile...You could look at him all day and not get tired," Meredith said, a tiny smile forming on her lips. "And he loves books! He's a bookworm, just like me. We exchange book recommendations all the time, and he even flirts with me sometimes, I think...And the best part, I'm not a total klutz around him like I usually am around guys. Something about him just...just puts me at ease instantly and totally...Yeah..."

Lexie smiled as watched her sister's eyes light up. Whoever this Library Guy was, he had to be extremely perfect to have Meredith whipped like that. Lexie had never seen her sister so happy while talking about a guy before.

"Wow, you are so into him, aren't you?" Lexie asked with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess I am..."

"Then ask him out," Lexie suggested simply.

The smile immediately fell from Meredith's face and a look of sheer horror replaced it. Her mouth fell agape as she stared at her sister, wide-eyed for a minute before stuttering out, "Wh – you – What?!"

"Ask him out," Lexie repeated. "Ask him out for coffee."

Meredith blinked a few times, looking at her sister like she had grown two heads. Then, all of a sudden, Meredith burst out into laughter.

Lexie gave Meredith a bemused look as she watched Meredith laugh loudly. "What? What's so funny?"

Meredith laughed and said, "You are kidding, right? That was – that was a good joke. Nice, Lex, you totally got me."

"But, I was not joking, Mer. I'm serious. Ask your Library Guy out," Lexie said firmly, causing Meredith's laughter to cease.

"What?! You are serious?" Meredith said in a horrified voice. "You can't possibly be serious, Lexie."

"Why not?"

Meredith stood up and looked down at her sister in shock. "Because..." Meredith said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Because?" Lexie probed, standing up to look Meredith in the eye.

"Because...Lex...I – you know – I can't – how can you – I can't ask him out!" Meredith stammered.

"Why not? You just said that you have a crush on him. I've never seen you so excited while talking about a guy. You admitted that you're totally into him. Then, what's the problem? 'Cause I don't see it."

"The problem is..." Meredith said in a high-pitched voice, "The problem is that he might not be into me! And that I can't ask a guy out!"

"You just said that he flirts with you. That normally means that he is into you too," Lexie pointed out.

"No!" Meredith cried. "I said I think he flirts with me. There's a difference, Lexie. It may all be in my head, for all you know. I – I can't ask him out. That's impossible," Meredith said, shaking her head.

"Meredith," Lexie said, "It's not in your head. And how will you ever find out whether he likes you back if you never ask him about it? You've gotta put your feelings out there in order to know his true feelings."

"No, that's – no," Meredith said in a stern voice. "I'm – I'm not doing it. And you can't make me. What if he rejects me? Do you know how humiliating and mortifying that will be?"

"Meredith –"

"No, Lexie. And you have no room to talk, you know. You are not some kind of relationship advisor."

"Well, I certainly have more experience than you," Lexie said in a frustrated voice.

Meredith gasped in shock. "How could you? You – I – I can't believe - Says the girl who doesn't even have the guts to tell Mark that she's in love with him!" Meredith retorted.

It was Lexie's turn to gasp. "Mer! You have no right to – that's not fair! Our situations are totally different!" Lexie cried.

"And how so, Lex? You just advised me that I have to put my feelings out there in order to find out Library Guy's true feelings. Doesn't it apply to your situation too? How will you ever find out whether Mark's in love with you too if you never tell him that you are in love with him? Can't you follow what you preach?"

"That's not – That's so unfair!" Lexie said. "You can't say that!"

"Why not? It's the truth."

Lexie took in a deep breath. She knew that it was quickly turning into a fight, and she could never get Meredith to agree to ask Library Guy out if she let Meredith win. Lexie had to think and act fast – for Meredith's happiness.

Taking in another deep breath, Lexie steeled herself for what she was about to say. "Fine. Fine, Mer. I'll tell Mark that I'm in love with him if you tell Library Guy that you like him. Deal?" Lexie asked, waiting for her sister's response.

Lexie watched as a myriad of emotions flitted across her sister's face – shock, hesitance, doubt, fear. But, Lexie knew that it was the only way that she could ever get Meredith to agree. And Lexie was willing to risk her own heart for her sister's sake.

Finally, after what seemed like an hour, Meredith's face filled with determination as she said, "Fine. Deal. You tell Mark that you love him, and I'll ask Library Guy out."

"Fine. We'll both do it by the end of this week, ok?" Lexie asked.

"I – but – ugh! Okay," Meredith mumbled out.

"Good. Wanna hug on it?" Lexie asked, causing Meredith to crack a smile.

"Come here, you little devil," Meredith said, enveloping her younger sister in a warm hug. Lexie drove her nuts sometimes, but she still loved her sister to death. "I'm sorry for how I – what I said to you. I was mean...Sorry."

"I am sorry too. I was mean to you first. It's alright. We are sisters. Sisters fight, otherwise it'd turn weird, right?"

"Right," Meredith said, hugging her sister and psyching herself up for whatever terrible things were about to come her way.

* * *

"So..." Lexie said to Meredith by the end of the week. It was night time and both the sisters were huddled in Meredith's bedroom.

"So..." Meredith echoed her sister.

"Did you ask Library Guy out?"

"Did you tell Mark that you love him?" The two sisters blurted out at the same time and then stared at each other like they had seen a ghost.

"I – uh – I asked you first. You go first," Lexie said.

"No! Technically, we both asked each other at the same time, and since you're the youngest, you go first," Meredith rejoined.

"No. Don't take advantage of me being the youngest. You go first – you are the eldest," Lexie said.

"No, you."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"Ahhhh! This way, neither of us will ever go first," Meredith exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "Let's toss a coin. Whoever wins goes first," Meredith said, reaching for her purse.

"Fine," Lexie agreed.

Meredith took out a coin and tossed it in the air. The coin flipped in the air before dropping downwards, and Meredith immediately caught it in her hand and covered the coin. "Heads or tails?" she asked Lexie.

"Heads," Lexie replied quickly but immediately added, "No no no, tails. No, heads. No, tails. Wait –"

"Lex," Meredith said in a calm voice, "Pick any one and stick with it. Heads or tails?"

"Fine, tails," Lexie said and Meredith uncovered the coin.

"Yay!" Meredith squealed as the twosome stared down at the coin. "You won. So now, tell me, did you tell Mark?"

Lexie groaned in frustration. "Ugh, why does it always have to be me? I – no...I didn't tell Mark..." Lexie trailed off.

"What? Why? I thought we had a deal!" Meredith said, visibly upset.

"I know, I know," Lexie muttered as she started pacing the room. "And believe me, I prepared myself. I had this whole speech ready about how much I love him and how I think that he's the one, but I couldn't do it. I chickened out at the last minute, and then he started kissing me and then –"

"Stop!" Meredith said, covering her ears with her hands. "I don't need to hear about what happened next. You are my baby sister and I don't need to hear the details of you doing the nasty nasty with your boyfriend."

"Oh, okay."

"Lex, why didn't you tell him? We had a deal, remember? It's high time you revealed your true feelings to Mark and find out whether he reciprocates your feelings! You are such a chicken!" Meredith reprimanded her sister a little too harshly. She didn't want to be hard on Lexie, but she knew about Mark's womanizing ways and didn't want to see her sister being used or getting hurt.

"Hey! You've got no room to call me a chicken, alright? Did you ask Library Guy out, huh?" Lexie bit back, placing her hands on her hips.

"I – um – I – uh – I d..I did," Meredith said, averting her eyes.

"Oh really? What did he say?"

"Uh – um...He said no," Meredith replied in a feeble voice.

"Liar!" Lexie cried out with a triumphant look on her face. "You didn't even ask him! I knew it the minute you averted your eyes."

"Lexie..." Meredith groaned at how well her little sister knew her. "How do you always catch me when I am lying?"

"Because I know that you are too much of a chicken," Lexie said, rolling her eyes.

"You're a chicken," Meredith retorted.

"Chicken."

"That's you."

"Fine, we are both chickens, okay?" Lexie conceded. "We are...We are the Grey chickens."

"We are," Meredith agreed with a nod. "This was obviously a stupid idea. Neither of us has the actual courage to do it. Let's forget about this deal, okay?"

"No!" Lexie cried out. "No no no. I admit that we both are huge chickens, but we'll get to it. We are Greys, we can do it. We can sort out our complicated love lives."

"What love life are you talking about? Because my love life is non-existent, literally."

"Fine," Lexie said, "You'll start your non-existent love life and I'll sort out my complicated love life. Wait a second, you didn't even tell me why you couldn't ask Library Guy out? What happened?"

"Believe me, Lex, I steeled myself too. I was going to do it on Wednesday, I was fully prepared. I had a big speech ready too. But then, I kept waiting and waiting for him to come to the library, and he didn't come! He always comes on Wednesdays and Fridays, but this Wednesday, he didn't come! So, I thought that it was a sign by the universe, telling me that it was not gonna go well. So, when he did come on Friday, I didn't have the courage to go up to him," Meredith rambled on.

"Mer, there are no signs by the universe!" Lexie exclaimed. "You are such a chicken."

"Yeah, right, says the little chicken," Meredith said in a derisive voice.

"I think we have already established the fact that we are both chickens. But it's time to stop chickening out and put our plans into action. This Wednesday. We will both do it this Wednesday. And no chickening out, no matter what," Lexie said with determination ringing in her voice.

"But," Meredith protested in a feeble voice, "What if Library Guy doesn't show up again? Or Mark starts kissing you again? Or both happen?"

"Then, we'll do it on Friday," Lexie said, "But, we will do it. We are the Greys, Mer. We can do anything we want to."

"Yes, yes, you are right. And Dalai Lama once said, 'Great love and great achievements involve great risk or whatever.'"

"Yeah," Lexie said. "Yeah...So, we'll do it this Wednesday without chickening out. Now, go to sleep. Good night," Lexie said and turned around.

"Lex?"

"Yeah?" Lexie immediately rejoined, walking back towards Meredith's bed.

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight and rehearse the speech you prepared for Mark?"

"Yes!" Lexie answered readily, a relieved look coming on her face. "God, you read my mind. We can both rehearse our speeches. You'll be Mark and I'll be Library Guy," Lexie said, climbing into bed beside Meredith already.

"That sounds good," Meredith said and the two sisters started practising their speeches with each other as the moon rose high in the night sky.

* * *

Meredith sat behind her desk in the library on Wednesday morning, fidgeting. It was THE day, the day when she was finally going to ask Library Guy out for coffee. Her nerves were jangled and she kept playing the speech she had prepared over and over in her mind. A million worries raced around her head, but she kept remembering Lexie's words about how her and Library Guy's weird bookish relationship would never get to another level if she never worked up the courage to ask him out.

"Forget the risk and take the fall, if it's meant to be, then it's worth it all," Meredith mused to herself, trying to calm herself down. She knew that what she was going to do that day was going to change her and Library Guy's weird friendship forever. She would be putting her heart on the line, and there would be no going back from there. If Library Guy rejected her...Meredith didn't even want to think about what would happen if Library Guy rejected her. Part of her wished that Library Guy wouldn't show up again – that would at least stall the deed for two more days. But another part of her wanted to be over with it already, because the suppressed trepidation and anxiety was killing her.

Meredith glanced at the door once more and then looked down at the book she was reading. For the first time in her entire life of 22 years, the words of the book appeared dull and fanciful to Meredith. Usually, she could just bury herself in the rabbit hole of a book and forget everything else about the real world; she could immerse herself in the storyline, characters, events of a book and allow herself to feel the emotions of the characters. But it was not the case that day. That day, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring herself to concentrate on her book. It all appeared meaningless to her.

What would she do if Library Guy said no? What if he told her that he didn't like her that way? Or, what if, Meredith thought with horror, he had a girlfriend? Shit. Meredith hadn't even considered the possibility of him having a girlfriend until then. But the possibility was too high – why would an amazing and good-looking guy like him be single? He had to have a girlfriend; he just had to. Meredith had no idea how to deal with that possibility – she had discussed all possible worst case scenarios with Lexie except that one. She was unprepared. Meredith Grey was screwed. She was so screwed.

Before Meredith had the time to think any further, a soft voice broke her thoughts.

"Hey."

Meredith's eyes widened as she recognized the familiar voice, and she looked up from the pages of her book to find herself drowning in the all too familiar pair of deep blue pools.

"H – Hey," Meredith stammered timorously as she looked at the very person she was dreading to see – Library Guy.

"How are you today?" Library Guy asked with a smile.

"Oh, I'm – I'm fine," Meredith replied with a nervous, wan smile. Wrong answer. She was definitely not fine. Anything but fine.

"Good. So, whatcha reading today?" he asked like every other day, and lifted one end of the open book to look at the title.

"Oh...'The Notebook' by Nicholas Sparks," Meredith said, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Are you ok?" he asked, noticing the stressed look on her face.

That was it. Meredith knew that the time had come. She had to tell him now. In no way could she stall or avoid it. She just...had to do it, even if he already had a gorgeous, amazing girlfriend at home. She just needed to do it and get it out of her system.

"I – uh – ahem..." Meredith cleared her throat awkwardly and then continued, "I need...need to tell you something."

"Okay, go on...Tell me. Wait, is it something bad? Should I sit down for it? Are you breaking up with me?"

Meredith's eyes widened with horror and her mouth fell agape. What was he talking about? She hadn't even asked him out yet and he was already talking about break-ups?

"What?!" Meredith asked, aghast.

He laughed in response. "Relax, I was just kidding," he said, laughing but he stopped when he noticed the look on Meredith's face.

"Oh..." Meredith mumbled, fiddling with her wrist watch. Damn it, why was it so freaking hard? Why couldn't she just say it? Bite the bullet and be done with it?

"So, you wanted to tell me something?" he probed.

"Yeah, yeah...I – um...I wanted to say that," Meredith said and paused a little, shutting her eyes before continuing, "I wanted to say that I really like you and how you love books so much and we definitely have that in common, and I know that we basically know nothing else about each other, but thing is that, I would like to get to know you better, because you...intrigue me. So, what I am basically saying is that, would you like to go out for coffee sometime? With me?" Meredith opened her eyes at the end of her ramble and looked up at his face.

When her eyes finally locked on his blue orbs, however, she found him staring back at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Seconds passed by, each second seeming like hours to Meredith, but Library Guy didn't say a word. He just stared at her, his lips slightly parted, his pupils dilated.

Shit. The expression on his face didn't bode well. Meredith just knew it – she, was officially screwed.

* * *

Lexie stood in a wine-red gown, staring as a tall, blonde girl named Julie or Julia or whatever, flirted with Mark shamelessly.

It was Wednesday evening, and Lexie's plans of telling Mark that she was in love with him were not going so well. She had met Mark for coffee in the morning, but before she could tell Mark anything about love, Mark had asked her to be his date to his friend, Owen Hunt's engagement party in the evening. Lexie had been over the moon because Mark had asked **her** to be his date, and she had happily agreed to go to the party with him. But now, as she stood amidst all the strangers at the party and watched another girl throw herself at Mark, she seethed with jealousy and rancour. She tightened her grip on her flute of champagne as she watched Mark laugh at something that Julie or Julia was saying to him.

Lexie averted her eyes from the duo and trained her eyes on the recently engaged couple. Owen Hunt and Amelia Shepherd. They were locked in a loving embrace in one corner of the room, and Lexie couldn't help but feel slightly envious of them. They looked so...happy, so deliriously happy and in love. Lexie wanted that – she wanted to be enveloped in Mark's arms and be deliriously happy. Her eyes wandered off towards another corner of the room, where Amelia's older brother, Derek Shepherd was sipping at his drink and gazing at his sister and her fiancé with a tiny smile playing on his lips. Mark had introduced her to Owen, Amelia and Derek when they had arrived at the party and the trio had been extremely welcoming and warm to her, despite the fact that she was several years younger than all of them. Amelia had even called Lexie 'Markie's girlfriend,' which had made Lexie like Amelia instantly.

Lexie's eyes strayed back to Mark and the blonde girl, and her insides churned when she saw how close the girl was leaning towards Mark. Mark didn't exactly have a pleased look on his face, but he wasn't pulling back either. Lexie couldn't take it anymore. She downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and made her way towards the empty balcony of the house. Stepping out on the balcony, Lexie leant against the railing and gripped it hard with her hands, tears forming in her eyes. She couldn't take more of Mark's ignorance – it was killing her.

"You know," a voice said from behind Lexie, causing her to gasp softly in surprise, "If I were you, I'd have walked up straight to that slut and marked my territory. Shown her who I am."

Lexie turned around and came face to face with Amelia Shepherd. Amelia gave her a tiny smile and walked over to stand beside Lexie. Lexie blinked back her tears and remained silent, not knowing what to say to a woman who she had known for barely a few minutes.

"Owen, Mark and Derek have been friends since college, so I've known Mark for a while now...I know how he likes to sow his wild oats," Amelia said, looking at Lexie. "Believe me, all three of them were alike when it came to relationships, that is, before Owen started dating me. They are old and mature now, but when it comes to relationships, they have the intelligence and maturity of five year olds. You gotta show them how much they need you, otherwise they'll never understand."

Lexie looked up at Amelia, her eyes filled with surprise. "Owen?" Lexie asked in a shocked voice.

"Doesn't seem like it now, does he?" Amelia asked with a small laugh. "He was exactly like Mark when I met him. A complete playboy. He had been hurt in the past, so he was afraid to trust anyone again."

"But," Lexie said, looking back towards the room, "he looks so happy with you. He is engaged to you! He is – he is committed to you."

"And I didn't have to work any less to get him to this place. At some point, you have to put your foot down. That's the only way you can make 'em realize how much you mean to them. It worked for me and Owen."

"What did you do?" Lexie asked, still finding it hard to believe that Owen had been a womanizer like Mark. He definitely didn't look like one now. If anything, he looked happy to be settled down with Amelia.

"I walked away," Amelia said simply with a shrug. "I walked away from him, and it made him see what he was deliberately refusing to see."

"I don't think I have enough strength to walk away from Mark," Lexie said with a sniff. "I just...I love him so much."

"I did too. But it's the only way, you see," Amelia said, placing a hand on Lexie's shoulder. "Otherwise, he'll continue to deny that he loves you."

"But, how do you know that Mark loves me? He may not," Lexie pointed out, knuckling her eyes.

"I know, Lexie. I've seen the way he looks at you. He is in love with you, he just won't accept it."

Lexie didn't reply to Amelia as she mulled over Amelia's words. Could walking away from Mark really make Mark realize that he loved her?

However, before Lexie could think any further, her eyes alighted on Julie or Julia grabbing Mark's shirt and dragging him out on the balcony. The blonde girl looked rather drunk, and she and Mark probably didn't notice Amelia and Lexie's presence.

Lexie decided to clear her throat in order to make her presence known, but before she could act, however, Julie or Julia or whatever planted her lips on Mark's.

Time seemed to stop as Lexie watched the scene playing out in front of her, frozen with shock. Only a few seconds had passed, but to Lexie, it felt like hours. She finally found her voice and gasped out, "Mark?!"

Mark's head snapped up and his eyes dilated with horror as they locked on Lexie's dark brown ones. "Lexie! Lex, it's not...it's not what it looks like," he said, freeing herself from the blonde girl's grip and taking a step towards Lexie.

"Oh really?" Lexie said, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "Then what is it like, Mark? You know what, never mind. I need to go," Lexie murmured and rushed past Mark inside the room, leaving a shocked Mark in her wake.

* * *

It took a moment for Mark to realize what had transpired, and he immediately took after Lexie. He chased Lexie out of the house and to the driveway.

"Lexie! Lexie, please wait! I can explain," he yelled out behind her, but Lexie didn't stop till she had reached his car. She reached his car and spun around, tears streaming down her cheek.

"Explain? Explain what, Mark? Why you kissed that girl?" Lexie asked in a harsh voice.

"I didn't kiss her!" Mark cried out as he reached out to touch Lexie's shoulder, but she backed away. "She kissed me! She took me by surprise. I didn't even like her."

"Well, I was standing there, Mark. She might have kissed you first, but you didn't exactly pull back," Lexie retorted, wiping her cheeks.

"She caught me off guard, Lexie! I didn't pull back from her because I was too surprised to react! It was only a fraction of second," Mark said in a pleading voice.

"It didn't look like a fraction of second to me," Lexie admitted truthfully. "Really, Mark, when we started seeing each other and you told me that you were not looking for something serious, I asked one thing of you. And that was not to cheat on me while we were still seeing each other. And you did just that, Mark! How could you?"

"I did NOT cheat on you, Lexie!" Mark cried out. "I swear, I didn't kiss that girl back! I'm not interested in that girl, or anyone except you, for that matter."

Lexie shook her head as she wiped her tears away. "I – I don't know how to believe you, Mark. Because you were definitely flirting with her beforehand...I...I need to go home," Lexie murmured and turned around to hail a cab.

"Lexie, please believe me. I didn't kiss that girl. She kissed me; there was nothing on my part! What are you doing? I'll drop you home," Mark said as he watched Lexie hail a cab.

"There's no need for you to do that," Lexie said in a cold whisper. "Please, Mark, just leave me alone!" She opened the door of the cab and got inside, and before Mark had a chance to say anything else, the driver whisked the taxicab away, leaving Mark standing on the road with a horrified look on his face.

* * *

 **A/N: I know, I know. I'm mean; I gave you two cliffhangers – one for MerDer and one for Slexie. But, before you decide to kill me, I'd like to let you know that I am a believer in happy endings, so have a little faith in me and our boys!**

 **Since it's been a while since my last update, I have to ask, are you guys still out there? Are you still interested in this story and want to read more? Do you still want me to continue?**

 **Please review and let me know what you think and when to update!**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **Patsy –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! No worries about the Finn rant; as a reader, I'd be pissed off too. But, now you have another cliff to worry about – will Library Guy say yes to Meredith? Sound off about what you think, and thank you so much for your kind words about this story! :)

 **Guest –** Thanks for the review! Still ruined? Or did I make it up to you? Leave me an answer :) I'm glad you thought that the story was great so far!

 **RhizOneill –** Thank you for the review! I realize that no one wants Finn here, but I just put him there because I'm mean: P Anyway, I fixed the Finn problem, but what about this new problem we have? What will be Derek's answer? Review and let me know! Thanks!

 **MathiMth –** Thank you for your constant support! It truly means a lot to me! Glad you loved the last chapter! Let me know what you think about this one :)

 **xtiannax –** Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing! Glad you think so! Got rid of Finn, but left you with two more cliffhangers. Let me know what you think!

 **XxthecornykittyxX –** Thank you! Your review made my day! I'm so happy to hear that this is one of your favourite stories! And looks like your wish just got granted – Omelia and Slexie! Though, I'll admit it, the Slexie cliffhanger was mean :P Let me know what you think!

 **Guest –** Thank you for your sweet words! I admit that the story is kind of a slow burn at this point, but things are gonna heat up soon, I promise! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **Margaret –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Hope I didn't disappoint you with how I took care of the Finn situation, and the new cliffs. Agreed though! Library Guy and Library Girl are definitely meant to be; they just have to figure it out! Thank you!

 **Guest –** Thank you for the review! Got rid of Finn, so happy? Glad you like my story! Thanks!

 **CileSuns92 –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Guess you got the answer to your question ;) Thanks for your lovely words – they made my day! It will take a while, as you guessed, for all the pieces in the puzzle to fit together, but things are gonna heat up soon. I'm so glad to hear that you're so much in love with this Meredith and Derek, and hope you liked this chapter as well! Thank you!

 **Lollikass –** Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing! Your lovely review brightened up my day! I'm so glad that you think so about my story, and even better that you got an idea from this! Always happy to help, I'll be sure to check out your new story! Thank you for the kind words!

 **chicagonp2012 –** Thank you for the awesome reviews! Extremely gratified that you're enjoying this story so far! Took care of Finn; hope it didn't disappoint you. Let me know what you think of this chapter!

 **bhavyam1998 –** Thanks a lot for the review! Mer did say it to Lexie this time, didn't she? Hope you liked this chapter! :)

 **Obstinate headstrong girl –** Thank you so much for the wonderful review! It made my day! Got rid of Finn, and gave you two mean cliffhangers. Let me know what you think! :)

 **Guest –** Thanks a lot for the lovely review! I'll keep writing as long as people are reading and reviewing. What did you think of the cliffs, eh? :) Diary excerpts are gonna show up frequently here on. Thank you!

 **snv3 –** Thank you for the review! Derek didn't exactly get a chance to react to Meredith's date, but hope I didn't disappoint you with how things turned out! Thanks!

 **MerDer2015 –** Thanks so much for the sweet words! Agreed! I couldn't picture Meredith with Finn either, hence the turn of events in this chapter. Hope you liked this chapter! Thank you!

 **Ginger –** Thank you for the review! And never ever worry about a simple 'love the story' not being enough. I love getting feedback from my readers – any kind of feedback! And to know that my readers are loving my story makes me so happy that I can't express it in words. So, just leave me your thoughts, no need to worry about the length. Thank you!

 **MsHGolightly –** Thank you so much for the beautiful words! I'm extremely happy to hear that you're loving this story! I can't stand Finn either, hence I got rid of him. Hope you liked this chapter as well and let me know what you think!

 **ButterflyWhisperer –** Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing! Glad to know that you think so! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **Alexis –** Thank you so much for the lovely words! They made my day! So happy to know that you love Library Guy and Library Girl. I did want to write about a MerDer like no other. Thank you! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **BoxingTheStars812 –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! Looks like you pegged it right on the nose – it was a disaster! Hope you liked this chapter! Thanks! :)

 **ZammieandPercabeth4ever –** Thanks a lot for the review! Glad to know that you like it. I admit that things are kind of a slow burn right now, but things are gonna move fast soon. Thanks for the advice; I'll really try my best to add more spice to this story. Thank you! Your advice gave me some new ideas to develop the plotlines! :)

 **Kachelle486 –** Thank you so much for the review! So glad you love it! Hope you liked this chapter! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews on last chapter! Holidays are here, so I thought I'd give you something to make you happy :)**

 **This chapter picks up right where the last one left off...Or maybe not...You'll see...**

 **P.S. I'm re-posting this chapter because the chapter contained some errors that needed to be fixed...**

* * *

Meredith snuggled under her blankets in her bed at night, the stranger's diary clasped tightly in her hands. Lexie had called her a few hours earlier to tell her that she was going out with Mark and so she would probably come home late. Lexie had sounded pretty hopped-up on the phone, and Meredith was happy for her little sister. She sincerely wished that Lexie would be able to confess her feelings to Mark. But, Lexie staying out late meant that Meredith was all alone for the night. Or maybe not completely alone. Diary Guy's diary was there to keep her company in the cold, lonely night. That, and Meredith's own thoughts. Thoughts about what had happened earlier that day when she had finally worked up the courage to ask her Library Guy out. Meredith shook her head as her mind involuntarily travelled back to the events of that morning.

 _Flashback:-_

"... _So, what I am basically saying is that, would you like to go out for coffee sometime? With me?" Meredith opened her eyes at the end of her ramble and looked up at his face._

 _When her eyes finally locked on his blue orbs, however, she found him staring back at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Seconds passed by, each second seeming like hours to Meredith, but Library Guy didn't say a word. He just stared at her, his lips slightly parted, his pupils dilated._

 _Shit. The expression on his face didn't bode well. Meredith just knew it – she, was officially screwed._

 _Seconds flew by as Meredith and Library Guy kept staring at each other, their gazes transfixed. Neither Library Guy said anything nor did Meredith. She didn't want to be the first one to break the never-ending silence that had descended over them, and the reason was quite simple. Meredith had asked the dreaded question and it was Library Guy's turn to respond. Besides, Meredith didn't have a clue as to what to say next to break the almost awkward silence that was prevailing over her and Library Guy._

 _Why was he not saying anything? Was that because his answer was no, but he didn't want to break her heart or something like that? Or, did he have a girlfriend? He definitely had a girlfriend, Meredith thought to herself. He definitely had a girlfriend because a guy like him could not be single. It was impossible. What had Meredith been thinking? How could a girl like her have a chance with a perfect guy like him? He was like a dream come true for her, but she was just...Meredith. Ordinary, mundane Meredith. Nothing special or extraordinary._

 _But still, why wasn't he saying something? If his answer was no, then he could just say it and be over with it. She was a big girl, she would be able to handle it. Yes, her tiny, fragile heart would be crushed, but she would definitely handle it. He should have at least said something by now. The everlasting silence on his part was killing Meredith._

" _Uh – ahem. Excuse me," a voice broke the smothering silence, but to Meredith's dismay, it was not Library Guy who had spoken. It was a reader who had come to her desk with a book in his hand._

" _Y –Yes?" Meredith stuttered amidst her agonizing worry._

" _I want to borrow this book for a few days," the reader said, holding out the book to Meredith. Meredith read the title of the book, all the while wringing her hands in her lap. "The Unexpected Guest" by Agatha Christie, the title read. Meredith looked up at the reader once and then glanced at Library Guy. Library Guy had yet to utter a word._

" _Uh...um...okay. Tell me your name and address and phone number and stuff," Meredith rambled, taking out her register. Her hands were shaking and sweating badly, but she somehow managed to move the pen across the paper, filling in the necessary details at a much slower pace._

" _You need to sign here, and put today's date," Meredith murmured, glancing at Library Guy once more. He was still standing with a bemused look on his face, like she had just dropped a bombshell on him. The reader filled in the necessary details and paid the caution money before walking away, leaving only Meredith and Library Guy at the desk._

 _Meredith stared at Library Guy's face for a long moment, drowning in his fathomless blue eyes. But, they couldn't stay silent forever. Someone had to break the ice, and Meredith decided that if Library Guy wasn't going to say anything, then she was going to take back her question._

 _Taking a deep breath, Meredith bit the inside of her cheek to prevent the tears from filling her eyes. "Forget what I just said," she said, finally scotching the never-ending silence that had descended over them._

" _What?" Library Guy finally managed to whisper in a feeble voice._

" _Forget. What I just said, forget that. I know you don't feel about me that way, and you probably have a girlfriend, and... it's okay, really. I get it totally. It's perfectly fine. I just...I was being stupid. You have a girlfriend, don't you? I mean, why wouldn't you? It's pretty normal for you to have a girlfriend. And even if you didn't have a girlfriend, you...you barely know me. I get it, it's alright. I am okay. Just...erase this awkward conversation between us from your memory. Because, I liked how we were friends...or sort-of-friends, and I wouldn't want things to turn awkward between us because of this stupid, moronic thing that I –"_

" _I would love to go out for coffee with you," Library Guy interjected in a soft voice._

" _...that I said. It's so stupid and I am just so...I mean, I should have guessed that you'd have a girlfriend and...It's okay for you to say no...I understand. Don't feel guilty or –"Meredith continued to ramble but stopped midway, her face freezing with shock. She had been staring straight ahead all the while during her ramble, but now her green eyes snapped to Library Guy's cerulean ones. "Wh – What?" Meredith stammered, her mouth falling open._

" _I said that I'd love to go out for coffee with you," Library Guy said in a firmer voice this time, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips._

" _You...You would?" Meredith asked, unable to believe her own ears. "But...What about your girlfriend?"_

 _Library Guy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend," he said, his lips quirking up quizzically._

" _But, I thought you had a..." Meredith bit her tongue as she realized that she had been thinking aloud the whole time. Library Guy had never said that he had a girlfriend. She had just assumed from his lack of response that he had a girlfriend. She blushed furiously as she realized how she had been rambling and fretting for no reason at all, and she looked down at her feet in mortification. What must he be thinking? He was probably thinking that she was a rambling lunatic – a moron._

" _Hey," Library Guy said softly, "How about...we go and grab that coffee now?"_

 _Meredith immediately looked up at him, surprise written all over her face. "Now? As in now now?" she asked, profoundly astonished. She had never imagined him saying something like this._

" _Yes, now now," Library Guy said with a tender smile. "I didn't know there were different nows."_

 _Meredith blushed once more as she realized her idiocy and moronic behaviour. What was wrong with her? No, seriously, there had to be something wrong with her. "But...But, I am working now," Meredith murmured, chiding herself mentally for saying that. There was definitely something wrong with her. The perfect guy of her dreams was offering to take her out for coffee and she was indirectly saying no? That too, when she had been the one to ask first?_

" _I'm sure that Mrs. Smith will allow you to take a small break. We can go to the café across the street and grab some breakfast. It will only take about an hour or so," Library Guy said cajolingly._

" _Oh, well...I could ask Mrs. Smith, I guess..." Meredith said, uncertainty and suppressed excitement lacing her voice._

" _Good. You go do that. I will be right here, waiting for you," Library Guy said with a smile that warmed Meredith's heart inside out._

 _Ten minutes later, Meredith and Library Guy were seated snugly in a booth inside the café across the street. Meredith still couldn't believe that she was sitting in a café with her Library Guy, out on a real first date. It was technically her very first date in her entire life, and the irony was that Meredith didn't feel timorous at all. If anything, she was at complete ease with Library Guy, whose name she had yet to know._

" _So..." Meredith murmured, "Um...Uh – I know that it's kinda weird that I am asking this now...but, um, what's your name?" Meredith bit her lower lip and looked at Library Guy through her long eyelashes._

" _Oh..." Library Guy said, his cheeks colouring slightly. "Derek. Derek Shepherd," he said, outstretching his hand._

" _Derek," Meredith said, liking the way his name rolled off of her tongue. Library Guy had a name now. Derek. "Right. Meredith. Meredith Grey," she said, taking the hand he had offered. As soon as their skins touched, Meredith felt a jolt of electricity run through her body. She shivered slightly as she shook his warm hand and wondered whether he had felt that jolt too._

" _Meredith," Derek said with a smile. "So, wanna order first?" he asked, taking back his hand._

" _Yeah, okay."_

" _What do you want? Oh, they have the best scones here, so you have to try it out," Derek said, signalling to the waitress._

 _Meredith nodded her head. "Okay. I'll have the scones and chocolate muffins. And a mocha latte," she said as the waitress approached them._

" _Whoa! Don't you think that's a lot of sugar for this time of the day?" Derek asked, quirking an eyebrow playfully._

 _Meredith shrugged. "I don't care. I like sugar and chocolate. And if you think that that's a lot of sugar, then you should see me on Thursday mornings. I have a chocolate doughnut with sprinkles every Thursday," she said and watched Derek grimace._

" _Ohhhh...kay," he replied, turning to the waitress. "A mocha latte, an espresso, a chocolate muffin, a plain bran muffin and scones," he said to the waitress and the waitress walked away with a polite nod._

" _Oh, so you are quite the health nut, I see..." Meredith remarked, taking a napkin from the table and fiddling with it._

" _Guilty as charged," Derek said in a grave tone, causing Meredith to giggle. He chuckled along with her._

" _So, Meredith," Derek said, "Tell me more about yourself. What do you do? Besides working at the library, I mean."_

 _Meredith looked down at the napkin as she said, "Well, I have a Bachelor's degree in English literature. I work at the library now, as you can see. And I aspire to be a writer." The last words came out as the ghost of a whisper from Meredith's lips. Everyone except her dad and her sister made fun of her aspiration of being a writer. She was pretty sure that Library Guy – Derek, would think the same too._

" _Wow! What a coincidence, Meredith! I want to be a writer too," Derek said, much to Meredith's astonishment._

" _You do?" Meredith asked, patently taken aback._

" _Yes," Derek said, "I have a degree in creative writing and I want to become a published author someday."_

" _That...That's..." Not what I expected, Meredith thought to herself. "We have more in common than we guessed, don't we?" Meredith asked._

" _Sure we do. We both love books, we both want to be writers. The only huge difference between us is that you are a junk food junkie and I am a health nut," Derek said with a small, blithe laugh._

 _Meredith laughed with him too. She laughed freely, naturally. Not the way she laughed around other guys. No, that was her fake, high-pitched, forced laugh. Around Library Guy, everything was normal and easy and halcyon._

" _Yeah, that is a huge difference..." Meredith said as the waitress arrived with their orders. "So, are you working now?"_

" _Yeah. I am working at the Providence Hospice," Derek replied, taking a sip of his coffee._

" _You work at a hospice? That's nice...Really nice," Meredith said, her admiration and respect for him augmenting some more._

" _Yeah..." Derek said, not delving into the reasons behind his choice of profession._

 _After that, the duo engaged in a light-hearted, lengthy conversation about books and writing and every other topic that came to their mind. They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't even realize when two hours flew by._

 _Finally, Meredith glanced at her wrist watch and her eyes widened as she realized how much time she had spent with Library Guy._

" _Oh God...It's been over two hours since we came here," Meredith muttered urgently, discarding her napkin and grabbing her bag. "I should go now or else Mrs. Smith will kill me. I was supposed to be taking a break of an hour."_

" _Oh, I am sure it's fine. Mrs. Smith is quite lenient. She'll let you off the hook," Derek said with a wink as he stood up too. "So..."_

" _So..." Meredith said, locking eyes with him. "Are you gonna come back to the library?"_

 _Derek opened his mouth once, but then closed it. After a minute, he said, "Um...I think I better go today. I have to work from 1 o'clock, and I feel drowsy after such a heavy breakfast. I think I'll just go home and take a nap."_

" _Oh," Meredith said, not knowing what to say next. She was running late, but she didn't want to leave either. Should she ask him for his number? No, that would come across as too desperate. She had already made the first move by asking him out for coffee first, she didn't need to make the second move too. She should wait and see if he asked for her number. That would mean that he was genuinely interested in her and hadn't gone on a coffee date with her just to humour her, right? Right?_

" _Meredith," he said, breaking the silence, "Can I have your number?"_

 _Meredith let out a sigh of relief as she smiled and nodded. Grabbing a clean napkin from the table, she took out a pen and scribbled her number on it before handing it to him._

" _Okay, Derek. Now I am really running very late. I – I had a great time with you," she said, wondering what she should do next. She had no experience in the area. None whatsoever. Should she kiss him? No, no...That would be too forward for a first date. A handshake? No, that would be way too formal. Then what? Meredith's mind was blank as she stood there, staring awkwardly into space._

 _Before Meredith could scotch her internal struggle and decide on something, Library Guy leant toward her and pressed his soft, deliciously warm lips to her cheek. Meredith tensed up a little at the sudden gesture, but just as she began to lean into his touch, he pulled back._

" _I had a great time with you too," Derek said with a smile as he pulled back. "A really good time."_

 _Meredith's lips stretched into a smile of relief and happiness. She nodded once more and then, standing on her tiptoes, she pecked him quickly on his cheek. And before he could react, Meredith mumbled, "Bye, Derek. Have a nice day," and walked away from him._

 _Meredith crossed the street with a smile on her face and entered the library. As she took her usual spot behind the desk, she suddenly realized that she had only given her own number to Derek. She had never asked for his. As the realization hit Meredith, she facepalmed and groaned in frustration. She was a damn imbecile. Why was she so stupid and moronic? What if Library Guy never called her?_

* * *

Meredith pressed her forehead to the little black notebook and let out a frustrated sigh. She bemoaned about not asking Derek for his number. But, what could she do? She had a pea-sized brain when it came to dating and relationships, and she had been so hopped-up about her very first date – her very first date that she had truly enjoyed – that she had forgotten to ask Library Guy for his number in all her excitement.

And now, Meredith was pretty sure that Derek was never going to call her again. He probably got the numbers of hundreds of girls every day. Why would he call her, the dim-witted, neurotic one, of all the girls? He was definitely never going to call her. He had just agreed to a breakfast date with her so that she did not have to feel the humiliation of rejection. But, then again, he had kissed her on the cheek first, right? Did that mean that he was into her? Or was that something that suave, charming guys like him did all the time?

Meredith had no clue. She had zero experience when it came to relationships. That was why she needed to see her sister so badly at the moment. Lexie, though younger than her, knew ten times more about dating and romance. She would be able to advise Meredith on what her next step should be. But, Lexie was not going to come home till late at night, and Meredith had to wait until Lexie's return.

Letting out a huff, Meredith opened the stranger's diary and flipped through the pages. She didn't know why, but reading the diary had become a dear habit to her. Whenever she was sad or happy or confused, she read a diary entry and in some way or the other, it helped her lighten up again. The diary entries of the stranger made her smile at times, cry at others. She could read the diary at the end of a supremely awful day and have a good laugh. Or she could end up crying after reading a poignant diary entry that touched her heart. Whatever it might be, she had just become addicted to reading this perfect stranger's diary.

Opening a middle page, Meredith folded her knees and began to read.

 _28_ _th_ _July, 1998_

 _6:00 p.m._

 _Tonight, my heart is burdened with a tremendous amount of guilt. Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of two months, Jessica. I liked Jessica, I did. It was not like I got bored with her or anything. She is a really nice girl. She is good-looking, smart, and funny. A little nagging at times, but that's alright. That's not why I broke up with her. I broke up with her because she was beginning to want a deeper level of commitment in our relationship – something that I cannot give her, or any other girl, for that matter. The reason is pretty simple, I think. I have Ames to think about. My dad doesn't give a shit about what happens to me and Ames, but I can't do the same to my baby sister. Her responsibility is on my shoulders, and it is not a burden. I will gladly fend for myself and Ames for the rest of my life. But, here's the rub. Ames told me last night that she was feeling neglected ever since I started dating Jessica. That is why I broke up with Jess. Because, my number one girl was and always will be my baby sis. No one is more important to me than her. She is all I have; she is my reason to live. And if she feels neglected because I have a girlfriend, then I better not have a girlfriend at all. When it comes to a choice between Ames and some girl, there is no choice. Ames is everything to me – my world, my support system, my everything. I can't neglect her for anything or anyone else in this world._

 _But, at the same time, I feel guilty for breaking Jessica's heart. She was crying when I broke up with her, and the realization that someone was crying because of me made my heart heavy with guilt. Mom always used to say that we should try to avoid making someone cry. I put Mom down today, because I made Jess cry. But, I had no other choice. I put Ames down because I failed to be a good brother to her, and I put Jessica down because I broke up with her. I feel like a failure – a worthless piece of shit. Mom would be so disappointed if she could see me today. I have a lot of apologies to make. I have to apologize to Ames, I have to apologize to Jess once again, and I have to apologize to Mom and my own self. Because when Jessica was crying and telling me that she loved me, my heart was breaking for her. She was my first girlfriend ever, and while I never fell in love with her, I did care for her. Crushing her heart makes me sadder than I imagined. I didn't want to hurt her like that, I didn't. But, I can't let Ames feel neglected because of my girlfriend. I can't divert my attention – not until Ames is old enough to take care of herself. Not even then, because I am her big brother and I will always watch over her. I cannot allow myself to have any distractions, none whatsoever. And no matter what I say, Jessica was a distraction. So, I have decided. No more serious relationships for me. I will never allow myself to fall in love with anyone; I will never let anyone distract me again. I know that makes me sound like a coward, but it's the only way. No commitments, no strings attached. My family, my precious little princess is and always will be my top priority._

 _I have to go and make dinner now. Ames must be famished. Until next time._

Meredith finished reading the diary entry and snapped it shut. Poor Diary Guy, she thought. Her heart went out to him. He must have been in such a dilemma at that time. She felt angry now. Angry with Diary Guy's dad for shaping up Diary Guy's life that way. Why did his dad ruin his life? Deliberately or not, his dad was the reason Diary Guy decided not to let himself fall in love. But, at the same time, Meredith couldn't help but feel a little more connected to Diary Guy. She didn't know why, but her heart fluttered a little as she pondered on what a great guy Diary Guy was, whoever he was. She knew that she should not be having thoughts like that about a perfect stranger. For all she knew, Diary Guy could be a sixty year old man with a wife and family. Or maybe not. Because, if he had had his first girlfriend in 1997, then he had to be 16 or 17 back then. Which meant he was in his twenties now.

Meredith shook her head to get rid of her farcical thoughts. How would she know when Diary Guy had had his first girlfriend? He might have had his first girlfriend when he had been 30 years old. It was not unusual. Look at her. She went out on her first real date at 22. Anything was possible. She couldn't let herself flow with her tempestuous heart. She shouldn't even be thinking about Diary Guy's current age. She had just gone out on her first date with her first crush – Library Guy, or Derek. She shouldn't be thinking about the ages of strangers whom she hadn't even met and whose diary she just happened to have.

Meredith's internal conflict was scotched when she heard a muffled sob from the next room. Lexie's room. Had Lexie returned home? But, so soon? What about her date with Mark? And why in the blue hell would she be crying? Meredith shoved the diary inside her bag and climbed out of bed immediately. She had to find out what was going on.

* * *

"Lexie, wait! Just hear me out once," Mark yelled as he followed Lexie to the porch of her house. After Lexie had left the party in haste, Mark had only taken a few minutes to recover from his initial shock before jumping in his car to follow her to her home.

"Mark, I already told you – I don't wanna hear any lame excuse of yours," Lexie said in a firm voice, wiping the remnants of tears from her cheeks. She had shed a lot of tears on her way back home; she was determined not to cry over Mark anymore.

"But, Lexie, trust me. I didn't kiss that girl, I really didn't. Don't you trust in me?" Mark asked as Lexie opened the front door of her house and walked inside.

"No!" Lexie said in a hushed voice, knowing that her parents were still up. "I don't trust in you, not anymore. Now, please leave. Dad's home, and if he finds out what you did, he'll kill you," she said and slammed the door on Mark's face, effectively blocking out whatever he was trying to say.

Mark stood on the porch, pondering whether he should pound his fists on the door. He wanted to talk to Lexie; he wanted to tell her that he really hadn't been interested in that girl. He had been careless, and that was why the girl had worked up the courage to kiss him in the first place. Yes, the girl had been flirting with him, but he had been continually warding off her advances. But, the girl had been beyond tipsy and she just couldn't take no for an answer. Mark hadn't even been paying any attention to the girl's drunken babble when she had planted her lips on his. And before he could react and pull back, Lexie had already seen them and the damage had been done.

Sighing loudly, Mark decided that it would be best to depart from the place at the moment. Lexie was beyond livid right now, and she wasn't going to listen to any explanation of his, no matter how hard he tried. It would be best to let her cool off a bit before talking to her again.

With that thought in mind, Mark looked one last time at the closed door and then walked away towards his car. When he had asked Lexie to be his date for the party, he had had a lot of things on his mind. He had thought about dancing and champagne, and he had even thought of going home with Lexie and making glorious love to her. But never in his wildest dreams had he envisioned that his night would turn out this way.

* * *

Lexie ran up the stairs to her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her. Plopping down on the bed, she broke out into loud sobs as she recalled the events of the night. She had gone to the party with Mark with such high hopes – hopes of finally confessing to him that she loved him, hopes of him saying that he reciprocated her feelings. But, all her hopes had been shattered in one single moment – the moment that slut's lips had touched Mark's. She couldn't get the image of that slut kissing Mark out of her head, she just couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. She was not deaf or heartless; she had heard the plea in Mark's voice when he had repeated over and over again that he had not kissed that other girl. But, every time she heard Mark's explanation and her heart melted a little, the image of Mark and that slut with their lips locked popped up in her head, and her anger towards Mark augmented.

Lexie was sobbing hysterically, covering her mouth with her hands to muffle her sobs when she heard a feeble bang on her door.

"Lex? You in there? It's me, Mer," the voice came from the other side of the bedroom door.

"Mer," Lexie whispered in relief as she got up to unlock the door. Meredith was the only person who could understand her right now; Lexie needed her elder sister desperately at the moment.

"Mer," Lexie murmured as she opened the door and Meredith's face appeared in front of her.

"Lex? Wha – What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Meredith said, immediately noticing Lexie's tear-stained cheeks. Concern marred Meredith's facial features as she took in her sister's appearance.

"I – he – Mark," Lexie gasped and then broke out into a sob once more, unable to formulate a coherent sentence.

"Oh, Lex," Meredith said as she instantly put her arms around her baby sister and hugged her tightly. Lexie rested her cheek on Meredith's shoulder, crying as Meredith rubbed her back soothingly.

"Come on, let's go inside your room and we'll talk about what happened," Meredith said and the two sisters walked inside Lexie's bedroom. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Lexie pillowed her head on Meredith's shoulder as Meredith asked, "Lex, please stop crying and tell me what happened. What did that asshole Mark do to make my baby sis cry like this?"

Lexie sniffled as she raised her head from her sister's shoulder and knuckled her eyes. "He – Mer...He kissed...kissed someone else," Lexie said amidst sobs.

"He what?" Meredith asked, taken aback. She had met Mark twice, and while she had never particularly liked the guy, he hadn't seemed like the cheating type either. Yes, Meredith had understood the minute she had seen him that he was roguish and a womanizer, but still...He had looked like a decent guy. Meredith had never pegged that he'd turn out like this – that he would hurt her baby sister in such a cruel way.

"Can't believe it, right?" Lexie asked rhetorically. "I still can't either. If I hadn't seen it all with my own eyes, I would have probably disbelieved it all..."

"Lex, I will kill that asshole! How dare he? Who gave him the right to play with your heart like this?"

Lexie wept even more as she mumbled, "He still won't admit what he did...I mean, I was right there, I saw it, but he keeps saying that he didn't kiss her..."

"Lex, what do you mean? Tell me what happened from the beginning," Meredith said, rubbing slow circles on her sister's back.

Lexie told Meredith everything – literally everything. She told Meredith how Mark had asked her to be his date to the party, she told her how that Julie or Julia or whatever had been flirting with Mark shamelessly, then she described how Amelia had talked to her and finally, Lexie told Meredith about how that girl had kissed Mark. Lexie even told Meredith how she had fled from the party and how Mark had been constantly saying that he hadn't kissed the other girl. After narrating everything, Lexie took a deep breath and turned her dark brown eyes towards Meredith.

"What do you think, Mer?" Lexie asked, waiting for her sister's answer.

"Hmm..." Meredith hummed, a frown marring her features. "Lex, what he did is clearly unacceptable. As you said, he was flirting with that girl and he shouldn't have done that. I know you are hurting right now, but I also think that...I don't know...How long did Mark kiss that other girl?"

"I dunno," Lexie said, wiping her cheeks. "It all happened in slow motion for me. Time seemed to have frozen. It may have been a few seconds, or maybe a few minutes...I don't know, I don't remember. All I remember is seeing that girl's lips on Mark's and then, everything is a blur..."

"He is an asshole," Meredith said, wrapping her arm around Lexie's shoulders. "He is an asshole for making my sister cry...But Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"I also think that you should give him a chance to say his side of the story," Meredith said in a soft voice.

"Mer...?!" Lexie said with a gasp. "I – I can't believe you are siding with him!"

"Lex, you are misconstruing me," Meredith said, "I am not siding with Mark. You are my sister; I will always be on your side. I am not defending Mark. I am just saying that...If he was so persistent while saying that he didn't kiss that other girl, then maybe...You don't have to believe him until you want to or feel like it. Just...give him a chance to explain. Hear him out with a cool mind. You don't have to do it tonight, not even tomorrow. When you feel like it. Everyone deserves a chance to explain themselves, right?"

Lexie sniffled and shrugged noncommittally. Meredith knew that Lexie was too hurt and angry at the moment to even think about giving Mark the chance to explain himself. And so, Meredith didn't push her. Lexie was a sensible girl – she knew how to take her own decisions. Meredith had advised her, now it was up to Lexie to make the ultimate decision. But not now. Now, Lexie just needed a patient ear – she needed to talk and be heard.

"Hey," Meredith said, placing her index finger under Lexie's chin, "You know what? No more crying. I'll sleep with you today, and you can rant about Mark to your heart's content. Don't shed any more tears – just take out all your pent-up anger and frustration over him. Call him names, rant about him...I am here to listen, okay? You don't have to think about giving Mark a second chance right now. Forget about that."

Lexie looked up at Meredith and for the first time in the last hour and a half, a ghost of a smile appeared on Lexie's face. "This is why I love you, you know?" Lexie said, hugging Meredith tightly.

Meredith hugged her sister back and then climbed into the bed. "Go and change into your pyjamas and then we'll have a Mark rant session. That jackass! Do you need me to come and help you change your dress?" Meredith asked in a concerned voice as she watched Lexie stand up and stagger a little.

"No, no. I'm fine. Just a little tipsy. Had some champagne at the party, that's all. I am fine," Lexie said, waving her hand and moving towards her closet.

"Famous last words from every Grey woman," Meredith said, attempting to inject some humour into the situation.

Lexie threw her a wan smile and walked inside her closet. Meredith released a breath and rubbed her palm over her face. Who had known that the night would turn out like this? Meredith had thought that Lexie would finally confess her feelings to Mark and maybe, maybe Mark would reciprocate her feelings. Then, when Lexie would come home, she and Lexie could swap stories about what had happened and be happy with how things had turned out. Instead, that jerk Mark had broken Lexie's heart into a thousand smithereens and Meredith wasn't even sure that Library Guy would ever ring her up.

Things never happen the way they are supposed to happen. Never. Meredith sighed and waited for her sister to come out of the closet. She couldn't tell Lexie about her date with Library Guy now. It would be like rubbing salt on Lexie's wounds. No – for the first time in her life, Meredith was going to have to keep the truth from her sister.

The door of the closet opened and Lexie came out in her pyjamas. She climbed into bed beside Meredith and the two sisters snuggled under the blankets as Lexie started her rant about Mark.

* * *

The next morning, Lexie woke up to the sound of the alarm. She hadn't been able to sleep well at night and she had tossed and turned around a lot. She reached out to shut the alarm as she heard Meredith groan beside her. Meredith had never been a morning person, but Lexie had always nurtured the habit of waking up early.

Reaching for her phone that was lying on the bedside table, Lexie opened her message inbox. She noticed that she had 15 messages, all from Mark. Remembering what Meredith had said to her the night before, Lexie started typing a message.

 _I want to talk to you. Can you come and meet me at the Orange Café around 9 o'clock?_

Lexie hit the send button and waited for Mark's reply. Two minutes later, her phone beeped. Lexie opened the text from Mark and read –

 _Yes, of course. I'm so sorry for last night, Lex. I'll explain everything to you when we meet._

Lexie sighed and kept her phone aside. She didn't know if she could trust Mark again. But, like Meredith had said, everyone deserved a chance to share their side of the story. This was Mark's second chance. If he could utilize it, then well and good. If not, Lexie didn't know what she would do next.

* * *

 **A/N: I know, not my best work till date, but I tweaked this chapter a hundred times and still couldn't be satisfied with it, so I just bit the bullet and posted it. Anyways, Meredith and Derek know each other's names now! And they went out on their very first date! But, why did Derek take so long to reply to Meredith's question? Was he hiding something? And will he call Meredith again? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out.**

 **Reviews are like Christmas presents to me and since Christmas is almost here, so... :) Happy New Year, people!**

 **Leave your cheers, jeers, rants, raves and reviews!**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **bhavyam1998 –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Why Derek didn't react so soon is still a mystery, but I bet you can understand how important Lexie is to Mark. Gave you guys only a small cliff this time, but I hope you liked Meredith's very first real date! Thank you!

 **Seayah –** Thank you and welcome on board! I'm glad you think so about my story, and I'm really very happy to have you on board for this ride! Thanks!

 **Hasi2012 –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I'm extremely gratified to hear that you think so about my story! Agreed! The only other couple I cared about besides MerDer was Slexie, and Omelia, so included them in this story too. Hope you liked this chapter!

 **snv3 –** Thank you so much! Your review made my day! I'm usually into reading MerDer too, but I thought that a dash of Slexie would spice up the story. Hope you liked this chapter! :)

 **ButterflyWhisperer –** Thank you for the review! And I hope that some of the confusion about Mark has cleared after this chapter. He really didn't kiss that girl back. As far as MerDer goes, their first baby step! Glad to know that you loved the last update! Hope this one was up to the mark too!

 **Alexandra Caroline Sloan –** Thanks a bunch! I'm so happy to hear that! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **Kachelle486 –** Thanks so much for the sweet words! They brightened up my day! I know, as a reader, cliffhangers kill me too. But, I got you off the cliff in this chapter, didn't I? Thank you!

 **RhizOneill –** Thank you! Cliffhangers will be a part of this story, but I will get you off those cliffs soon, I promise! Let me know what you thought about this one!

 **xtiannax –** Thanks for reading and reviewing! Got you off the cliff. Well, sort of. Hope you liked this update! :)

 **Patsy –** Thank you for reading and reviewing! Glad to know that you love this story. Did you like the date MerDer had? Let me know :) And, thanks for the advice. I understand how frustrating it must be to be held hostage for reviews, and I don't like doing it either. But sadly, that's the only way to get reviews, I think. This is not the first time I am writing Grey's fanfiction – I used to write it before from an account that I have deleted now. I didn't hold readers hostage for reviews then. And the result was that I didn't have that many reviews on my fics. I am sorry you feel that way, Patsy, but reviews are very important to me as they help me grow as a writer. I understand what you are trying to say, but I hope that you try to understand my side of the story too. Let me know what you think about this chapter, as reviews really mean a lot to me! :)

 **Alexis –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I'm very happy that you thought so about the last update! I hope I gave you enough MerDer in this chapter. As for your concerns about Derek being a playboy, I think you understand after reading his diary entry in this chapter why he became a playboy. He is still a great guy, and he feels guilty as hell for breaking the hearts of so many girls, but he always had to put Amy first because he was the only family she had. So, he sacrificed his love life in order to protect and watch over his sister. That makes him an even greater guy, don't you think? Let me know what you think about this chapter! :)

 **Guest –** Thank you! I'm glad you love this! Hope there was enough MerDer for you in this chapter! More is on the way!

 **two harts –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I know how you feel about Susan, because I turned her into an evil stepmother. However, she will get her chance at redemption. Thank you!

 **MathiMth –** Thanks a lot! I know I can be mean sometimes, but it's fun to have some ups and downs in the story, isn't it? ;) I'm glad you loved the chapter, and let me know what you think about this chapter!

 **XxthecornykittyxX –** Thanks a bunch! I'm glad you liked the chapter! Agreed! Even though the story is MerDer, it's good to see some of the other characters pop in from time to time too. Hope you liked this update!

 **BoxingTheStars812 –** Thank you! I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the chapter! Hope you got some of your answers in this chapter. More is on the way!

 **A.M –** Thank you for your kind words! They made my day and night! I know that you didn't get to see Library Guy's point of view in this chapter, but it's coming up in the next one, I promise. Amelia will be popping up from time to time too! You don't know how happy you made me with your kind words. Thank you! And as far as replying to reviews is concerned, I love replying to all the reviews and interacting with all my readers. It's so wonderful to sort of engage in a conversation with them and exchange points of view :) Let me know what you think of this chapter!

 **Cindy –** Thanks a bunch! Hope I gave you enough MerDer in this chapter! I'm extremely gratified to know that you are so invested in my story. I know this chapter was not my best work till date, but I hope you liked it anyway! More is on the way! :)

 **msnovelist –** Thank you so much! I know I am mean, I know ;) I am glad that you like how the story is going. And it's okay that you didn't review chap 5; life gets busy, I understand. However, if you review this chapter, I will love you forever! :D

 **Ellen –** Thank you for the lovely review! You are right, Meredith needs to be a little more confident about herself, and that change will be happening in this story. In fact, your review just gave me a bunch of cool ideas, so thank you for that! This is why I love readers and reviewers; each reader brings something new to the table and gives me more and more ideas about how to develop the story. And agreed! I made Susan a real witch in this story, but she will get her chance at redemption. Until then...Let me know what you think! :)

 **Melinda –** Thanks so much for the wonderful review! Your kind words made my day! I'm glad you love this AU so much! Hope you liked this chapter!

 **unnamedconspirator –** Thank you! I'm glad that I was able to pique your interest despite the fact that you don't read AU stories. Thanks!

 **scenescaptured –** Thank you so much! I'm glad you think so. More is on the way!

 **Obstinate headstrong girl –** Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Lizzy! Your review brightened up my wintry day! Mark is on his way to coming to his senses. And no problem about replying to your review. I love engaging in conversations with my readers; it gives me great joy to exchange ideas with them. So, if you have any ideas/suggestions or anything, feel free to go ahead and tell me. And of course, let me know what you think!

 **Priscilla –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, Priscilla! I'm glad that you are so invested in this story, and looks like your wish just got granted. Well, sort of, since Meredith and Derek went out on their very first date. Whether there will be a second date is still a question, but oh well...And as far as reviews are concerned, I hope you understand why I do that. I love receiving feedback from my readers, and it seems to me that this is the only way. Hope you understand! Let me know what you think! :)

 **funkmama13 –** Thank you! Looks like you got your answers in this chapter ;) Agreed! This Meredith is way more sensitive, and we have to wait and see if Library Guy plays with her heart or shows her what love is like. Thanks!

 **Camilla –** Thanks a lot! I'm happy to hear that you like this story so much! More is on the way!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Happy New Year! With the beginning of 2016, here's something to new hopes and dreams. I'd have posted this chapter a week earlier, but my grandmother passed away a week ago and my family is going through a tough time right now. Hence my updating schedule was thrown off. Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Derek Shepherd couldn't sleep. It was almost midnight, but sleep was eluding Derek. He just couldn't sleep. He kicked his feet under the blankets and turned around in bed, his eyes glancing to the clock sitting on the bedside table. 12:05, the red digits shone in the pitch-black darkness. Derek let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand over his face. The same thing had been happening to him for a week now. He lay in bed at night, tossing and turning, but failed to catch some sleep until the wee hours of the morning. The same old thing for a whole week now, and it was getting tiresome and all kinds of annoying. Ever since his breakfast date with his Library Girl, sleep had said goodbye to him.

Not that his date with Library Girl – Meredith – had gone badly. In fact, in his entire life of 25 years, it had most probably been the most amazing date of Derek's life. Meredith had been...She had been everything he had imagined her to be and then some. She had been like a breath of fresh air – refreshing, soothing, relaxing. He had enjoyed every minute he had spent with her. She was nothing like the girls he had dated in the past. Not even close. And that was why Derek had lost his sleep. Because Meredith was different, and that scared Derek shitless.

Derek did not scare easily, but what he felt for Meredith scared him. He liked Meredith, _really liked_ Meredith. He was not just physically attracted to her, there was something more. But, he was not the commitment type of guy. He was the type of guy who didn't date the same girl for more than two months. He was the type of guy who only did casual flings, not serious relationships. He was the type of guy who broke a girl's heart when she started to get attached to him. He didn't do serious, long term relationships. He didn't do dating and falling in love. And that was why he hadn't dared to ring Meredith up since their breakfast date a week ago. He had sat with the flimsy napkin in his hand every night for the past week, thinking about calling Meredith and talking to her – asking her out on a second date, but he had chickened out every single time.

He didn't do serious relationships, and getting involved with Meredith would either entail a serious relationship or breaking her heart. He couldn't do the former, because he was not alone. He had Amy to think about, to care for. He couldn't give another girl more priority in his life, not while Amy was still in college. And he couldn't break Meredith's heart either, because Meredith was different. She was not like the other girls and he was sure that breaking her heart would do him in too. He didn't want to hurt Meredith in any way, let alone do something like breaking her heart, period.

So, caught in the crossfire of his own thoughts, Derek lay awake every night, humming and hawing about what to do. He had never thought that he'd find himself in such a strange situation. He had never really planned on liking, deeply liking a girl. His situation was strange. Because, any outsider would think that the situation was simple enough and needed no second thought. But, from Derek's viewpoint, the situation was far more complicated and tangled up. Hence Derek was at a loss for what to do. Times like these made him wish that his mom was still alive. Or that his dad was not his dad, but a normal, good dad.

Derek could usually talk to Amy about everything, but this was not something he could talk to Amy about. However, he was in dire need of advice - that he was sure of.

Sighing, Derek turned around and breathed out loudly. He needed to forget about whether he should call Library Girl or not and go to sleep. Because he had work the next day, and he needed to be alert and active at work. He couldn't be tired out and drowsy, dozing off. He couldn't be sleep deprived at work. No, he needed to sleep. Everything else would have to wait, at least till the next day.

* * *

The next day, Derek walked up to Tim's room in the hospice with his lunch tray in his hands. He was sure that his eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed due to the lack of sleep and he would kill to get a bed to sleep on at the moment. However, as he entered Tim's room, he stretched his lips into a smile and greeted his favourite old man.

"Hey, old man. How are you today?" Derek asked as he set the tray of food on the bedside table and pulled out a chair.

"I'm good. I'm always good," Tim said with a broad smile, "But, you tell me. What's wrong with you?"

Derek's smile faded as he looked up at Tim in shock. "M – Me? What's wrong with me? Nothing, nothing..." Derek said, lowering his gaze.

"Tut, tut," Tim said, shaking his head. "Don't lie to me, Derek Shepherd. I thought we were friends, and friends tell each other everything, right? I have been watching you for a week now. Something's wrong. Tell me. As a friend."

Derek sat down on the chair and ran his hand through his hair with a sigh. He would be lying if he said that he hadn't been itching to talk to Tim about his date with Meredith. But, Tim had been admitted to the hospital only a month ago, and Derek didn't want to burden Tim with his woes. However, with the gentle push from Tim, Derek couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

"I...I went on a breakfast date with Library Girl," Derek said, his lips automatically stretching into a small, fond smile at the memory.

Tim's eyes widened and he grinned. "Derek, that's amazing! So, you finally managed to grow a pair and ask her out? Attaboy!"

"No, actually...She was the one who asked me out," Derek rejoined with a sheepish smile.

Tim furrowed his eyebrows. "At least, she has the guts to speak her mind then. That makes one of you," he said with a small laugh. "Why are so distraught then? The date didn't go well? She was not what you expected?"

Derek shook his head quickly. "No, no, that's not...The date went very well. She was...She was amazing. I was completely at ease while talking to her. I felt like I had known her for years. Meredith was...She was great," Derek said, smiling.

"Meredith," Tim said, "So that's your Library Girl's name. It's a beautiful name. So, if the date went well, what's the problem then?"

"I..." Derek said and then paused, trying to find the right words. "Tim, you know that I don't do serious relationships, right? I don't do the whole committing to a girl thing and...You know that. I just...I don't want Meredith to be one of my casual flings because I know that there's something more than that and...and...I don't want to hurt Meredith. But, I don't do serious relationships either. I am not making any sense, am I?" Derek asked.

"You are making sense to me," Tim said and then looked Derek in the eye. "You don't do serious relationships, but you want Meredith to be more than a casual fling. Now, as far as I remember, the reason you don't do serious relationships is Amelia."

Derek nodded silently, waiting for Tim to continue.

"But, Amelia is pretty grown up now, Derek. She's in college, she is engaged to a good man – a man she loves and a man you have known since your college days. She has got her life on the right track. I don't understand why you can't have a serious relationship because of Amelia anymore."

Derek sighed and murmured, "I know that. I know all of that. But, no matter how grown up Amy is, she will always be my baby sister. I am her big brother, Tim. I am all she has. I can't become so caught up in my own love life that I forget to protect my baby sister."

"And you won't!" Tim exclaimed rather forcefully. "You won't forget to love and protect your sister if you go out and have a life of your own, Derek. You will still be her overprotective big brother. You will just be a happier, non-single overprotective big brother."

"But...but," Derek said, "I can't give another girl more priority in my life, Tim. I did that once and I ended up neglecting Amy!"

"Oh, that's bologna!" Tim barked. "You didn't neglect Amy. Amy was just too young to understand that her big brother can have a life of his own. How old was she when she said that she felt neglected? Nine? Ten? She is grown up now. She understands that you have a right to be happy too. If anything, Amy will be happy when she hears that you have finally found a girl for yourself. Don't you think she wants to see her big brother happy too, just like you want to see her happy? It's not a choice between your family and your love life, Derek. Yes, the circumstances you grew up in made it that way, but it doesn't have to be that way anymore. You need to stop sacrificing your life for the sake of your sister's. And I am pretty sure that she understands that too." Tim paused and took in deep breaths to regain his composure after his lengthy monologue.

Derek didn't say anything to Tim. He let Tim's words sink in as Tim regained his composure.

"Derek, if you are having a hard time believing me, then I think you should go and talk to Amelia about it. Hear it for yourself. Trust me, she wants you to be happy in your life too," Tim murmured in a softer tone.

Silence descended over the duo as Derek ruminated on Tim's words. Maybe, Tim was right. Maybe, he could give his and Meredith's...whatever it was a shot. Amy was happy and in love now. She wouldn't...He wouldn't be neglecting Amy if he gave Meredith and his thing a shot, would he?

Finally, after a long, long minute, Derek looked up with a tiny smile and said, "Okay, I will think about it and tell you what I decide. Thanks, Tim. Thank you for listening to me, for the advice and for...everything. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be lost without me," Tim said with a smug grin as Derek stood up and set the lunch tray in front of Tim. "Think about it, Derek. You have a right to be happy in your life too," Tim added on a serious note as he placed a shaky hand on Derek's shoulder.

"I will. Now that I have delayed your lunch with all the talks of my woes, here," Derek said, motioning to the food. "Eat, or they will fire me if they find out I kept you from your lunch," Derek joked.

"Oh, come on. You know that emotionally, I can run rings around men like you, don't you?" Tim said with a chortle.

"Oh, believe me, I know," Derek said with a chuckle of his own as Tim started his lunch.

* * *

Derek waited outside the large building called Seattle Public Library patiently in his red shirt, black jeans and black jacket. He tapped his foot as he glanced at his wrist watch. He could hardly wait. After a week of agonizing worry, he could hardly wait. He had finally taken Tim's advice and called Meredith that afternoon, asking her to meet him outside the Seattle Public Library. He had apologized to her about not calling her earlier, but she had brushed it off and agreed to meet him quite cheerfully. Yet, as Derek stood outside the library, he didn't know why he felt so nervous. Nervous and doubtful about whether Meredith was actually going to come.

Not that he didn't believe Meredith. After all, Meredith had said that she was going to meet him outside the library in the evening. But, Derek still felt jittery. He hadn't called Meredith for a week after their first date. What must Meredith be thinking of him? She must have thought that he wasn't interested or something like that. She must have thought that he was one of those guys who went on a date with a girl and then never called. Which was totally not true because he had called. He had called, even if he had probably been a little late in doing that. But, he had called, so that had to count, right?

Derek jammed his hands into his pockets and waited, trying not to go crazy over it. Meredith was going to come. She had said that she was going to come. She wouldn't ditch him. Or she could ditch him, as payback for not calling for a week. But, Derek hoped and prayed and wished that she wouldn't ditch him. He had finally forgotten the risk and taken the fall. So, she had to come. She just had to.

As Derek waited, a taxicab pulled up to the kerb and the door of the passenger's seat opened. Derek's heart jumped into his mouth when his eyes landed on Meredith stepping out of the cab in a casual sweater and jeans. He breathed in relief as he watched Meredith pay the driver and the driver whisked the cab away.

"Hey," Meredith murmured as she walked up to him with a coy smile on her lips.

"Hey," Derek said back, a smile of relief and happiness spreading out on his face. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Meredith said, wringing her hands as she went and stood next to him. "How are you?"

"Good," Derek said, letting his eyes sweep over Meredith's form quickly. She was wearing a lavender V-neck sweater that fitted her to a T. Her hair was down, falling in gentle curls over her shoulders. Her face was make-up free as always, but for a hint of lip gloss on her lips. "You look beautiful," Derek said, unable to help it.

He watched as Meredith's cheeks pinked and she looked down at her feet, a small smile playing on her lips. "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself," she said in a soft voice, so soft that Derek might not have heard her.

"Thanks," Derek said and cleared his throat. "I – uhm – I am sorry I didn't call you all week. I just," Derek paused, thinking about what to say to her. He couldn't say to her, "I didn't call you because I don't do serious relationships and so I was having doubts about this thing with us." That would just...That would nip whatever they had in the bud and that would be it. So, after a minute, Derek said, "I just got crazy busy with work and everything and...I just got busy and burned-out. Yeah."

Meredith looked up at him and shook her head. "Don't – don't worry about it. I mean, I did wonder for a while why you didn't call me, but I figured that you were either really really busy or you probably didn't want anything to do with me or –"Meredith stopped midway, a look of horror on her face that made it clear that she had given the matter a lot of thought but she hadn't meant to let it slip in front of him. "I – I shouldn't have...I didn't think about it all that much," she said quickly, trying to cover up her slip of tongue as her cheeks turned crimson. "I was busy too. Really really busy. Very busy and so...Yeah, definitely didn't think about why you hadn't called me."

Derek wanted to laugh, but he didn't. She would probably take it the wrong way. He didn't want to laugh _at_ her; she was just too damn adorable when she blushed and rambled like that. So damn adorable. But, he couldn't help but feel guilty either. He had probably sent out the message that he wasn't interested in her. She had worked up the guts to ask him out first, and he had repaid by not calling her for a week. That definitely sent out the wrong signal. And all he knew now was that he had to make it up to her. Make her believe that he was definitely very very interested in her.

"Ok," he said gently, resisting the urge to take her hand. "So, you ready to go?"

"Yeah," Meredith said. "Though, you still haven't told me where you are taking me," she said with a giggle as Derek led the way to his car.

"Ah, that," Derek said, "as I told you, is a surprise. I hope you trust me enough to come along with me. I promise you won't regret it."

"Well," Meredith said, sitting on the shotgun seat, "As long as you are not an axe murderer who takes girls to unknown places to kill them, I think we should be fine." She giggled as she watched the look on Derek's face.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Derek said with a chuckle, revelling in her melodious giggle. "I can assure you that I am not an axe murderer and I definitely don't have an axe with me."

"Good, then," Meredith said as Derek started the car and drove along the busy streets of Seattle.

* * *

"Where are we?" Meredith asked in an inquisitive voice as she stepped out of Derek's car in a lonely, desolate looking place.

"We are on a piece of land," Derek said cryptically, causing Meredith to giggle.

"I know that we are on a piece of land. It's quite obvious," Meredith said, "But, where are we? As in what place is this?"

"You'll know in a few minutes," Derek said as he came up to her and after a moment of hesitation, he reached out to her and took her hand gently in his. "We have to walk a bit from here. Shall we go?" he asked, wondering if she would pull her hand away from his. He had definitely felt her body tense when his skin had touched hers.

Meredith stared at him for a moment before grasping his hand firmly, the skin-to-skin contact sending a delicious chill down Derek's spine. "Let's go," she said in a relaxed voice, making Derek wonder if she had felt that chill too.

The duo started to walk down a trail in comfortable, companionable silence. Derek kept glancing at Meredith from time to time, unable to help looking at her. The trees around them stood tall and proud, and as the wind blew, the treetops seemed to be bowing to the duo. After a good few minutes of silent walking, the twosome finally reached a clearing.

Derek led Meredith through the clearing to the edge of a cliff, and he smiled automatically when he heard her soft gasp from beside. From the top of the cliff, they had a clear, unbroken view of the entire city of Seattle and the Elliot Bay. The city lights sparkled like tiny stars beneath them in the darkness of the night.

"Derek, this is...Wow..." Meredith whispered, her eyes glued to the incredibly beautiful view stretching in front of her.

"You like it?" Derek asked, averting his eyes from the view to look at Meredith's face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, but her eyes were sparkling like two stars as she looked at the view with her mouth agape. She was a sight to behold too.

"Like it?" Meredith murmured, not averting her eyes from the view. "Derek, I love this! This is...This is amazing and beautiful and...I have no words, and I'm usually a very wordy person," she said with a soft laugh.

"It does that, doesn't it? Makes you speechless?"

Meredith nodded her head as she finally tore her eyes away from the view to look at Derek. "I – you – how did you find this place?"

Derek looked down to his and Meredith's entwined hands as he replied, "I love hiking. And I have been living in Seattle all my life, so I know a lot of hidden hiking trails here. But, this place...My dad brought me here when I was five. I fell in love with the place immediately. Since then, I come here for hiking whenever I feel like it." A fond smile spread out on Derek's face as he remembered those happy childhood days, when his mom had still been alive and his dad had still been a loving, doting father.

Meredith noticed Derek's glassy eyes and kept quiet for a few minutes. He seemed to be in the middle of remembering something happy. She bit her lower lip and hesitated a bit, before throwing caution to the wind and giving his hand a small squeeze.

The squeeze brought Derek back to the present and he immediately blinked his tears away as he looked at Meredith with a smile. "There is a lake here too. I love fishing, so I come here to fish sometimes. I will show you the lake later on," he said, changing the topic and Meredith realized that Derek didn't really want to talk about his dad anymore.

"Okay," she said with a soft smile.

"You know, if I ever become a published writer, the first thing I wanna do is buy this piece of land and build a house here," Derek said.

"That'd be awesome," Meredith said with a grin. "I'd be so envious of you then, because not only would you be a published writer but also have a house here," she said, waving her free hand to gesture to the land, "and I'd still be living with my mom and dad."

"You still live with your parents?" Derek asked.

"Yeah..."Meredith said in a small voice. "I just...Not enough money to pay the rent for an apartment and so...yeah," she said, looking down. "I know it sounds like I am still in high school, but..."

"Hey," Derek said, squeezing her hand, "I am not judging you. I am sorry if it came across like that, but I am definitely not judging you. So what if you still live with your parents? It's nothing to be ashamed of. I used to live with my sister until she moved in with her boyfriend, so I am definitely not judging."

Meredith looked up to Derek with a smile on her face. What was it about this guy that made her feel completely at ease and a little unashamed of living with her parents? "Thanks," she said with a grateful smile. "So...Are we gonna be just standing here or what?"

"Oh, I left the blankets and the food in the car. You stay here and wait for me. I'll go and bring the things. Don't move," Derek said with a smile as he left her hand and started to walk backwards.

"Okay, I will not move," Meredith said with a giggle as Derek gave her a wink before disappearing in the darkness of the night.

* * *

After about twenty minutes, Meredith and Derek were seated on a medium-sized blanket spread on the ground, and Derek was taking out their dinner.

"I hope you like Italian takeaway, because that's what I brought for dinner," Derek said as he took out two paper plates.

"Italian is my favourite, so you don't have to worry," Meredith said, "If you had brought Chinese takeaway though, it'd have been a different story."

"You don't like Chinese?"

"I hate Chinese," Meredith said with a look of disgust. "It's absolutely gross and makes me gag."

Upon hearing that, Derek suddenly remembered that he had read in Diary Girl's diary that she hated Chinese too. What a rare coincidence, he thought. "Well," he said, "You are the second person I know who hates Chinese."

"Really? Who is the first?" Meredith asked, arching an eyebrow as Derek served the pasta on the plates.

Derek shrugged. For some reason, he didn't feel like sharing Diary Girl's story with Meredith yet, no matter how comfortable he felt with Meredith or how much he liked her. No, Diary Girl was his secret, and he wasn't about to share his secret with anyone yet. "No one in particular. Just an old friend," he said in what he hoped was a nonchalant voice.

"Old friend or old girlfriend?" Meredith asked, giggling as she watched the look on Derek's face. "Oh, don't sweat it. I was just kidding," she said.

"Okay," Derek said, not knowing why his heart had sped up like crazy on hearing Meredith use the term "girlfriend" with reference to Diary Girl. Diary Girl was definitely not his girlfriend. How could she be? All he had was her diary. He didn't even know her name. Diaries didn't make people his girlfriend.

"Oh, Derek, look! A shooting star!" Meredith suddenly exclaimed, looking at the night sky.

Derek turned his eyes towards the sky just in time to see a shooting star flying across the sky.

"Quick, make a wish," Meredith said in an excited voice as she closed her eyes and started to make a wish.

Derek gazed at Meredith's face for a moment, before closing his eyes and making a wish too. He wished that he could meet Diary Girl in person one day. After finishing his wish, Derek opened his eyes and took his Polaroid camera out of his bag. As Meredith opened her eyes, Derek quickly snapped a Polaroid of her with his camera.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed in surprise, caught off guard. "What – you...?" she said as she took in the Polaroid camera and the photograph in his hands.

"I'm keeping this," Derek said, waving her photo in front of her with a smirk plastered on his face.

"You can't take pictures of me all of a sudden like that," Meredith grumbled, crossing her arms, "That's not fair. I wasn't ready. And do you always bring your Polaroid camera with you on dates?"

Derek laughed as he carefully placed his camera and Meredith's photo inside his bag. "I take my Polaroid camera with me everywhere I go, and snap pictures of random strangers or scenes just like that," he said.

"Just like that? Of anyone or anything?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"No, not of anyone or anything. Just pictures of people or things worth remembering," Derek said, looking into her eyes. "People who...who captivate me...I captivate them with my camera," he murmured, gazing deeply into Meredith's eyes.

"People who...captivate you..." Meredith whispered, her gaze lowering to his lips.

"Yes," Derek whispered, his eyes falling to her lips too. Involuntarily, he leaned towards her and Meredith shivered. Her eyes fell shut as their lips were only inches apart. Derek took in her closed eyes once, before closing his own eyes and closing the small distance between their lips. He pressed his lips to hers softly, tentatively at first, before pulling back slightly and pressing his lips to hers once again, firmly this time.

A cool breeze blew and Meredith shivered. But, she was sure that her shiver had nothing to do with the breeze and had everything to do with Derek's warm, soft lips pressed firmly against hers. It was her first kiss, and she had no idea what to do except what she had seen on TV. Gathering a bit of courage, she opened her mouth slightly and pressed her parted lips to Derek's, deepening the kiss. Derek took her invitation and softly brushed her lips with his tongue, causing Meredith to gasp and cup his left cheek with her palm.

Derek pulled back from her slightly, breathless and panting. He looked into Meredith's sparkling green orbs, his lips still tingling from the soft, gentle kiss.

"Wow..." Meredith whispered, touching her lips with her fingers, still unable to believe that Derek had kissed her – that she had just experienced her very first kiss.

"Wow?" Derek asked with a breathy chuckle.

"Oh, I – um..." Meredith stuttered, looking down as a blush crept up on her cheeks. She was a moron. What kind of idiot said 'wow' after a kiss? She was officially an idiot, and now, Derek knew it too.

"Wow describes it quite perfectly, doesn't it?" Derek said, giving her a lopsided smile. "Wow..." he echoed, causing Meredith to forget her initial mortification as she giggled.

"Wow," she repeated, mirroring Derek's smile. Just then, her stomach rumbled and Derek chortled.

"I agree that it was a wow kiss, but I think our stomachs are craving our wow dinner now," Derek said, and Meredith laughed loudly.

"I agree completely," Meredith said as she picked up her plate and the duo started to eat their dinner as the night sky, the moon and the stars gazed from above.

* * *

 **One week ago:-**

Lexie stepped out of her car in front of Café Presse – the place where she had asked Mark to meet her. Taking off her sunglasses, she walked inside the café and spotted Mark sitting at a table in one corner of the café. She walked up to the table and Mark stood up to greet her.

"Hey," Mark said as Lexie approached the table and pulled out a chair.

"Hey," Lexie said in a curt tone, sitting down on the chair.

"Lexie, I am sorr –"Mark started to say, but Lexie raised her hand to stop him.

"Mark, I don't want to listen to your sorries anymore," Lexie interjected, "You have made it aptly clear how sorry you are."

Mark lapsed into silence. However, Lexie went on. "I thought a lot about what you said last night," Lexie said, looking down at a spot on the table. "And I am not going to sugar-coat things for you. I'm mad at you. I'm beyond mad at you. Even if I do believe your story that that other girl kissed you and there was nothing on your part, I'm still mad at you."

Mark couldn't speak. He was at a loss for words. He just stared at Lexie, hanging on to her every word.

"But," Lexie said after a pause, "I do believe in second chances and forgiveness. And...I think you deserve a second chance. I think I can give you a second chance."

A look of relief spread over Mark's facial features, but Lexie didn't let it last for long.

"I think I can forgive you, but eventually. Not right now. I – I need some time to...get over what you did. So, I want you to give me some time. Some space. Don't push me to forgive you. I want to do it in my own time," Lexie murmured.

"Lexie," Mark finally spoke, "What are you saying?"

"I am saying that we should stop this... whatever we had going on, for a while," Lexie said, not meeting Mark's gaze.

Neither Mark nor Lexie spoke after that, and Lexie let out an inaudible sigh. She had made this decision after a lot of overnight rumination. Amelia Shepherd had been right. Lexie was tired of being just Mark's fuck buddy. She wanted more with him. She wanted to be his girlfriend. She wanted to be his eventual fiancée. She wanted to be his eventual wife. She just wanted more with Mark. But, Mark was not ready to give her what she wanted. He just wanted to screw her. And whether Lexie wanted to admit it or not, it was slowly killing her. Being with Mark yet not fully having him was killing Lexie. It was causing her more pain than being without Mark would cause her. And so, Lexie was putting an end to it. She was putting her foot down and walking away from him. If Mark loved her, or even cared for like she did, he'd realize that and come back to her. And if he didn't come back...Well, then Lexie would at least get an answer, once and for all.

When Mark continued to remain mum, Lexie took his silence for wordless acceptance. Maybe, Mark wasn't as sorry as he claimed to be, after all. Maybe, she didn't really matter that much to him. Maybe, she was only a fuck buddy to him and nothing more. As the realization hit her, Lexie tried to fight back tears that had sprung to her eyes. Blinking quickly, she tried not to cry as she stood up wordlessly and proceeded to leave.

As Lexie turned around to leave, Mark caught her arm from behind, causing Lexie to freeze.

"Lexie," Mark said in a thick voice, "Please, don't do this. Don't end us like this. You – you can't do this to us."

Lexie opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a word, Mark said, "Lexie, please don't walk away from my life like this. I – I need you. I need you in my life. I...Lexie, I love you."

Lexie's mouth fell open. Her eyes widened in shock. No, that couldn't be...Had she heard it right?

* * *

 **A/N: A small Slexie cliff, and no cliff for MerDer...yet ;) And Meredith's first kiss! Reminds me of "Never Been Kissed," well, kind of. I don't have much to say about this chapter. I'll leave the talking part to you.**

 **Reviews mean the world to me and they'll be a beacon light for me in this time of grief, so... Leave your cheers, jeers, rants, raves and reviews!**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **bhavyam1998 –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you think so. I know this update was a bit of tardy, but hope you let me know what you think!

 **Obstinate headstrong girl –** Thank you! Your review was like a Christmas present too :) I know that Mark and Lexie didn't exactly work things out in this chapter, but their relationship took a great leap. I loved your suggestion of letting Mark and Derek talk about these events, and I'm going to incorporate it in future chapters. So, thanks for the review and the idea! And Happy New Year! :)

 **mariemarie22 –** Thank you! I'm glad I was able to make you happy. Hope you liked this chapter! More is on the way!

 **funkmama13 –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I understand why you are PO'ed at Amy, but as you guessed, she was really young when she said it and thought that she had to share her big brother. As far as Owen is concerned, don't worry – he will get his role too. Once the Slexie drama tones down a bit, Omelia drama will start! ;) And there, I gave you a fair warning about what is going to come. Lexie did consider giving Mark a second chance, but their relationship took a great leap in this chapter. Let me know what you think! And Happy New Year!

 **RhizOneill –** Thank you! I'm happy that you think so. More is on the way!

 **XxthecornykittyxX –** Thanks a bunch! Lexie is hurt and angry, and I agree with you that she is overreacting a tad about it. But, we can't really blame her, can we? She wanted to tell Mark about her feelings, and instead she had to witness that. But, I promise I'll fix them soon. Hope you let me know what you think of this chapter! Thank you :)

 **ButterflyWhisperer –** Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you loved the chapter. More is on the way!

 **snv3 –** Thank you! I'm glad you liked their date, and I hope I was able to provide some insight into Derek's mind. More is on the way, promise!

 **Priscilla –** Thank you! I'm happy you think so. More is on the way!

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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for my tardiness, but I'm really frustrated with this site right now. This chapter was going to be posted a week earlier, but for some reason, every time I posted the chapter, it showed up on the site in such a garbled way that I finally gave up. I know it led to a lot of confusion among the readers, so sorry for that! I think the site had it in for me last week. Anyway, on to the chapter now!**

 **P.S. I'm re-posting this chapter due to low review count. The low review count has severely demotivated me. I will update again only if we hit the 250 mark. So, please, leave a review!**

* * *

Meredith Grey was sure she had never been more scared, confused and timorous. Not even when Derek hadn't called her for a week after their breakfast date and she had been sure that he was never going to call her. And that was a big deal. Because, she had been really scared when she had kept waiting for Derek's call but it hadn't come for an entire week. An entire week. Which had led her to believe that Derek had never been interested in her in the first place, and had said yes to her for coffee only out of politeness.

But then, Derek had hit her up, and she had been beyond relieved and happy. She had been jumping with joy when he had asked her to meet him in front of the library. She had all but danced her way to the library. But now – now she was even more scared, and it was not because Derek had not called her. No, it was the other way around.

This time, her problem was not Derek not calling her. This time, her problem was that Derek had called her. Yep, that was pretty much the entire problem.

As Meredith sat on her bed, contemplating on what to do, she subconsciously reached for the little black notebook sitting on her night table. The stranger's diary. It had become a drug for Meredith. A drug that she was seriously addicted to. A drug whose fix she needed every night before going to bed, and lately, even at random periods during the day. She didn't know when she had become so attached to the little inanimate object, but she wholeheartedly believed that it was not a bad thing. She laughed when she read certain diary entries, she cried when she read certain others, and some diary entries just made her smile and reflect on...things. So, she was sure that it was not a bad thing, because reading the diary made her think, and thinking, was definitely not bad.

Maybe, it'd help her think this time too. Maybe, reading the diary would help her get rid of her nerves and actually think of something to do. Opening the diary, Meredith started to read.

"Mer?"

Meredith all but jumped out of her bed as she snapped the diary shut and quickly hid it under her pillow. Looking up, she saw Lexie poking her head around the door of the room.

"Lex, hey," Meredith said in a shaky voice. She had yet to tell Lexie that she was reading the stranger's diary. When Lexie had said that she should read the diary, Meredith had promptly rejected the idea, saying things like "invasion of privacy" and whatnot. If Lexie found out that Meredith was reading the diary now, she would go crazy. So, it was better that Lexie didn't find out about Meredith's little secret.

"Hey," Lexie said as she walked inside and shut the door. "Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, me? No – nothing," Meredith said, shoving the diary further under the pillow.

"Nothing?" Lexie said, sitting down on the bed. "How can you do nothing? You had to be doing something."

"Nope. Just...just thinking," Meredith replied in a more composed voice.

"About?" Lexie said, raising her eyebrows playfully.

"Uh – I – about...I don't know," Meredith said, not meeting Lexie's gaze.

"Mer...You are hiding something from me," Lexie said in a firm voice.

"Hiding? Why would I hide something from you?"

"Hmm...Let's see...What happened to your Library Guy? With my own love life being an entire mess, I completely forgot that you were going to ask Library Guy out on a date," Lexie said, wiggling her eyebrows, "And you took advantage of that."

Meredith scooted closer to her sister and said, "Lexie...No. I didn't take advantage of your situation. I just...I didn't want to rub it in your face when you were going through a difficult time..."

"Well, I'm not going through a difficult time anymore. You can tell me what happened now," Lexie answered with a wide grin. "So, tell me, did you ask him out? What did he say? Did he say yes? Where did you guys go? What's his name?"

"Lex...One question at a time, please," Meredith said with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

"Okay, okay," Lexie said, raising her hands in defeat. "Let's start with his name, then."

"His name is Derek. Derek Shepherd," Meredith said, a smile touching her lips instantly.

"I'm listening," Lexie said, resting her chin on her hands.

"I asked him out to coffee," Meredith said, "and he said yes. He took me to a café and we had breakfast together."

"Oh my God, Mer! Your first date!" Lexie exclaimed, clapping her hands to her mouth. "Why didn't you tell me about it? God, I can't believe you have been sitting on that for...who knows how long?"

"Only two weeks, Lex."

"Two freaking weeks?" Lexie asked in disbelief. "How did you manage to keep quiet for so long? I thought you told me everything," she said with a pout.

"I do," Meredith said, "I do tell you everything, Lex. But, with the whole thing with Mark...I didn't want to rub my first date in your face. You'd have done the same thing."

"I know, Mer," Lexie said, "Relax, I was just kidding. So, how was your first date? On a scale of 1 – 10?"

"10 on 10," Meredith said with a fond smile. "It was amazing and perfect and...just perfect. We talked for hours, and we talked so freely. And I didn't knock things down or fidget or anything. I wasn't a total klutz around him like I am around other guys. I talked with him like I talk with you. Completely carefree and natural. And we talked for two hours, Lex. Two hours, and we didn't run out of things to say to each other. It was like I had known him my entire life," Meredith finished gushing.

Lexie grinned widely and said, "Mer, he sounds like a great guy! He sounds perfect for you. I can't express how happy I am."

"Thanks, Lex," Meredith said, hugging her sister.

"So...Has he called since then?" Lexie asked inquisitively.

Meredith bit her lower lip and hesitated. She knew that once she told Lexie about the even more amazing second date and her very first kiss, Lexie was going to go bananas. And it wouldn't be Lexie's fault either. Meredith herself had been dancing all the way home from her and Derek's second date, thinking about the kiss and giggling like crazy. And she had been dancing for days after that. Until that call. The call that had caused Meredith to lose her night's sleep.

"Um...Yes, he did," Meredith said softly, "We went out on a second date too."

"What?" Lexie said, standing up. "You went out on a second date with Library Guy and still didn't tell me?"

"Lexie..." Meredith tried to say, but Lexie interjected.

"Don't Lexie me," Lexie said, placing her hands on her hips. "Going out on the first date and not telling me was okay. But, going out on a second date and not telling me? So not okay, Meredith Grey. For all I know, you have already kissed your Library Guy and not told me about it."

Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. Lexie's eyes widened with shock and her mouth fell open.

"Oh my God, you...you have kissed him?!"

Meredith only looked down in response.

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey," Lexie said in a stern voice, "Whom did I first tell about my first crush?"

"Me," Meredith said in a feeble voice.

"Whom did I first tell about my first date?"

"Me," Meredith repeated in an even softer voice.

"Whom did I first tell about my first kiss?"

"Me, but..."

"Whom did I first tell about me losing my virginity?"

"Me," Meredith replied.

"And you! You went out on your first date, had your first kiss, and didn't bother to tell me about it until I poked and prodded you! If I hadn't asked you about it today, who knows whether you would have told me about it at all...You...I...I feel so betrayed right now," Lexie said.

"Lex," Meredith said, getting up and wrapping her arms around her sister. "I am sorry. I am so sorry I didn't tell you about all this earlier. I was just...unsure, because of the whole Mark thing. I didn't want to..."

"Rub it in my face," Lexie finished for Meredith. "I get that, Mer, I do. But it has been two weeks since the whole Mark thing. I'm more than okay now. You could have at least told me a week ago," she said, shaking her head.

"I wanted to!" Meredith said, pulling back from Lexie. "I really really really wanted to! I was itching to tell you, but...I - I'm a stupidhead! A big, fat stupidhead," Meredith said.

Unable to help it, Lexie broke out into a giggle. "Mer...You are not a stupidhead," she said, pulling her elder sister into a hug.

"But I am," Meredith said, hugging Lexie back.

"No, you are not," Lexie said. "And you are definitely not fat. Besides, who uses the word 'stupidhead' anymore?"

"I do. 'Cause I am one," Meredith replied.

"No, Mer...I'm sorry I went apeshit like that. I just felt like you were keeping things from me. We don't keep things from each other, remember?"

"No, we don't," Meredith said, pulling back from the hug with a wan smile. Meredith hadn't even told Lexie that she was reading the stranger's diary. So much for not keeping things from Lexie. "You don't know what a huge burden has been lifted off my chest now that I've told you about Library Guy and our dates."

"So, how was the first kiss?"

"Wow," Meredith said with a giggle, recalling her and Derek's confabulation that night.

"Wow?" Lexie asked, giggling.

"Yep. Wow. No other word to describe it."

"Mer, I am really happy for you. You two sound like you are really getting along," Lexie said with a huge grin.

"We are...Except..." Meredith huffed and sat down on the bed.

"Except?" Lexie queried, sitting down beside her.

"He called me yesterday, Lexie," Meredith said, "And he invited me to dinner at his place."

"So?" Lexie asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"So..." Meredith said, "Lex, it's going to be our third date."

"And that's great, Mer. Generally, if a guy asks you out on a third date, it's a good sign. It means he is totally into you," Lexie said with a big smile.

"I know that!" Meredith exclaimed testily. "I know I haven't dated before, but I'm not that naive."

"Mer," Lexie said, placing her hands on Meredith's shoulders, "I don't perceive any problem here."

"Lexieeee..." Meredith said as she stood up and started pacing. "The third date, Lexie. I might have never dated before, but I know things. And the third date is when...when..."

"When?"

"Ahhhh! When you do the nasty nasty!" Meredith blurted out.

Lexie's eyes widened for a split second, before she stood up and grinned. "Mer! I didn't even think of it! You are finally going to get laid!"

"What?!" Meredith exclaimed, her mouth agape. "Lexie, no! I can't have sex with Derek!"

"Why not?" Lexie asked, knitting her eyebrows together in confusion.

"Because...because..." Meredith fumbled for the right words before saying, "Because, I like Derek. I do. But, I'm not ready to have sex with him yet."

"Mer...If you really like a guy, you should want to have sex with him, right? Then...What's the problem?"

"The problem is," Meredith said, "This is me, Virgin Meredith Grey. And I can't have sex with a guy I barely know. I have gone on two dates with him, Lexie. Two dates. That doesn't mean I am ready to sleep with him. I'm scared, and so not ready, and scared, and nervous, and...and..." and there is this stranger's diary that I'm secretly reading and have grown attached to, Meredith said inwardly. Wait, what did she just think? Did she mentally reason with herself and list Diary Guy as one of the reasons she couldn't sleep with Derek? She was going crazy. It was official now.

"And what, Mer?" Lexie asked, bringing Meredith out of her reverie.

"And nothing," Meredith said, shaking her head. She was overthinking things. Yes, that was it. Why would Diary Guy be one of the reasons she couldn't sleep with Derek? "I am just scared, Lexie. I am not ready to give up my virginity yet."

Lexie nodded her head and kept quiet for a while. After a few minutes, she said, "Hmm...I get what you are saying. You want your and Derek's relationship to progress a bit more before you sleep with him."

Meredith shook her head.

"Well, then, just tell him that. If he tries to take your relationship to the next level on your third date, just be honest and tell him that you are not ready," Lexie said simply.

"But, what if he never wants to see me again once I tell him that?" Meredith asked in a feeble tone. "What if he mocks me once he finds out that I am a virgin? What if he doesn't want to date an innocent virgin who has never had any experience?"

"Then, you'll know that he's not the good guy he seems to be," Lexie replied. "And besides, who said anything about telling him that you are a virgin? Just tell him that you are not ready to take your relationship to the next level – that you want to wait. And if he never wants to see you again after that, you'll know what kind of a man he really is."

"But, Lex...I really like him!"

"Meredith," Lexie said, "If a guy is with you just for the sex, then that guy's not worth your time. Believe me. I have learnt it the hard way."

Meredith bit her lower lip and pondered on Lexie's words. Lexie was right. Meredith was not ready to sleep with Derek just yet, and it wasn't because of some stranger's diary. She just wanted to know Derek better before losing her virginity to him. And she would tell him that. If he tried to come on to her, she would tell him that. Because there was no way in hell Meredith Grey was going to lose her virginity to Derek so soon. It'd have to wait. And if Derek had a problem with that, then so be it. Meredith wasn't going to change herself for anyone, not even for Derek.

* * *

Meredith clutched the wine bottle tightly as she stood in front of Derek's apartment door. She had arrived a good ten minutes ago, but had yet to ring the doorbell. To say that she was scared would be an understatement. She was beyond scared. It had been one thing to talk to Lexie about it, and it was one thing to actually do it. What if Derek got offended? What if he never wanted to see her again? She was not ready to lose Derek so soon.

But, she was not ready to lose her virginity so soon either. The thought of having sex with a person she hardly knew gave Meredith the creeps. It was one thing to kiss him, and it was another thing to sleep with him. It was definitely too early to sleep with him. She wanted to know more about Derek before taking such an important decision. Maybe that was not the way people did things in a relationship, but that was the way she wanted to do things in her first relationship.

Bracing up, Meredith raised her hand and pushed the little button on the doorbell. She could immediately hear noises coming from inside and she patiently waited for Derek to open the door. A few seconds later, the door swung open, and Derek appeared in front of her in a dark grey t-shirt and faded jeans.

"Hey," Derek said, his mouth breaking into a smile.

"Hey," Meredith croaked out, surprised by how feeble her voice sounded. She really had to get over her nerves.

"Come on in," Derek said and Meredith entered the apartment, her eyes roving around.

"Your apartment is nice," Meredith said as Derek shut the door. "You have done a good job in maintaining it."

"Thank you," Derek said with a bow, causing Meredith to forget her initial nervousness and giggle.

"You are very welcome," Meredith said, "I brought wine."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," Derek said, walking a little closer to her.

Meredith's heart sped up as her and Derek's proximity increased. She swallowed back thickly and said, "Well, but I did. Here." She outstretched her hand and all but thrust the wine bottle between their bodies.

"Oh," Derek said, taking the wine bottle from her hands, "Uh – um – thanks."

Meredith smiled at him, but avoided looking into his eyes. She had never felt this weird kind of tension between her and Derek before. She had always felt so free with him. What had changed that night?

"The dinner is almost ready. I just have to do a few things in the kitchen," Derek said, breaking the silence, "Take a seat on the couch and I'll start the movie."

Meredith shook her head no and said, "I want to watch you cook."

Derek grinned and rejoined, "Okay, then." And with that, the duo walked towards the kitchen.

* * *

"You know, all this looks very delicious," Meredith remarked as she sat on a stool in the kitchen, watching Derek garnishing the food.

"Well, I hope it tastes delicious as well," Derek replied with a laugh.

"It will," Meredith said, swinging her legs and looking around. "I know you must be thinking that I'm so rude. I sat in the kitchen all the while you cooked and didn't offer to help. But, let me tell you, I'd have offered to help except that I can't cook."

"Oh," Derek said, looking at her, "That's not a big deal. Lots of people can't cook."

"It is a big deal. See, for most people, 'I can't cook' means I can't put things in a frying pan and stir it or something. But, for me, 'I can't cook' means I can't even boil water. Or chop vegetables. Or do anything food related."

Derek looked up at her with a faux surprised look and said, "Oh my God, I didn't know you were talking about that kind of 'I can't cook.'"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at Derek's expression.

Derek saw the look on Meredith's face and elaborated, "See, all cooks can be rated on a scale of one to ten."

Meredith rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, and I am a one."

Derek shook his head. "No. You are a zero. You can't even be rated on the scale," he said, chortling.

Meredith's mouth fell open and she slapped his bicep. "You...I feel so offended right now," she said with a pout.

Derek only continued to chuckle. Meredith got up from the stool and said, "This is not turning out to be such a great date."

Derek's eyes immediately snapped up. "What? Why?"

"Because you are poking fun at me," Meredith answered, trying to hide her smile.

"You are going to predicate the greatness of this date on the fact that I'm ribbing you just a little about your inability to cook?"

"Yep," Meredith rejoined.

"Not being able to cook is a peccadillo. It's not even considered a flaw," Derek said, causing Meredith's face to break into a smile.

"Uh huh. I thought so."

"And I'm saying it with my whole heart," Derek said, flashing her a dreamy smile.

Meredith giggled as Derek said, "Roasted salmon with crispy potatoes is ready."

"Good," Meredith said, "Now, let's go catch that movie."

* * *

"What are we watching?" Meredith asked as she settled down on the couch and Derek inserted the DVD in the player.

" _Before Sunrise,"_ Derek replied as he went and sat down beside Meredith. "Have you seen it before?"

Meredith shook her head no as Derek inched closer to her and the movie started playing. She leant forward to pick up her glass of wine and took a large sip. She felt nervous. She had never felt nervous with Derek before, but that night, she felt nervous. For a moment in the kitchen, the nervousness had dissipated and she had joked with Derek as freely as she always did. But now, the nervousness was back, and it was back with a vengeance.

Meredith took another sip of her wine and tensed up a little when Derek draped his arm around her shoulder. _Damn it, Meredith Grey. This is a guy you really like and that you have kissed. He just put his arm around you. Get ahold of yourself,_ she thought to herself as she tried to relax under Derek's burning touch. But, she couldn't. All she kept thinking was what she was going to say if Derek offered to show her his bedroom.

She averted her eyes from the TV screen and eyed Derek carefully. He seemed to be quite relaxed. But, who knew? Maybe he was planning to take her to his bedroom after the movie. What was she going to say to him? That she couldn't have sex with him because she was a scared little virgin? No, she needed to have a speech. She needed to have a good speech at the ready.

"Meredith," Derek said, not averting his eyes from the screen.

"Yes?"

"Why are you staring at me?" Derek asked, looking her in the eye all of a sudden, catching her red-handed.

"Oh, I – you – uh – um," Meredith stammered, fumbling for words as she stared into his ocean-blue eyes. "I was not staring at you."

"You were staring at me. And not in a you-are-very-good-looking kind of way," Derek said, withdrawing his arm. "You were staring at me in a very...very weird way. What's wrong?"

Meredith looked down at the floor, trying to think of an answer. Lexie had advised her to be honest with Derek. Honesty is the best policy. Or was it? Meredith wasn't sure.

"Meredith," Derek said again, "There's something bothering you tonight. I can feel it. You have been acting weird since the moment you set foot inside this apartment. There is this...this weird tension between us that I have never felt before. If something is wrong, you can share it with me."

Meredith looked up at Derek and then looked at her wine glass. Dutch courage. All she needed was Dutch courage to tell Derek why she was behaving weirdly. Taking a large sip of the wine, she set the glass down and said, "Derek...I'm sorry I have been acting weirdly tonight. But...What I want to say is...I want to say that..." She paused and then blurted out, "I can't sleep with you tonight."

"What?!" Derek asked, completely taken aback.

"I know, I know. You probably want me to get out of your apartment this very second and you probably don't want to see my face again," Meredith said, still staring at the floor, "But...I'm just not ready to sleep with you yet. Sleeping with a guy is a big deal for me. It's not just a physical act – it's – it's a symbol of something deeper for me. And, I want to know you better before I sleep with you. I want to know if we have that connection before we...And I understand that that's not the way you think. So, I'll just see myself out." And with that, Meredith stood up and grabbed her purse.

Derek stood up too and caught Meredith's elbow. "Meredith, wait," he said softly. Meredith turned around to look at him with glassy eyes.

"Meredith..." Derek said, "I don't want to sleep with you tonight. And I don't mean that in a you-are-not-attractive-enough-to-sleep-with kind of way. Because you are. You are an attractive, beautiful girl. But, I'm not ready to sleep with you just yet either. I want to wait too. In fact, you just spoke my mind. I'm not usually this way with other girls, but with you, I want to wait. And I definitely want to see your face again. Over and over again. My eyes won't get tired of your face, ever." He smiled tenderly at her.

"Really?" Meredith asked. "You mean – you are not offended?"

"Not at all," Derek said. "I invited you to dinner to my place tonight because I wanted to...impress you with my cooking. And because you didn't seem like the type of girl who likes going to fancy restaurants. I didn't mean to send out the wrong signal," he said.

Meredith mentally chided herself for her folly. "Derek," she said, "You didn't send out the wrong signal. I misinterpreted your signal because this is our third date and...because I am a stupidhead."

"What?" Derek asked, laughing. "Stupidhead?"

"Yes, I swear I am a big stupidhead. I completely ruined our date with all my nervousness and fright for no real reason at all," Meredith said ruefully.

"You didn't ruin our date. Our date has barely started," Derek said, raising his hand and gently stroking Meredith's cheek. "I'm glad you laid it all out in the open. Now, we can enjoy the rest of our date freely. We still have more than half of the movie and the dinner left." He grinned at her widely.

"Okay," Meredith said with a relieved smile and the duo settled back on the couch. As they watched the movie, Derek slowly snaked his arm around her shoulder, and this time, Meredith only smiled and leant into his soothing touch.

* * *

After dinner, Derek went to the bathroom for a quick shower, leaving Meredith alone to watch the movie. When he went back to the living room fifteen minutes later, his eyes witnessed an adorable sight.

Meredith was curled up on his couch, her head resting on her palm, fast asleep. And she was snoring. Snoring like a freight train. Derek was pretty sure she was the loudest snorer he had ever encountered. And as her snores grew louder, he became all the more sure that she could beat a freight train or a foghorn with her snores.

Smiling to himself, he walked over to the couch and gently picked up her lithe body in his arms. She was as light as a feather, so he had no difficulty in carrying her over to his bedroom. Reaching his bed, he laid her down carefully on the sheets and covered her tenderly with the duvet. She mumbled a little in her sleep, but then curled up in the bed and slept peacefully.

With another longing look at her, Derek smiled and grabbed a pillow and a blanket from the bed. Switching off the lights, he turned on the night lamp and made his way out of the bedroom. Reaching the couch, he laid down on it and closed his eyes, the image of Meredith sleeping in his bed bringing a smile on his face.

* * *

Lexie lay in bed and turned on the night lamp. Meredith had not returned yet, and she hadn't even called her. Honestly, Lexie was a little worried about her elder sister, but she didn't want to call her sister and ruin her date. From the sounds of it, Meredith's Library Guy was a pretty decent guy, and Lexie didn't want to mess up her elder sister's first relationship.

But, the younger sister inside Lexie worried. It worried about what Meredith was doing or whether Meredith had told Derek that she was not ready to sleep with him. Lexie had stopped herself from calling Meredith multiple times that night, but she couldn't stop herself from worrying.

Shaking her head, Lexie rolled over and lay supine. She needed to stop worrying about Meredith and think about something else. Just then, Lexie's phone beeped with the arrival of a new text message and Lexie jumped out of bed to check it, thinking that it was Meredith. But, when she opened the text, she saw that it was from Mark.

"Are you asleep yet?" The text message read.

Lexie quickly typed out a "Not yet" and sent it to Mark. Keeping her phone aside, Lexie reflected on the events that had taken place at Café Presse two weeks ago.

 _Flashback:-_

" _Lexie, please don't walk away from my life like this. I – I need you. I need you in my life. I...Lexie, I love you."_

 _Lexie's mouth fell open. Her eyes widened in shock. No, that couldn't be...Had she heard it right?_

 _She turned around and looked at Mark for a long minute before finally speaking. "What?" she asked, taken aback._

" _I love you, Lexie. I have fallen in love with you," Mark reiterated._

 _Lexie felt like the ground had been swept out from under her feet. Mark was saying that he loved her. He was saying those three words to her that she had been dying to hear from him. But, under what circumstances?_

" _Mark, you probably have no idea what you are saying right now," she said, still unable to believe it._

" _No, no," Mark said quickly, grabbing Lexie's hand and holding it in his. "I know what I am saying, Lexie. I love you. I love you. You are the only woman I have ever loved. And I know it's difficult for you to believe me right now, but it is the truth. I have never been surer of anything else in my life."_

 _Tears welled up in Lexie's eyes. Her voice seemed to be lost somewhere. She couldn't speak, even though she wanted to. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to let Mark know. But, all her words condensed into four small words._

" _I love you too," she said, throwing her arms around Mark's neck._

 _As the duo embraced each other, Lexie croaked out, "I'm still mad at you for kissing that other girl. You have a lot of making up to do. Saying 'I love you' was just step one."_

" _I can spend the rest of my life making up to you," Mark whispered into her hair._

 _The tears that Lexie had held at bay then started to flow freely._

Lexie's phone beeped once more, causing Lexie to snap out of her thoughts. She opened the new text that read "Missing me? :-*"

Lexie smiled and shook her head. Mark was incorrigible. God, she loved him, even though they had both decided to take their newly formed relationship at a slow pace. She still hadn't fully forgiven or forgotten his kiss with Julie or Julia or whatever. But, she knew he loved her and that was enough for both of them at the moment.

"Yeah, among other things –"she replied back.

Her phone beeped again. She opened the text message that read "I'd walk a thousand miles to be with you tonight. Missing you too. Good night."

Lexie didn't think she had ever smiled as big as she did after reading Mark's message.

* * *

Meredith's eyelids flickered as the light filtered through the curtains into the room. She slowly opened her eyes and let out a big yawn as the sunlight flooded the room. Rolling over, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table. She was thrown for a loop instantly as she noticed that the clock that sat on her bedside table was not in its usual place. She sat up straight and looked around the room. It took her a moment to realize that she was not lying in her own bedroom or her own bed. It was then that she recalled how she had dozed off on the couch the previous night. But, she had fallen asleep on the couch. What was she doing in what she could only assume to be Derek's bedroom?

She immediately looked down at herself and let out a relieved sigh on seeing that she was fully clothed. Throwing the sheets off of herself, she stood up and looked on the other side of the bed. It was empty. If Derek was not in the bedroom, then where the heck was Derek?

Meredith walked out of the bedroom and entered the living room. There, she spotted Derek lying on the couch in a curled-up position with a blanket covering him. Her heart melted at the sight. Derek had slept on the couch all night so that she could sleep on the bed?

She smiled to herself as she walked over to the couch and crouched down in front of it. Derek was fast asleep, and a recalcitrant ebony curl was falling on his forehead. Meredith slowly lifted her hand and brushed the curl away from his forehead.

The gentle movement caused Derek's eyes to snap open and Meredith immediately withdrew her hand.

"Oh, hey," Derek rasped out, getting up halfway.

"Hey," Meredith said in a deep voice, "Good morning."

"Good morning," Derek replied with a lopsided smile. "When did you get up?"

"Just now," Meredith said.

"You fell asleep on the couch last night while I was in the shower. I didn't want you to sleep on the couch, but I didn't want you to think that I had taken advanta –"

Meredith pressed her index finger to his lips to quieten him. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, Derek. I know you'd never take advantage of me," she said with a smile.

Derek just looked into her eyes, a dumbfounded look spread out on his features. Meredith stood up and said, "I'll head for home now. I didn't tell my family that I'd be out all night, so they must be worried about me."

Derek nodded. As Meredith started walking towards the bedroom to grab her purse, she turned around and said, "Oh, and Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"If I ever fall asleep on your couch again and you carry me to your bed, you can sleep in the bed with me too. You don't have to sleep on the couch. I won't mind," Meredith said, the corners of her lips twitching.

A big smile wreathed Derek's face. Meredith's statement just made his sleeping on the couch worth it.

* * *

 **A/N: Happy Belated Valentine's Day! I hope this chapter was fluffy enough for a Valentine's Day special chapter. No cliffhangers in this chapter, but I can't promise the same for the next. So, buckle up, and be ready for the blast that's coming in the next chapter!**

 **Who thinks we can make it to 250 reviews? I think we can! :) Leave your cheers, jeers, rants, raves and review s!**

 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **funkmama13 –** Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and for being so kind! Your review really made me feel better in my time of sorrow, so I send a huge hug back to you! I even told my parents about your kind words...Agreed! "Never Been Kissed" is an excellent movie, and Barrymore is one of my favourites, so...I didn't actually write the Derek/Amy talking part, but you can assume that he did in this chapter. Yes, I feel that it is a role reversal in my story, if I have ever seen one! Thank you! More is on the way!

 **ButterflyWhisperer –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you loved it! More is on the way!

 **tanecamyb –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! I'm extremely gratified that you think so. And thank you for your condolences. You are very kind. I really felt better after reading your review. Your support truly means a lot to me and you don't know how much. You are right – one day, I'll meet my gran again...I told my family about your review and we all appreciate it. Thank you for your kind words!

 **msnovelist –** Thank you! I'm happy you think so. And I think you are quite romantic in your stories :) As for your conjecture about Diary Girl and Mer, I can't confirm anything yet. It'll kill the suspense LOL. Thanks!

 **RhizOneill –** Thanks a bunch! I'm extremely pleased to know that you love my story! More is on the way!

 **Kachelle486 –** Thank you so much! I'm extremely happy that you think so! Your review made my day! Got you off the Slexie cliff in this chapter. More is on the way!

 **snv3 –** Thanks a lot! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter so much! Mark knew that he loved Lexie, but he was afraid to admit it. Lexie walking away from him caused him to finally accept his feelings for her. More is on the way!

 **Hasi2012 –** Thank you! Agreed! MerDer are made for each other, always. And thank you for your condolences. They truly mean a lot to me :) More is on the way!

 **Patsy –** Thank you so much for your kind words! Your reviews brightened up my day! I'm extremely glad that you love this story. I hope Lexie fixed her mistake in this chapter. And thank you so much for the condolences! You are so kind. I told my parents about you and all the other readers who condoled with me, and it truly means a lot to me and my family. Thank you!

 **Ellen –** Thank you so much! I'm glad that you love this story. I know, this site crashes from time to time and I'm very frustrated with the site right now too. Anyhow, thank you!

 **Alexis –** Thanks so much! I'm glad you think so. I hope Lexie fixed her mistake in this chapter. Agreed! Definitely more MerDer and I hope this chapter had enough of it! :) Thank you!

 **Mathimth –** Thanks a lot! I'm glad you loved it! More is on the way!

 **Ginger –** Thank you! I'm extremely happy to know you think so and loved her first kiss. Thanks!

 **Anita –** Thank you so much! Your sweet words made my day! And I'll keep writing as long as readers are reading and reviewing. Thank you!

 **MsHGolightly –** Thanks so much for the lovely review! And don't worry about the delay at all. Life happens and I get that. Hope life has turned a bit smoother for you now. I'm glad that the chapter is your favourite. I was quite nervous about the chapter because I wrote it under a lot of pressure. Thank you! More is on the way!

 **Priscilla –** Thank you! Agreed! MerDer have a lot to teach and learn from each other. More is on the way!

 **flawlesspompeo –** Thanks a bunch! I'm happy you think so. More is on the way!

 **lilyandrufus –** Thanks for the review! Glad to know that you love this story! More is on the way!

 **Walkinginthecity –** Thank you for the review! Meredith is 22 years old, and I mentioned it somewhere in chap 2 or 3. Derek is 25, so the age difference is only 3 years. Hope I have cleared your confusion. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. Thanks!

 **Guest #1 –** Thanks for the review! I did post chapter 9, but when I posted it, it showed up in its HTML code format, so I had to delete the chapter. Deleting a chapter shows the story in the updated list by default. Sorry for the confusion, but I am really mad at this site right now. Thanks!

 **HelloItIsMe –** Thanks for the review! No, chapter 8 was not reposted. Chapter 9 was posted and deleted due to technical difficulties. So sorry for the confusion it caused. Thanks!

 **ntlpurpolia –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you love this. Your reviews made my day! Thanks!

 **XxthecornykittyxX –** Thanks a bunch! I'm happy that you love this. Looks like your wish got granted ;) Thank you for the lovely review!

 **dobrevicxslexie –** Thanks a lot! I'm glad you loved the cliffhanger and the chapter. Hope you like this chapter as well!

 **Obstinate headstrong girl –** Thanks for the lovely review! Well, if Mark wants his girl, he has to work his ass off for it ;) As for your conjecture about MerDer, I can't confirm or deny it yet as it will kill the suspense. And I can't tell you how happy I am that you love Tim. Introducing an original character in the story is always difficult as you always think how the readers will take it. But, the response to Tim's character has been good so far, so...Thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Oh my goodness! 45 reviews! Most ever! Thank you so much to everyone who left a review! I was so excited to hear from each and every one of you. Thank you for reading!**

 **Now, are you ready for the explosion, the blast, the fireworks? You better be...So, fasten your seatbelts and come along for this ride!**

 **P.S. There's a small time jump in this chapter, but you'll realize that as you read this...**

* * *

 _7_ _th_ _September, 2006_

Derek's eyes slowly opened and he took in his surroundings. His old, familiar bedroom, his indigo curtains that were drawn across his bedroom window, shutting out the light. He turned his eyes towards his right and a smile immediately touched his lips. Meredith was lying next to him, her head on his shoulder, her right arm draped across his torso, fast asleep and letting out loud snores – snores that Derek had grown habituated to in the past month.

He tried to move his arm a little because it was tingling and numb from pillowing Meredith's head all night long, but he stopped as soon as Meredith moaned softly in her sleep. She cuddled a little more into his side and Derek smiled, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her further close. Sleeping with Meredith like that had become a habit – a habit that he could never get tired of. He loved sleeping with Meredith like that, period. Didn't matter that his arm had fallen asleep as well and felt completely numb. Meredith looked adorably gorgeous while sleeping like that, and he wasn't about to wake up his cherub from her sleep.

His cherub. As soon as the thought entered Derek's mind, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt hit him like a ton of bricks. The smile faded from his lips instantly. Everything with Meredith felt so damn right, and that, was what felt incredibly wrong. And Derek didn't know why.

Or maybe he did. The reason was simple. Two words. Diary Girl. He felt like he was cheating on Diary Girl whenever he was with Meredith. Which led to him feeling incredibly guilty whenever he spent time with Meredith.

Derek wasn't going to deny it anymore. There was a constant war going on inside him. A war of conflicting emotions and thoughts, a war of what was right and what was wrong, a war of what he was doing and what he should be doing. And everything that was going on inside his head only served to confuse him as hell and drove him nuts.

However, before the perpetual war inside Derek got going once again, Meredith stirred next to him, distracting him momentarily from his thoughts.

"Mmmm..." Meredith moaned, stretching beside him like a cat.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Derek said, his face creasing into a smile. "Good morning."

"Goooood morning," Meredith drawled out lazily in a husky voice, squinting her eyes and yawning loudly.

"Did you sleep well?" Derek asked, wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her in for a 'good morning' kiss.

"Mm...Yes, I did," Meredith said as Derek pressed his lips against hers and Meredith pushed him away promptly. "You know I always sleep well with you."

"What?" Derek asked, all his worries and confusion forgotten for the moment.

"Morning breath, Derek," Meredith grumbled with a roll of her eyes. "How many times have I told you to brush your teeth before giving me my good morning kiss?" she asked sternly, sitting up and placing her hands on her hips.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry," Derek said.

"Only sorry is not gonna cut it. Go and brush your teeth," Meredith said. "Now," she stressed, pulling at his arm.

"Can we cuddle a few more minutes?" Derek asked, giving her his best puppy dog look.

"No," Meredith said with a laugh, "I want my good morning kiss, so you have to go and brush your teeth right now. Then, you can come back and we can spoon and cuddle to your heart's content."

Derek let out a dramatic sigh as he finally allowed Meredith to pull him up. Throwing off the blankets, he climbed out of bed and gave Meredith another puppy dog look.

"Get going, you lazybones," Meredith said with a giggle and pushed Derek away. He grunted and padded his way to the bathroom. Sticking out his tongue at Meredith, he disappeared behind the door of the bathroom.

* * *

Meredith smiled as she watched Derek disappear behind the bathroom door. She had got habituated to this over the past month. This playful banter between her and Derek. Sleeping and cuddling with Derek in his bed. Teasing him about his awful morning breath that she had discovered during one of their early sleepovers. Everything with Derek felt awfully right and normal. It felt routine and exciting, right and wrong, all at the same time. She felt incredibly safe and comfortable with Derek, and that was what felt most wrong.

The reason was quite simple if Meredith stopped lying to herself now. Two words. Diary Guy. Whenever she was with Derek, she felt guilty. She felt like she was cheating on Diary Guy. But, how could she cheat on someone she had never even met? How could she cheat on someone whose name was still unknown to her?

Meredith felt confused. When she was with Derek, she felt guilty. When she was not with Derek, she felt confused as to why she felt guilty in the first place. This constant battle of confusion and guilt mingled with her feelings for Derek and Diary Guy was driving Meredith crazy. Meredith was sure of it. She was officially going crazy, and if she didn't talk to someone about it soon, she would have to be admitted to an asylum or something.

Climbing out of bed, Meredith grabbed her bag from the sofa and pulled out the little black diary that was the root of all her problems. Derek had gone in to brush his teeth, and knowing him and his habits, Meredith was sure he would at least take twenty minutes to come out of the bathroom. Which gave Meredith time to drink in the words of the perfect stranger whom she had miraculously grown attached to.

Opening the diary, Meredith started to read the very last entry. As she drank in the words written on the white pages in blue ink, she had an epiphany. Derek and Diary Guy were similar in so many ways. She had never realized that before. They were incredibly similar, and yet, so incredibly different too.

If Meredith had to list the similarities between Derek and Diary Guy, she would have a number of them. Both Derek and Diary Guy loved books, they both worked at a hospice, both of their moms had passed away when they were young, both of them had a sister each. If Meredith didn't know better, she could very well say that Derek and Diary Guy were the same person.

But, Meredith knew better. Meredith knew everything, all but everything about Diary Guy and his life, except his name and actual whereabouts. But, Derek? Derek was a different story. He was a great guy, he was a wonderful guy, but he was not a very candid guy. He didn't talk much about his personal life. In fact, Meredith barely knew anything about Derek's personal life other than the facts that he had a sister named Amelia and that his mom had passed away when he had been really young. She had no idea how his mom had died. She had no idea where his dad was. Derek never ever talked about his dad. Or anything family related.

Meredith didn't talk much about her personal life with Derek either. She didn't talk about her mom, or her mom's Alzheimer's, or her stepmom, or her introverted nature. It had been an entire month since she and Derek had started dating. And basically, all she and Derek had talked about in that whole month were books, music, movies, pets, how much they loved Seattle, how much they loved the fall, work, grocery shopping and books. They had barely touched any personal topic in the entire month they had been dating. It was like both Meredith and Derek had erected walls around themselves, and neither wanted to take those walls down.

And, in spite of everything, Meredith and Derek never ran out of things to say to each other. They were always talking, always bantering, and always ribbing each other. Meredith had never felt as safe with anyone as she felt with Derek. She practically lived with Derek now. She had her toothbrush and her lavender shampoo in Derek's bathroom, right next to all his hair products, and she had her pyjamas and some clothes in Derek's dresser. She slept over at Derek's almost every night. They still hadn't crossed the line though. The line that Meredith had drawn. They might sleep in the same bed and kiss and cuddle and spoon, but they didn't do anything more than that. Derek had never tried to feel her up or be more intimate with her, and Meredith was happy that he hadn't. She was happy with the way her and Derek's relationship was, she felt safe with him, but she was still not ready to cross the line and have sex with him. She and Derek had created a new definition of intimacy and domesticity – one that didn't involve sex or knowing everything about each other. For them, knowing the little things about each other – the quirks, the idiosyncrasies, the fads, the likes and the dislikes – was enough. That was all that mattered.

But, what about Diary Guy? Meredith's confusion knew no bounds when it came to Diary Guy and Derek. She couldn't fully commit to Derek because of Diary Guy, and the chances of her ever meeting Diary Guy were slim to none. What was she going to do? That was the only thought in Meredith's head as she finished reading the last diary entry and snapped the diary shut.

* * *

 _15_ _th_ _September, 2006_

"Can I steal you for a minute?" a voice asked.

Meredith immediately recognized the voice without looking up from the book that she was reading. She could recognize that voice even in her sleep now. A smile crept up on her lips as she put her book down and looked up, her eyes locking onto a pair of piercing blue ones. She was sitting behind her usual desk at the Seattle Public Library, reading a new title. It was a sunny Wednesday morning and the weather matched Meredith's mood to the nines. Bright and shiny.

"Well, Mr. Shepherd," she said, leaning forward, "I'm at work right now. I'm sure that readers stealing me away during work is against the rules of the library."

"C'mon," he said cajolingly, "Mrs. Smith is on a break right now. I'm sure that you can take a small break to suggest me a good book too. We are dating, after all. It falls in my jurisdiction."

"Oh really?" Meredith said, quirking an eyebrow. "It falls in your jurisdiction?" She stood up and made her way to the other side of the desk.

"Mmhmm," Derek said with a smirk, grabbing her hand to pull her closer.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed, slapping his hand away and glancing around in all the directions. All the readers seemed to be busy with – well, their reading. "What are you doing? How many times have I told you? No PDA in the library. I hate PDA," Meredith said, throwing a glare in his direction.

"But, you are not coming with me. I need help choosing a book," Derek said as innocently as possible, "And who can suggest me a better book than my own Library Girl?"

"Fine, I'm coming with you," Meredith said, trying her best not to smile. She and Derek had recently told each other how they had named each other "Library Girl" and "Library Guy." And Derek was always so damn adorable. And sexy. Adorable and sexy. An enticing paradox.

The twosome walked towards the back of the library where it was a little secluded.

"So...What are you in the mood for today?" Meredith asked as Derek sat down on a chair at a table in the corner.

"I don't know...Something romantic, I guess," Derek said, winking at her.

A blush and a secret smile crept up on Meredith's face, but she turned away to hide it.

"If you are in the mood for a love story, then I recommend 'The Notebook' by Nicholas Sparks. Best love story ever, in my humble opinion. But," Meredith said, "Since you have already read it, here." Meredith took out a book from the shelf and placed it gently on Derek's desk.

"What's this?"

"Sequel to 'The Notebook.' 'The Wedding' by Nicholas Sparks," Meredith said, brushing her hands and sitting down in the chair facing Derek. "It's a good love story too."

"Hmm..." Derek hummed as he took the book and opened the first page.

"Derek?" Meredith said, placing her elbows on the table and leaning toward him.

"Yes?" Derek said, looking up from the book.

"Why?"

"Why?!" Derek asked. "What why?"

"You know, we talk a lot about a lot of books. But, we never talk about why we love books. So, I am asking you. Why do you love books so much?" Meredith asked, resting her chin on her knuckles.

Derek closed the book and stayed silent for a good, long minute. Then, he said, "For me, books are an escape. Books are like...like rabbit holes. I can lose myself in the rabbit hole of a book and tune out everything else. The world, my worries, my woes, everything. I can just bury myself in the book and forget about this world. I can...I can experience things that I have never done, through books. When I read a book, it's like I get transported to a different world. A world where my mom didn't die and my dad didn't..." Derek didn't finish his sentence and Meredith knew he wasn't going to. He had bared too much.

"For me," Meredith started to say in order to cover up Derek's last sentence, "books are my best friend. I never had a best friend growing up, except my sister. And don't take me wrong, my sister is great. She is a great friend. But, you need friends outside your own family too. But, I never had that. So, books became my best friend. And if you ask me, books are the greatest best friend ever. They are always with you, by your side, without any questions, without being judgemental. And needless to say, books are great advisors too."

Derek smiled at her – one of his classic, dreamy smiles that reached his eyes and made them sparkle or twinkle or whatever. Meredith's breath caught in her throat, just like it did every time he smiled at her like that. And along with that, Meredith had another epiphany. It was the first time she and Derek had talked about something remotely personal. Well, books were a personal topic for both of them, but still...Meredith couldn't explain it in words. She just felt like she and Derek had set a new definition to their month-long relationship.

* * *

 _16_ _th_ _September, 2006_

"I can't believe you brought me to The Georgian," Lexie said as she and Mark seated themselves at their table. Mark had asked her out to dinner the previous day, but Lexie had never imagined that he would bring her to one of the top-notch restaurants of Seattle. She had never tried to hide her love for French cuisine from him, but still...Dining at The Georgian with Mark was like something out of a dream.

"Only the best for you, babe," Mark said with a smirk.

"And there goes your larger than life ego," Lexie said with a roll of her eyes, even though her lips were stretched into a smile. "I can't believe I'm stroking your ego."

"You can stroke something else of mine after dinner tonight, if you like to," Mark said in a low voice, leaning closer to her.

A faint blush crept up on Lexie's cheeks and she smiled. She hadn't had sex with Mark since the Julie or Julia or whatever incident. And while she was happy basking in the glow of Mark's courtship, she was ready and more than eager to consummate their love.

"It depends," Lexie said cryptically.

"On what?"

"Well, the dinner and how you behave," Lexie said.

"I always behave," Mark said as Lexie straightened his tie. "And you are gonna love the dinner."

"You are lucky you are dating me," Lexie remarked. "Meredith would have a heart attack if any guy ever brought her to such a fancy and high-end place."

"Your half-sister doesn't like fancy restaurants?" Mark asked.

"Mark," Lexie said with a glare, "How many times have I told you not to call Mer my half-sister? She is my sister, my own sister."

"Ok, ok, sorry," Mark said apologetically. "Meredith doesn't like fancy restaurants?"

"No. She absolutely hates them. She says that fancy places nauseate her," Lexie said with a small chuckle.

"What?" Mark said, taken aback. "But, I thought all women love dressing up, and fancy places give them an excuse to."

"Mer's not like that," Lexie said with a fond smile. "My sister is not like other girls. She is different. Unique. Can't be replaced."

"I still don't understand. How could she hate fancy restaurants? Everybody loves them."

"You won't understand," Lexie said condescendingly. "It's a sisterly thing," she said with a laugh but quickly sobered up.

Mark noticed the sudden shift in Lexie's expression. She had suddenly gone from all smiles to sombre and pensive.

"Hey," he said softly, taking Lexie's hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing," Lexie said, shaking her head. "I'm just really happy for Mer. She's dating this guy and she seems to be really happy with him. But...Sometimes, I miss her. We don't really get to spend much time together anymore. Am I selfish for wanting to spend time with her when she is so happy in her life?"

"Not at all, Lex," Mark said, "You have every right to miss her. You two are really close. I bet she feels the same way."

"I know she feels the same way. I'm busy with you and she is busy with her Library Guy, and you guys are coming between us sisters," Lexie joked.

"Library Guy?" Mark asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. She's dating a guy she met at the library she works at."

"Does he have a name?" Mark queried curiously.

"Of course, he does, silly man," Lexie said with a laugh, "His name is Derek Shepherd. But, back when Mer didn't know his name, she and I used to call him Library Guy. And the name stuck."

Mark's face froze. He stared at Lexie agape for a few minutes.

"Mark, are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Did you just say Derek Shepherd?" Mark said, stunned.

"Yeah, why?"

"Lex," Mark said, "Do you remember my friend, Derek Shepherd, whom I introduced you to at Amelia and Owen's engagement party? Amelia's bro and my and Owen's friend? I told you every trio has a geek and he was the one in ours?"

Lexie furrowed her eyebrows for a minute, before her mouth fell open. "Oh yes! I remember that Derek Shepherd! The one with the reallyyyy perfect hair and dreamy smile and eyes," Lexie exclaimed.

"How many Derek Shepherds do you think live in Seattle?" Mark asked.

"I dunno. A few," Lexie said.

"And how many of them are book geeks?"

"Your friend is dating my sister!" Lexie exclaimed, half laughing, clapping her hands to her mouth.

"Yes. Yes, he is," Mark said. "I'm gonna beat that jackass up once I meet him! He didn't even tell me that he was dating."

"Mark! Do you know how happy I am right now?!" Lexie said, throwing her arms around Mark's neck. "God, how could I not add 2 and 2 and realize that the Derek Shepherd Mer's dating is the dreamy Derek Shepherd I met at the party?! Well, in my defence, I had drunk a lot of wine that night, and it's one of the nights I don't ever want to remember. But, this...this is spectacular! And please don't beat Derek up. My sis is dating him. Mr. McDreamy. I don't want his good looks to be spoiled," Lexie said, laughing as she hugged Mark.

"Ok," Mark said, "I have to ask this for my friend's sake. Meredith is a nice girl, right?"

"Mark," Lexie said, pulling back from the hug, "Mer's the best girl Derek can ever get! Even I am not as great as her! And from what I have heard of Derek from you and Mer, those two are perfect for each other!"

"For me, you are the best and the greatest girl," Mark said, still disgruntled about the fact that he had been kept in the dark by Derek.

"Aww...Thanks, sweetie. That was real cheesy of you," Lexie said, pressing her lips to Mark's.

"So...What did your sister tell you? She and Derek serious or not?" Mark mumbled against Lexie's mouth. He knew his friend. He knew his friend well. And Derek was not a guy who did serious relationships. Mark still remembered the last girl whose heart Derek had broken. Lexie might be over the moon on realizing that Derek was dating her sister, but Mark was worried as hell. Because if Derek broke Meredith's heart...It would probably be over for him and Lexie as well.

"Mer doesn't talk much about their relationship status, or their relationship as such, but I think they are pretty serious. Meredith spends night after night over at Derek's place. She practically lives at his place now. You know, she has her clothes and stuff there. Why do you think I don't get to spend time with my sister anymore? Your dreamy geek of a friend has stolen my sister's heart," Lexie said with a contented grin.

My dreamy geek of a friend has stolen the hearts of many girls before and then broken them, Mark said inwardly. He just wished and hoped and prayed that Lexie had misinterpreted Derek and Meredith's relationship. Or that Derek had had a change of heart like Mark himself had had. Because if Derek was playing with Meredith's emotions like he had with his ex-girlfriends, then both he and Mark were in hot water.

* * *

 _24_ _th_ _September, 2006_

Derek shut the door of his car and walked up to the porch. It had been weeks since he had last visited his sister. He knew that Amy and Owen were crazy in love and deliriously happy, but he still felt the need to check up on his little sister. He was his big brother, after all. No matter how happy she was, he would always worry about her. It was just him and her against the world. Pressing the button, he heard the doorbell ringing and heard shuffling sounds coming from inside. Derek hoped he had not come at the wrong time. Damn. He should have come with intimation of his arrival.

The door swung open and Derek opened his mouth to say something, but froze midway. Amelia's face was telling a different story. A story that Derek had not expected to hear when he arrived there.

"Ames, are you crying?" Derek asked, walking inside the apartment and slinging the bottle of wine wherever.

"No, no, no. I – I'm not cry – crying," Amelia said amidst hiccups, her eyes puffy and swollen.

"Ames," Derek said, wrapping his arms around his little sister tightly and pulling her into a bear hug. Derek's mind was working a mile a minute. There were a thousand questions in his mind. Why was Amy crying? Where was Owen? Had something happened between her and Owen? But, Derek knew that his questions could wait till Amelia stopped crying.

Amelia hiccupped and sobbed in Derek's shoulder for a long, long time before finally letting go of him.

"Come, sit," Derek whispered, guiding his sister to the couch. He noticed an empty box of tissues sitting on the end table, and a waste paper basket filled with used-up tissues. So, Amy had been crying for a while now. What could have happened between her and Owen that had reduced her to buckets of tears? Had Owen...No, Owen was not that type of guy. He would never lay a finger on Amelia.

"Ames," Derek said after he and Amelia had settled on the couch, "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Where is Owen?"

The mere mention of Owen's name caused another outburst of tears. Derek enveloped Amelia into a hug again and held onto her till she stopped crying.

"Amy, you have got me really really worried now. Please tell me what's wrong."

"O – Owen is gone," Amelia said, bursting into tears again.

"What?!" Derek's mouth fell open. He felt like a ton of bricks had hit him. "What do you mean by he is gone? Where did he go?"

"I – I don't know," Amelia said amidst sobs.

"Ames, can you please tell me what happened from the start?" Derek asked.

"I c – came home from college and found Owen on the couch, drinking. His face was sombre. He looked upset. Wh – When I asked him if he was okay, he snapped that he was not. Then he apologized to me. I thought he was saying sorry for snapping at me. But...but, he pulled me close and said...that...that...he had met Teddy at the hospital today. Teddy Altman – his ex-fiancée. He told me that she has taken a job at his hospital. I couldn't understand why seeing his ex was so upsetting to him, since he had left his past behind. Until he told me that...that..." Amelia couldn't continue anymore as she burst into another fit of tears.

"Told you what, Ames?" Derek prodded.

"He – he told me that he still harbours feelings for Teddy. He told me that he still loves her. He said it to my face. And then he told me that he loves me too, but seeing Teddy had stirred old feelings in him. He told me that he was having second thoughts about...u – us," Amelia finished on a sob.

"Amy, look at me. Did he cheat on you? Because if he did, I'm gonna hunt him down and kill him –"

"No. He didn't cheat on me. I asked him that and he told me that he didn't cheat on me. But, he said that he needed to rethink things. He said that he was in a dilemma. He said that he knew he has to choose one of us, but he is unable to choose because he loves both her and me. He said that he needed space, time, a few days away from both me and Teddy so that he can decide. And then he left. He left and I just stared until his car disappeared. I couldn't stop him. I didn't have it in me. He said a lot of other crap too, but that's the point of it," Amelia said, sniffling.

When Derek remained silent, Amelia continued, "How could he do this to me, Der? He is engaged to me. He said he loves me. How can he love his ex then? How can he love the both of us? How can he love two people at the same time? And how am I supposed to share his love? The love I deserve? He expects I can share it with Teddy? Bullshit."

As Derek heard his sister's rant, he had an epiphany. A spot on epiphany. He and Owen were in the same situation. They were travelling in the same boat. Owen was torn between Teddy and Amelia, and Derek – he was torn between Meredith and Diary Girl. Yes, Derek had fallen in love with Diary Girl. He couldn't deny it anymore, no matter how much he wanted to. He had fallen head over heels in love with Diary Girl. And Meredith? He was falling for her too. Not head over heels, maybe. But, slowly, gradually. He was falling for Meredith. Who was he kidding? He had already fallen for Meredith. He loved her. And Diary Girl. He loved both of them. And he had no idea who to choose, especially when there was no choice to be made. He had never met Diary Girl. Heck, he didn't even know her name. What choice was there to be made then?

"Amy," Derek said softly, "Listen to me very carefully. I know you are hurting right now, but you have to try to understand Owen's situation. You can love two people at the same time. Just because you love me doesn't mean you don't love Owen, does it? It's like that, well, kind of. But, Owen has to make a choice. And even though it's a very difficult choice for him, he will ultimately choose the one he loves more. Because, even though you can love two people at the same time, you can't love them equally. There's always someone you love more."

Amelia stared at her brother for a few minutes before murmuring, "But, Der, what if...What if he loves Teddy more? I – I don't know how to share Owen's love, but I would better share it than have none of it at all."

"He loves you, Amelia. You have to be content with that right now. The ultimate choice – that lies in Owen's hands. Whomever he chooses, you have to accept it with a brave smile and keep your chin up. Remember, your happiness lies in the happiness of those you love. If Owen is happy with Teddy, you have to learn how to be happy in his happiness," Derek said, "I know it's not fair to you. But, that's the way things are, Ames. That's the way life is. Totally unfair."

Amelia looked down at the floor for a couple of minutes. Then, she threw her arms around her brother and pillowed her head on his chest, hiding from everything.

* * *

 _30_ _th_ _September, 2006_

Meredith woke up to the sound of her phone beeping on the bedside table. She rolled over in bed and grabbed her phone. She had a new text message. Her phone was showing the time to be 6.30 in the morning. Who was texting her so early in the morning? Meredith rubbed her eyes as she opened the message and read it.

"Just the thought of you brightens up my morning. Good morning – Derek."

A smile touched Meredith's lips as she read the text. Derek was a hopeless, incurable romantic. She had spent one night away from him and he had sent her a good morning text message as early as possible the next morning. Nevertheless, Meredith loved his cheesiness. She loved his small gestures of love.

Wait a second, what had she just thought to herself? Love? Derek? No, that was...She liked Derek, she really liked Derek and cared for him. He made her feel things that she had never felt before. He gave her tiny, beautiful butterflies in her stomach every time he smiled at her or gave her his classic McDreamy look. But, love? No, she was not in love with Derek. Was she? How could she completely rule out that possibility though? She could be in love with Derek. Derek was a great guy. He was a very lovable guy.

And just as that thought entered Meredith's mind, another thought came rushing in too. Diary Guy. Meredith felt a tremendous amount of guilt on thinking about the possibility of being in love with Derek. Because Diary Guy's diary was still there and she was emotionally attached to it or something.

Who was Meredith kidding? She was not emotionally attached to that little black notebook. She lived off the words scribed in that little black notebook. She couldn't spend a day without reading that little black notebook. She had re-read that little black notebook almost ten times already.

Before Meredith's train of thought could reach its next destination, a knock on her door brought her back to reality.

"Are you still sleeping?" Lexie's voice came from the doorway as she peeped her head through the opening.

"No, I'm awake. Come on in," Meredith replied in a raspy voice.

"Good morning," Lexie said in a cheerful voice as she came and lay down beside Meredith. "What are you doing with your phone?"

"I –"But before Meredith could answer, Lexie had snatched the phone from her hand.

"Oooooh, a romantic good morning message from Library Guy!" Lexie said, grinning at Meredith. "Someone's trying very hard to impress my sister."

Meredith bit her bottom lip and pondered whether she should tell Lexie about her dilemma. She had hidden Diary Guy from Lexie and the world for so long, but now, Meredith felt like she would burst at the seams if she didn't tell Lexie about her confusion.

"Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Mer," Lexie said with a wide grin, "I know what you are going to say."

"You do?" Meredith asked, nonplussed.

"Yup. You have fallen for Derek," Lexie stated.

Lexie's statement caused Meredith's heart to flutter wildly in her chest. Lexie had said a big thing. How could Lexie know that she had fallen for Derek, when she herself was unsure about it?

"How do you know that?" Meredith challenged.

"Mer..." Lexie said with a sigh and then said, "Stop fighting your feelings. Have you even looked at yourself in the mirror in the last month? You used to be – don't take this the wrong way – you used to be pessimistic, gloom and doom, shy, taciturn, reserved Meredith before meeting Derek. But now? Now, you talk a lot more, you laugh a lot more, you remain cheerful and happy. You are more optimistic about life. You are free, carefree. It's like...It's like Derek has changed your entire outlook towards life. He hasn't changed who you are. He has just changed a few elements in you and made you this different, happier person. How can you say that you have not fallen in love with Derek then?"

Meredith swallowed thickly as she digested Lexie's words. Her insides churned. It was true. When she was with Derek, she felt happy and carefree. Lexie was right. Meredith had fallen in love with Derek. But, there was one place where Lexie was wrong. Derek hadn't changed Meredith's outlook towards life. Derek just made her happy. It was Diary Guy and his inspiring words that had changed Meredith's outlook towards life. Diary Guy always had always kept his chin up as he had braved nearly a hundred storms in his life. This attitude of Diary Guy had almost forced Meredith to change her attitude towards life. But, Lexie didn't know that. Lexie didn't know any of that.

"Lex," Meredith said, "You are right. I'm in love with Derek."

"I knew it!" Lexie exclaimed enthusiastically. "Mer, I'm so happy for you. Does Derek feel the same wa –"

"Lexie," Meredith interjected, "There's something else you should know. I'm in love with someone else too."

Lexie's mouth fell open. Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "You – I – What?!"

"Yes, Lex. I am in love with the person whose diary I have."

Lexie stared at her blankly for a few minutes before saying, "Mer, are you alright? Do you have a fever or something? Are you talking deliriously?"

"No, Lexie. I am in love with the guy to whom the diary belongs."

"But – I – you – Diary – how?" Lexie muttered incoherently, unable to make head or tail of it.

"I read the diary, Lex. And I fell in love with the person through his words," Meredith said, a smile creasing her face.

"You read the diary," Lexie repeated.

"Yes."

"Mer, you don't fall in love with people by reading their diaries! You have never even met this guy! You don't even know his name, or his location, or anything tangible about him. How can you be in love with a person you know absolutely nothing about?" Lexie asked, sitting up.

"But, I know absolutely everything about him, Lex, bar his name and his actual whereabouts and what he looks like! Every event of his life, small or big, is recorded in that diary, and I have drunk that diary in. That guy is a wonderful human being, Lex, and he has beautiful penmanship. I first fell in love with his words, his writing, and then, with him," Meredith explained.

Lexie stayed mum for a few minutes. "Mer," Lexie said after a pregnant pause, "This is a real stumper. I – I don't know what to say. You have rendered me speechless, for the first time."

"I know it sounds weird and strange, Lex. But, you don't always have to love a person that you have met and dated. You can fall in love with a person by knowing him too. I know this guy. From his diary. He is my Diary Guy, and I am irrevocably in love with him," Meredith said.

"But – but, you said you are in love with Derek too!" Lexie pointed out.

"I am," Meredith said on a soft sigh. "And that is why I am so confused right now. Because I don't know who I should choose - Diary Guy or Derek. How I wish that Diary Guy and Derek were the same person! They are very similar, you know..."

"You should choose Derek," Lexie said promptly.

"Lex, you are saying that only because you think that my love for Diary Guy is something crazy and from another planet. I love Derek, I do, but I can't choose him just because I have 'dated' him. In a way, I have dated Diary Guy too," Meredith said, "That's why I am so confused. When I'm with Derek, I feel like I am cheating on Diary Guy. And when I read Diary Guy's diary, I feel like I'm emotionally cheating on Derek. That's why I have to choose, even though in reality, a choice doesn't actually exist. I have to choose to maintain my own sanity and keep my conscience clear."

"Hmm..." Lexie hummed before saying, "At this moment, I have only one suggestion. And it is – talk to Derek about this."

"About this? What do you mean by this?" Meredith asked.

"About the fact that you are in love with two people at the same time. Tell him that and tell him you need some time in order to make your choice," Lexie replied.

"And you think he is not gonna kick me out of his apartment and slam the door on my face after hearing this?" Meredith asked sarcastically.

"Well, if he does, then he makes it easier for you. You don't have to choose then."

Meredith pondered on Lexie's advice. It sounded...feasible. It sounded good. It sounded something out of Nicholas Sparks' books.

"Okay," Meredith said, nodding slowly.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"I still think that you should choose Derek though," Lexie said, shaking her head.

"We'll see, Lex," Meredith said noncommittally as sunlight flooded the room.

* * *

 _1_ _st_ _October, 2006_

Derek pushed open the door to Tim's room and walked inside. He was off work that day, but he needed to see Tim urgently. Only Tim could help him out in his jam.

"Hey, my favourite old man! How are you?" Derek said with a smile as Tim averted his eyes from the window and turned to face him.

"Derek!" Tim exclaimed, his face splitting into a wide grin. "What a pleasant surprise! I thought you were off today?"

"I was. I am. But, I just thought that I'll come and visit you," Derek said, taking his usual seat by Tim's bedside.

"Liar," Tim said, even though he was smiling. "You are a big, fat liar. You need help. That's why you are here."

"I – You – How do you know that?" Derek asked, stunned.

"Please, Derek. Your face is like an open book. I can read it whenever I want to."

"Really? I'm that touchy-feely?" Derek thought out loud.

"Yes. Now, let's cut to the chase. What do you need help with?" Tim asked.

Derek stayed silent for a minute. "I'm in love," he finally blurted out.

"Finally!" Tim exclaimed with a relieved look on his face. "I knew you would fall for your Library Girl."

"It is a little more complicated than that," Derek said, grimacing. "I am in love with Meredith, but I am also in love with someone else."

"What?!" Tim said with wide eyes.

In the next ten minutes, Derek summarized everything that had taken place in his life in the past month. He told Tim about the diary he had mistakenly taken, he told Tim how he had read the diary and fallen for the girl through her words. After narrating the whole incident, Derek said, "Am I crazy, Tim? Am I crazy for falling in love with someone I have never met?"

"Not at all, Derek," Tim said, his brows furrowed in deep thought. "We love authors whom we have never met. How do we do that? Because we love their writing. Yours is an unusual situation, but not a completely outré one."

Derek digested Tim's words and then let out a sarcastic laugh. "Look at me, Tim. I, Derek Shepherd, who was determined never to fall in love, have fallen in love and that too with two people at the same time. Isn't life and its ways ironic as hell?"

"Derek, you need to talk to Meredith about this," Tim advised.

"What?!" Derek exclaimed. "I should tell Meredith that I'm in love with someone else?"

"Yes. Tell her that you love her, but that you love someone else too."

"Tim, I came to you for advice – sane advice. Not crazy advice. Meredith will probably think that I need to be admitted to the psych ward after hearing about Diary Girl."

"You don't need to tell Meredith about Diary Girl," Tim said, "Just tell her that you are in love with someone else and that you need some time to make a choice."

"And you think she is going to smother me with kisses after I say that?"Derek asked. "She will probably – no, she _will definitely_ throw something at me and then break up with me."

"Maybe you are right, but –"

"No maybe. I know I'm right. You may be older than me, but I'm the more experienced one in dating and relationships here," Derek said. "I know girls."

"But, you yourself have said that Meredith is not like other girls at least a hundred times. Why not take the chance with her then?" Tim asked.

"I..." Derek paused and then ran his hand through his hair. "I can't lose Mer, Tim. I love her. I love her a lot. She is too important to lose."

"You will lose her anyway if you remain stuck in your dilemma forever. You have been holding back in your relationship with Meredith because of your dilemma. How do you think your and Meredith's relationship will last like this? Isn't it better to come clean to her and make a final choice? I think that she would want the same too."

When Derek remained mum, Tim said, "Derek, I know it will be hard for you, but remember, 'Honesty is the best policy.'"

After a few minutes of deafening silence, Derek let out a sigh and said, "You are right. Honesty is the best policy."

* * *

 _3_ _rd_ _October, 2006_

"Meredith?" Derek said as he came out of the bathroom, wringing his hands. The day had come. The big day. The day when he was going to say those three magical words to Meredith. But, it was also the day when he was probably going to break Meredith's heart.

"Derek," Meredith said, getting up from the bed. The duo locked eyes and stared at each other for a long, long minute.

"I have to tell you something," Meredith and Derek said together.

Derek let out a wan, wry smile. It was the only smile he could manage at the moment. "You go first. I can wait," he said as he walked closer to her.

"No, no, you go first," Meredith insisted.

Derek let out a deep breath and said, "OK. Um...I think you should sit down for this."

Meredith's eyes dilated with a bit of surprise. Why was Derek saying her line?

"Ok," Meredith said, sitting down on the bed gingerly.

"Mer..." Derek started to say, "What I want to say is...What I mean to say is...I...Meredith...I love you." Derek waited for Meredith's reaction as he eyed her carefully.

"Derek..." Meredith said, her eyes becoming glassy, "You...I...Derek...I love you too."

"You do?" Derek asked, a smile crossing his face.

"I do...So much..." Meredith said as she stood up and leaned closer to him. Cupping his face in her palms, she reduced the distance between their lips and captured his mouth in a soft yet lingering, longing kiss full of love.

Derek kissed her back with just as much longing, love and passion. As he pried her lips apart and slid his tongue inside her sweet cavern, he felt a pang deep in his chest. It might be the last time he was getting to kiss Meredith like that. After hearing that he was in love with someone else, there was no way Meredith would stay with him. So, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, kissing her fiercely. If it was going to be the last time he was getting to kiss Meredith, he might as well give her an indelible kiss.

"Derek..." Meredith gasped as they finally pulled apart for air.

"Mer..." Derek said breathlessly, pressing her forehead to hers. Both of them closed their eyes and relished in their proximity, their confession of love.

"There's more," Derek rasped out, his arm still wrapped around Meredith's waist, his other hand in her dark-blonde tresses and his forehead pressed to hers. "Meredith...I know it's gonna hurt like hell when you hear this, but...I am in love with someone else too."

Meredith's eyes snapped open and she pulled back a little from Derek. Her pupils dilated with profound astonishment. Why was Derek saying what she had to say to him?

"Derek –"

"I know you are mad at me," Derek said, without letting her speak, "But, I love you, Mer. I do. I love you a lot. More than you can imagine. It's just...I love someone else too, just as much. I am so sorry..."

"Derek, you don't have to say sorry," Meredith said firmly as she placed her palms on his cheeks.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, nonplussed. "You are not mad?"

"No. I mean, yes, I am a little mad. But, I have no right to be mad because...Derek, I am in love with someone else too," Meredith said in a fearful whisper.

"What?!"

"Yes, Derek. I am not mad. I am surprised, because you just said all those things that I was gonna say to you. I love you, but I love someone else too."

"Oh," Derek said, looking away. The thought of Meredith being in love with someone else stirred up anger and hurt and jealousy inside him. But, he had no room to judge. He was himself hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Diary Girl. "Do I know him?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head no. Her eyes filled with tears as she asked, "Do I know her?"

Derek shook his head no. The duo stood still, their glassy eyes locked. They stood that way for who knew how long.

Finally, Meredith rasped out, "What should we do now?"

"I..." Derek said and then paused. "I gave it a lot of thought, Mer. I didn't know that you were in love with someone else too, but now that I do, I think that we both need a little space. From each other, from this relationship, in order for us to decide."

Meredith dropped her hands from his cheeks. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. "Derek..." she gasped, "Are you saying that we should break up?"

"No!" Derek said, cupping Meredith's face. "No, no, no, Mer. I'm not saying that we should break up. I'm just saying that we should take a break from our relationship. There's a difference. Breaking up means never seeing or talking to each other again. But, we will talk. We will call each other whenever we want to and we will talk. And we will see each other, in the library. We just won't be going out on dates and...and you won't be living here with me. We will take some time away from our relationship in order to get a different perspective on our...um, situations," Derek finished in a hoarse voice.

Two tears came rolling out of Meredith's eyes as she said, "So...Basically, we are going to break up, but we are going to be talking to each other."

"I...Yes," Derek said, tears brimming his eyes too. "You can call me. You will call me, whenever you feel like. And I'll call you. I will definitely call you. And we will see each other at the library. And we will talk. And once we have decided what we wanna do about our situation, we can get back together."

"Derek..." Meredith whimpered, pressing her forehead to his and closing her eyes. The tears slid down her cheeks and fell on Derek's T-shirt.

"I have to go to work, Mer..." Derek said, closing his eyes to prevent the tears from falling. He couldn't cry. He had promised himself that he wouldn't break down in front of her.

Meredith nodded, but neither she nor Derek made any move to walk away from their embrace. They just stood there, like that, like time had ceased to exist for them.

Finally, Derek pulled back from Meredith and let go of her. He knew he had to let go of her, no matter how much it hurt to.

"So..." Derek swallowed back a lump in his throat as he choked out, "I'll go to the hospice...And when I come back, you...you won't be here." Derek whispered the last words. He couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. He felt like his throat was closing up from inside.

More tears made their way out of Meredith's beautiful green eyes, and Derek knew he had to leave. He had to leave before he broke down. Because seeing Meredith like that was enough to break him down.

"Meredith..." he whispered and then moved away. "I'm late for work," he said, trying to act as normal as he could. "I'm gonna go now."

Meredith didn't utter a syllable. Derek grabbed his bag and his jacket and turned around to take a last look at her. She was standing where he had left her, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. No, he had to leave right then. He couldn't bear to watch Meredith in pain.

"Um...Bye...Take care," Derek murmured and made his way out of the apartment as fast as possible. Getting inside his car, he finally let the tears flow freely. He wanted to run back up to his apartment and pull Meredith into a tight hug. He wanted to kiss her one more time. He wanted to see her toothbrush and lavender shampoo in his bathroom every day for the rest of his life. There were a lot of things that he wanted to do. But, instead, he wiped his cheeks, started his car, and drove out of the parking lot towards the hospice.

* * *

 **A/N: I never swore off some angst, did I? So, there goes the angstiest chapter of this story till date. I know you guys are incredibly mad at me right now, but it's all a question of faith. Do you guys have enough faith in me? If you do, you'll stick around to see how I mend what I have broken. All I am requesting you to do is bear with me and I promise that I will not let you down.**

 **I absolutely love reviews, and I have the next update written and ready, so I'll update again when I get 30 reviews on this chapter! :)**

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 **A reply to the reviews –**

 **funkmama13 –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! And I'm feeling a lot better now, thank you! I am so happy to hear that you love this story. I love a bit of angst too, hence I wrote this uber-angsty chapter. Angst keeps the story alive and it's fun to see the characters deal with some hardships. More is on the way!

 **tanecamyb –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm truly sorry I left you guys hanging again, but as you can see, this was a long and intricate chapter, so it took me some time to piece it together. Sorry for leaving you like this! I'm glad to hear that you love this story. More is on the way!

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 **ntlpurpolia –** Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing! To answer your question, Lexie remembered Derek, but she couldn't really piece it together as she had drunk a lot of wine that night and Julia kissing Mark was the only thing imprinted in her mind. Hope I was able to clear your confusion. Thank you!

 **Patsy –** Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! I'm truly flattered you think so about my little story. I know this chapter was a little angsty, but keep faith in me and I promise you, I will bring Meredith and Derek back together because they are meant to be. Thank you!

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 **snv3 –** Thank you so for the lovely review! I wanted to create suspense about what happened between Lexie and Mark, because this is a story in the suspense genre. I'm glad you liked it and that you loved Meredith and Derek's date. I know this chapter was far angstier than the previous ones, but keep a little faith in me and I promise I won't let you down. Thanks!

 **Dobby99 –** Thank you so much and welcome on board! I'm glad you are loving this story so far. I was truly flattered by your review. As regards your question about Lexie remembering Derek, I hope the explanation in this chapter cleared up your confusion. If not, then you can ask me again and I'll answer you. And feel free to ask any other questions you have. I never get tired of answering the readers' queries. And no need to apologize for your English – your English is fine. Now, coming down to the reposting, I really had no idea that it'd annoy the readers to such an extent. I apologize to you and to everyone from the bottom of my heart. I know how lucky I am because I know what it's like to be on the other side. I used to write from an older account of mine and my stories didn't get much traffic back then. I guess that's the reason why I am so hungry for reviews now. Anyways, I truly am sorry for upsetting you with my reposting. I hope you can forgive me and stick with me during this ride! Thank you!

 **Hasi2012 –** Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked the chapter! As regards the reposting of chapters, I am so sorry for that! I really didn't know that it'd annoy my readers so much. I have realized my mistake now and I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart. I'm ashamed of what I did, but I'd like to say only one thing in my defence. I know I adopted the wrong way, but my intention was not to fool my readers into believing that there's a new chapter. If that was my intention, I wouldn't have written at the beginning of the chapter that I'm reposting it. Other than that, I hope I didn't chase you away and that you can forgive me for my mistake and continue to read my story. Thank you!

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 **ForeverMerDer –** Thank you! I'm so happy that you are loving the story! And yes, eventually, they will realize they have each other's diaries. I know I made you wait a bit for this update, so sorry for that. But, this was a complex chapter and I needed some time to write it properly. More is on the way!

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 **Guest #2 –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you love this story! Thanks! More is on the way!

 **Guest #3 –** Thank you! I'm glad you love it! More is on the way!

 **Guest #4 –** Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you think so about my humble story. And so so sorry for the reposting thing! I swear I was not trying to come across as arrogant or something; I just wanted to hit the 250 mark. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Hope you can forgive me! Thanks!

 **Tal –** Thank you so much! I'm really flattered that you love the story and think so. More is on the way!

 **Amberly –** Thank you! I'm happy that you love my story. More is on the way!

 **Jen –** Thanks a lot! Glad you love the story! More is on the way!

 **Anita –** Thanks so much! You pegged it right, when MerDer eventually make love, it's gonna be mind-blowing. For now, I hope you can bear with me and the dash of angst. Thank you!

 **Test –** Thank you! I'm sorry your review didn't post. I don't know if it's the site or something else, but thank you for taking the time to write another review! It truly means a lot to me. Thanks!

 **Guest #5 –** Thank you for the review! More is on the way! :)

 **Guest #6 –** Thanks a bunch! I'm glad you love this. I'll keep writing as long as people are reading and reviewing. More is on the way!

 **Hope –** Thanks so much for the lovely review! I'm very flattered that you think so. More is on the way!

 **derlovesmerlovesder –** Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm gratified that you find my story intriguing. Hope you liked this chapter as well! :)

 **Guest #7 –** Thank you for the review! Sorry for creating the confusion by reposting chapter 9. Thanks!

 **Guest #8 –** Thanks a lot! I'm glad to hear that you liked to see Slexie back on track. I hope I didn't disappoint you by not writing another MerDer date in this chapter. This was the way I had planned things all along, but I promise you that if you invest a bit of faith in me, I won't let you down. Thanks!

 **Kachelle486 –** Thanks so much for the sweet words! I'm glad you think so about my story! Hope you liked this chapter as well! :)

 **Guest #9 –** Thank you so much for the review! I'm sorry for making you wait for this chapter, but this update was a fairly long and complicated one, so it took me some time to get it finished. Hope I didn't disappoint you by not writing another MerDer date in this chapter. Please bear with me on this and I promise I won't disappoint you! Thanks!

 **Thalia –** Thank you! I'm extremely glad to know that you love this story so far. More is on the way!


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